Whatever. I just did.
“Whichever seems appropriate in the moment,” the five-year-old responds casually.
Alice looks up at Gabriel first, as if to ask, ‘is she serious?’ And then finally, fucking finally, her gaze lands on me. I give her a quick nod and a wink, and she blushes so beautifully.
“Uh, great. Okay, let’s go explore.” As she stands, she clears her throat, gesturing to the bench with tools left out for today. “Your unc—tio,” she corrects herself, and my heart fucking gallops faster than Jasper when he hears the whistle indicating it’s time for dinner. Alice looks at me briefly again before continuing, “is going to show you what we use to groom the horses. He’s the expert.”
“I thought Rosemary was the expert since she’s been riding horses for longer than twenty-seven years.” Again, Cece is stating facts. Though I don’t know where that number came from.
“You’re right.” Alice chuckles. “But Arthur is learning from Rosemary, so you get two experts today.”
“Everything on this bench is safe for you to touch, Cece,” Rosemary explains.
“And we’ll tell you how we use them and what they’re for, if you want to know,” I add. Cece nods again andreaches for a brush, not letting go of Pickle. When Scout shuffles, a few stalls away, she looks up, searching for the source of the sound. “Scout is right in there, but she can’t come out. She doesn’t know how to open the door. We can stay here as long as you want, all right?”
“All right, Tio.” She keeps touching things, exploring with one hand. “Did you know a horse’s heart is as big as a basketball?” she asks no one in particular.
“I don’t think I did,” Alice says. “Maybe that’s why they’re so good at making people feel better.” It’s a nice sentiment, but I can see what’s coming next from a mile away. My brother, who I’ve yet to talk to, looks at me with that same friendly smile he gave Alice and raises his eyebrows knowingly, waiting for Cece to be Cece.
“Actually,” Cece starts, “it’s because they have to run really fast, and they need big hearts to pump blood through their bodies.”
Alice pulls her lips between her teeth to keep from smiling or laughing. She’s as enamored with this little kid as we all have been since the day she was born, and I’m so glad I’m here to witness it.
After another thirty minutes of fielding questions, Cece decides she’s ready to get closer to Scout. Rosemary and I take turns showing her from afar how we approach the horse, and how calm she is. We explain what she can expect things like Scout’s mane to feel like, or what sounds she might hear.
When Cece starts to fidget with Pickle, Alice asks her if she’d like to go outside, and I stay back, giving them space. Gabriel stays, too, while Rosemary takes a few things back to the tack room.
Neither of us moves, but he’s the first to speak. “That was really amazing, Art. You’re really good at this.” His words hit their target like an arrow straight to my heart. Itshould feel good to have my brother compliment me, but in my mind, all it does is highlight all the ways I’ve failed. “And Alice managed to win her over quickly. She prepped us for nearly every possible outcome. She’s pretty incredible.”
I remain quiet, but clench my jaw so tightly that my molars are about to crack. I sniff, crossing my arms to keep from responding to my brother’s clear admiration for the woman I already know is, as he says, incredible.
“She’s a little young for you, though, no? Twenty-seven… That’s eight years younger than you, old man.” Annnnd there it is. He’s trying to rile me up, and it’s fucking working.
“Guess that means she’s too young for you, too, then, since you’re all of a year younger than me.” I hardly even finish my sentence before he’s laughing.
“Who said anything about me? She’s going to be my daughter’s therapist. I’m not doing anything to get in the way of that.” He turns to me, slapping a hand on my shoulder. “Besides, it was obvious from the moment we walked in that you were jealous as hell. All we talked about was Cece and Alice had a few questions about her grandmother’s house.”
Her what?
“I was giving her some advice, and she didn’t show any signs of being interested in me like that. Not like how she nearly melted into a puddle on the ground when she looked at you earlier.” He gives my shoulder a squeeze, not moving his hand. “I miss you, bro. It’s been really good to see you like this today.”
I lower my chin to my chest, trying not to let my emotions get the best of me. Trying not to dwell on what he said about how Alice reacted when she looked at me. Trying not to think about why she told my brother, a nearstranger, about her grandmother, whom I’ve hardly heard anything about. “I miss you, too,” I manage to get out.
The rest of the afternoon is a blur. I somehow focus on my tasks, but barely, and for the first time, maybe ever, I’m thankful Rosemary went home early so she can’t call me out on my bullshit.
TWENTY
i told her to respectfully fuck off
Alice
The energy in the house has shifted since Cece and Gabriel came a few days ago, and I wish I knew why. I mean, I can easily explain why things have shifted for me. It doesn’t take a genius to see I’m increasingly attracted to Arthur. And if my face is doing its thing, I wouldn’t be surprised if there’s not actual drool on my chin when I do see him.
Though he doesn’t have to see proof of it since he leaves for work before six o’clock almost every morning, and still there’s always coffee and breakfast made for me. Sometimes it’s a bagel with cream cheese and honey—Josie’s honey is the best I’ve ever tasted. Sometimes it’s overnight oats and fruit, or chia pudding, or fresh bread I still don’t comprehend the existence of because there’s no way he has time to make that if he sleeps at night.
Add to all of this that he shared something personal with me when he saw I was having a hard time, and the man is a whole swoony package. Don’t get me started onthe baseball caps he likes to flip backward when he’s grooming the horses. It’s truly unfair to be living with a man like this. Hence the drool.
Now I get what Charlie was saying. It’s impossible to live with a Machado and not at least think about sex constantly. I’ve never thought about it this much. I’ve neverwantedit this much. And though it’s not something I should have time for when I’m either making morning or afternoon visits to see Gran, on top of trying to figure out how to fix up her house to sell, my brain finds any available sliver of opportunity to dwell on Arthur.
