This might be the last time I see her, so I let my gaze meet hers, finding those golden eyes shining with tears.
“I could never feel those things about you, Arthur. I won’t. Ever. How could I? You’re the strongest person I know. The kindest, bravest, best person I’veeverknown.” Her grip loosens, but only so she can wrap her fingers around my wrist to pull me closer to her. “I’m sorry I didn’t let you tell me all of this sooner. I’m sorry I made you feel like you couldn’t.” I open my mouth to deny it, but she tips her head to the side, shaking it. “I did. I was so caught up feeling likemylife would be too much foryou, like my burden would be too much for you to carry, that I didn’t give you the chance to share your own. I didn’t trust that when I fell, you’d be there to catch me, because no one has ever been. But you were. Youare. I didn’t trust that when I fell in love with you, you might fall in love with me, too.”
“I did,” I say quickly. “You didn’t fall alone, Alice. It was whenwefell, not just you. I started falling in love with you the moment we locked eyes, but I didn’t trust it then either. I didn’t believe it could be real.”
“And now?” she asks as another tear falls down her perfect cheek. I reach out to catch it, wipe it away.
“Loving you is the realest thing I’ve ever felt, tesouro. I’ve never believed in anything, trusted anything, the way I believe in this. Us.” I keep my hand on her cheek, and she nuzzles into it, a small smile tipping her lips up.
“I came here with every intention of leaving and never coming back. I wanted to leave and find a place that felt like home, where I felt safe and loved. But I found it here. You’re my home, my safe place, my love.” She reaches up with her free hand, wiping away my tears like I did hers. “Ilove you, Arthur,” she whispers with eyes still locked on mine.
A sob that should make me embarrassed leaves me then, and I inch closer to Alice, bringing our foreheads together.
“I love you,” she repeats as we hold on to one another.
“I love you,” I say, kissing her tears away. I repeat those three words until her tears are dry and a giggle escapes her. I’ve never felt so light, so free, as I do in this moment.
THIRTY-EIGHT
you wanna teach me to ride, baby?
Alice
It’s been a week since the accident, three days since I came back to the farmhouse, and I don’t think I’ve been alone for more than thirty minutes.
Arthur even keeps me company when I shower or take a bath. He’s kept a close eye on my painkiller schedule, and despite the pain sometimes being near unbearable, I haven’t needed to take anything stronger than the over-the-counter medicine the doctor sent me home with.
I’m pretty sure every member of Arthur’s family has been here, even if it was just to drop something off. I haven’t driven anywhere, haven’t cooked anything, haven’t been allowed to do more than go on slow, gentle walks.
Someone is always here to help me sit or stand. Fortunately, they leave me alone when I go into the bathroom, but Arthur’s mom did offer to help me in there once. I nearly died of embarrassment, but she assured me that after giving birth as many times as she had, she’s neededhelp in more ways than she thought possible. I thanked her, but we didn’t cross that line.
Arthur has taken to sleeping in the guest room, which I hate, but he’s worried he’ll try to cuddle me in his sleep and hurt me. The thought does terrify me. He’s hardly touched me because even hugs hurt these days. Not being able to touch me hasn’t stopped him from doing everything he can to show me he loves me, though. He took care of everything at Gran’s care facility. Sam and Paige finished cleaning out her house while I was still in the hospital. Gabriel’s been super helpful with the realtor since they’re friends.
I’ve tried to resist the help a few times, have felt guilty for taking it, but only due to my own issues, because no one has made me feel like I’m a burden.
It’ll take some getting used to, but I’ve accepted that this is my life now. It all happened so fast, but nothing’s ever felt as right as being in Ojai, and that’s not something I ever could have anticipated or planned for. This town and its people have surprised me in all the best ways.
It’s been nearlyfour weeks of recovery, and I’m officially pain-free—something I’ve been trying to convince Arthur of since I met with Dr. Marishka.
I snuck into the barn to see the horses, and I know he’s eventually going to find out and give me that concerned look he seems to wear permanently. I’m starting to hate it now that I’m finally feeling like myself again.
Just as I expected, there’s a shuffling of boots behind me. “It’s him, isn’t it, Moose?” The giant horse nuzzlesinto me in a movement that feels like a nod, and it makes me laugh.
When I turn, Arthur is breathing heavily, like he just ran here. When he sees my riding boots, he pinches the bridge of his nose, closing his eyes. “Jesus, woman. You’re going to give me gray hairs if you keep doing shit like this.”
I giggle, moving close enough that I can reach up and touch the hair peeking out beneath his backward cap, where he already has a few grays that I absolutely adore. He hasn’t had a haircut in weeks, and I love that I can so easily touch his hair even when he’s wearing a hat. “Aww, my love, it’s too late for that.”
He moves his hand to my waist, keeping his eyes closed as he breathes through the frustration I’m clearly causing.
“Are you going to be a helicopter dad when you have kids?” His eyes pop open, but I don’t stop. “Protect them from every little thing? Because you can’t, you know? Kids get hurt. And I’m not a kid. I’m fine, Arthur. I’ve healed.” I lower my hand to rest on my hip, waiting for him to argue with me.
“You want kids, tesouro?” His eyes soften, his hand pulling me closer.
“Um—I—Do you?” Oh gosh, what have I done? I just brought up him being a dad, like the true dummy that I am. It’s too much. Too fast. Yes, we’ve admitted our feelings and we live together, but this is too far, isn’t it?
“With you? Hell yeah, but I asked ifyouwant kids. Do you?” His other hand travels from my hip to my lower back, causing my arm to fall limply at my side.
“I do,” I whisper with my heart threatening to beat its way out of my ribcage. It’s not a thought I’ve ever allowed myself to have out loud, but despite my own upbringing,I’ve always dreamed of giving kids the childhood I didn’t have.
