Rani Meyer
Figured I’d see how many more you had.
Piper Menon
Oh, I could go on. Vanilla ice cream, banana juice, albino tadpoles, poor man’s custard, baby shower, grandma’s hair gel.
Rani Meyer
Okay, I’m tapping out.
Piper Menon
Penis colada, protein punch, cock snot.
[Rani Meyerhas left the chat]
twenty-five
nisha
Hollywood Heartthrobs In Frilly Aprons
Pearl giggles as Bob sniffs her from head to toe, her little hand jutting out to pet his ears.“He’s so big, Aunt Nisha,”she signs.“And his ears are so long.”
I smile from my place behind the kitchen island, where I have several tomatoes and an onion laying on a cutting board. I had intended to slice them, but I’m too engrossed in watching Pearl and Rome interact with Bob.
It’s not the first time they’ve met, but Bob’s theatrics never fail to entertain them.
“Where’s his toy?” Rome speaks while he signs for Pearl’s benefit before crouching down to scratch Bob’s chin. “You know, the mini baseball bat that looks like Darth Vader?”
I roll my lips together. Clearly, my nine-year-old nephew has come up with his own definition of my vibrator since no one has explained to him what it really is. We’ve all just stuck with calling it “Bob’s special toy”. And really, from some angles, it does look like a talking baseball bat stuck on repeat.
I’m just about to answer when we hear a muffled mechanical voice from somewhere between my couch cushions.“I’m your father. I’m your father.”
Bob, who was melting into the affection from the kids—his hind leg twitching with happiness—immediately perks up at the sound and hobbles over to the couch. Bob must have buried his toy there this morning while Patton and I were “preoccupied”.
What? It was the only time we knew we’d get for a while since the kids were due to arrive an hour later to spend the weekend with us while Troy and Sarina were in Mexico.
Speaking of, I can’t wait to catch up with my sister to find out how she liked the venue. They’re doing a small wedding with just their closest family and friends, but no matter the size, planning a wedding is stressful.
Needless to say, we’re all looking forward to being a part of their big day. And now, it seems I, Sarina’s maid of honor, will have a date to take to it.
Bob emerges with my dildo clutched between his jowls before parading it around the living room like a show pony. I’m just glad he’s obsessed with the dildo instead of my houseplants. I still have PTSD from watching him “water” my Thai Constellation Monstera that first time.
But I will reluctantly admit, the beast has grown on me.
Whether he’s sensing the baby or because we’ve grown closer over the last few weeks, he’s been even more attentive, shoving his head under my palm until I give in, or keeping his eyes glued on me from across the room like one of those creepy illusion paintings.
Plus, he’s a complete goofball with antics that rival a Victorian damsel. Just the sight of a butterfly can send him into a dramatic floor flop as if he’s been shot. Let’s just say, it makes our evening walks very entertaining.
Pearl laughs again, her long red hair swinging around her waist. She’s almost five but tall for her age, with the same shade of hazel eyes as her famous baseball player dad.
For three years, Troy raised Pearl as a single dad while being the star pitcher for the Blazers. It’s no small feat with a deaf daughter who needed special attention and communication, especially when he was often on the road.
But after his elbow injury sidelined him a little over a year and a half ago, something changed. I think taking care of Pearl at home made him realize what he’d been missing. And though he’d returned for another season post-recovery, his heart wasn’t with baseball anymore.
It didn’t hurt that he’d also fallen hard for my sister—who’d been divorced from her douchey ex-husband for years—and seamlessly stepped into a father role for Rome, too. Now, they’re the epitome of a perfect blended family with Rome learning baseball from one of the best in the league while Pearl communicates effortlessly with Sarina.
