“Why are you scared of me again?” she asked as she pulled away from my neck to look at me.
“I thought we had moved past that.” her head tilted in thought. “The smell of fear is rather pleasant on you.” She breathed in deeply, admiring my distress, before her dopey smile faded and she frowned slightly. “But I can’t enjoy it, not when I didn’t purposefully pull it from you. I have been careful not to scare you. Why do you fear me now?” she demanded, glowing silver eyes staring into mine. She forced our eye contact as she held the back of my head in her grip.
“You know why,” I challenged softly. Her nostrils flared, and she growled while she leaned forward and pressing her forehead against mine.
“You are still upset about that,” she stated. “Let it go. It had to be done.”
It took me a moment to realise that she was speaking of her betrayal in the grove and not even registering the way she had behaved while drinking from me.
“You took too much,” I told her. “You hurt and scared me just now, Selene,” I explained, and she turned her whole head away from me. “I thought you might kill me.”
Her head snapped back to me. “Never,” she hissed. Her hand left the back of my head to caress my cheek. “I would never kill you, my little pet. I desire only to keep you alive and with me,” she said.
“I don’t know if I can believe that,” I replied. If I wasn’t functioning on adrenaline and sheer willpower to stay awake and not pass out, I might have thought before I spoke and chosen to remain quiet.
“You think me a liar?” she challenged, but her bloodhigh smile remained, and her fingertips danced lightly against my cheek.
“You allowed Mhari and me to almost be killed this afternoon, and just ten minutes ago, you almost drank me dry,” I reminded her.
She pulled back from me and hissed. “You care about that shifter. I watched the way she comforted you and how you reacted,” she said, and from her hiss, I knew she was angry, but the way she held me did not change; the gentleness of her hands remained.
“Mhari helped me because Ana asked someone to, that’s all. I met her last term, and she’s never shown any interest in me,” I told her. “It was you who put me in the situation where Ineeded her help in the first place.” I couldn’t stop myself from expressing how upset I still was.
“I worry that some wayward, lower class, mixed-blood, wanting-to-do-good type will steal you from me. That not even our—” she hesitated, “bond,” she said the word in a whisper and gave me a look that let me know our conversations may not be private, “would be enough to keep you,” she said, ignoring her own actions.
“Selene, no one could steal me from you,” I reassured. As upset, confused, and betrayed as I was, she was my soul match, and I knew what it was like to worry about someone taking her—or rather, about her choosing someone else over me. I didn’t want her to feel that insecurity too.
“They would not get far. I would hunt them down like I did the traitor, Valen,” she said, her cousin’s name like a curse as she scrunched her eyebrows in disgust. “But their punishment would be far bloodier and last a lifetime. I would make you watch as I ripped them apart, one small piece at a time—make you watch as I turned your would-be lover into some foul, monstrous creature that knows only pain. Even then, I would not be satisfied,” she spoke softly, looking lovingly towards me despite the blood-curdling torture she described.
My stomach twisted—not in an unpleasant way. I hated to admit it, but Selene’s violence could stir a type of impure arousal within me. Some dark part of me was excited by the very dark parts of Selene that terrified the rational me. Maybe that was where my new ability came from—the dark, twisted parts of me being expressed in cold death of my magic.
“I can’t tell if that is meant to be a threat or some twisted declaration of love,” I replied. She took hold of my palm, brought it to her lips, and I expected her to tenderly kiss me. Instead, shenipped me with her teeth. “Ow!” I pulled my hand away and she laughed.
“I think you know it’s both,” she said and pulled my face closer to her. “I think you know I would burn this kingdom to the ground,” she whispered, her breath hot against my lips, her words and closeness stirring heat within me, “and damn us all to the depths of the underworld, if I could not have you.” She crashed her lips to mine in a violent kiss.
But I did not welcome her kiss. I wouldn’t give in to her again. Not now, on a crowded train, not when she had drunk from me so violently and after everything that had already happened. Whatever desire that was stoked by the lowest and worst parts of me at her words, was nothing compared to the pain, hurt and confusion I felt. It was like she was not at all herself and entirely herself all at once.
She pulled back and looked at me curiously.
“Don’t,” I warned her.
She laughed and tried to kiss me again. I turned my head away.
“I’m serious, Selene, I’m not interested,” I told her and began to try and stand from her lap, but she refused to release her hold on me.
“Let me go,” I demanded.
“What’s wrong with you?” she demanded in return, echoing my earlier words. Her eyes flashed, dangerously.
“I don’t know—maybe the woman who claims to love me allowed me to be chased like an animal, risked my life, made me leave my home, my friends, and all she cares about is blood and sex,” I replied angrily, my weak voice rising.
Her arms released me then, and I stood from her lap, falling back into the opposite seat.
Selene stood abruptly as I sat down. She stared at me for what felt like a long while before speaking.
“You stay right there. You do not move. You do not leave this compartment. Do you understand?” she asked firmly.
I nodded my assent.
