“I need you so bad,” he whispered into my neck. “You hear me, Toni? I need you so bad, baby.”
His words broke somethin’ in me. My tears came harder and I pulled him in closer, holdin’ him so tight my arms started to shake. His body was covered in sweat and his chest was slidin’ against mine with every stroke, and the wet heat from his skin made every nerve in me feel alive. His hips kept movin’, nice and slow but deep enough to make me whine, and he moaned every time he hit my pussy deeper.
“‘Lo…” I cried out, my voice crackin’ ‘cause the way he was lovin’ me didn’t feel like sex no more. It felt like he was tryin’ to fix everything inside both of us with the way he moved inside me.
He lifted his head and looked down at me, and the tears in his eyes made me furrow my brows, and bite my lip. His face was inches from mine and his voice dropped to this soft, shaky whisper.
“I’mma fight for us.”
He kissed me again, and his tongue slid into my mouth right when he pushed into me harder. The bed shook under us, and his body pressed me deeper into the mattress with each stroke. My legs was bent back, my toes curlin’, and my whole dam body tremblin’ ‘cause he was strokin’ me like he was tryna pour every apology he ever owed me into my body.
His sweat dripped onto my chest and slid down between my titties, and the heat of it mixed with the way he was movin’ made me cry even harder. He kissed my cheeks, my forehead, my lips, then my neck again, and every kiss felt like he was tellin’ me he was sorry without sayin’ the actual words.
“I love you,” he whispered against my mouth between thrusts. “I love you so much it hurt.”
I grabbed the sides of his face and pulled him into another kiss, and he moaned into my mouth like the sound broke out before he could stop it. His hips picked up a lil’ more speed, and now his body was startin’ to shake with every stroke. His arms was under my legs now, holdin’ them back while he thrust into me with this heavy, emotional pressure that made my whole lower body ache in the best way.
“‘Lo… I’m cumin’…” I whispered, my voice shaky ‘cause my stomach was tight and my thighs was tremblin’ around him.
He kissed me again, then whispered against my lips, “Baby cum for me. Let me feel what I almost lost. Cum right here on me.”
His words pushed me right over the edge. My back arched and my mouth opened and my hips lifted into his, and I came so fuckin’ hard the tears rolled straight down the sides of my face. The second the orgasm hit me, I got so wet it slid him even deeper, and he caught my face and kissed me deep, his tongue all in my mouth while he kept poundin’ me and hittin’ that same spot over and over. He stayed inside me real deep, draggin’ everystroke right where I needed it while the orgasm ripped through me, and the wetter I got, the harder he pushed into me like he felt it all. I could barely breathe through how good it felt, and he kept kissin’ me through the whole orgasm.
He groaned loud in my ear when he felt my pussy tighten, and his hips pushed deeper, then deeper again. I was so wet he sunk all the way in, and every thrust made him let out this deep moan that vibrated through my whole body. His breathin’ turned rough and fast, and I could feel him losin’ control right on top of me, his chest shakin’ every time he drove into me and hit that same spot that made my legs shake.
“Fuck… baby…” he moaned again. He held my legs back with both hands and started strokin’ even deeper. His hips kept rollin’ into me, and every time he pushed forward, another moan fell out of him like he couldn’t hold it back.
“I’m right here, baby,” he whispered, his voice breakin’ all over again. “I’m right here with you.”
He thrust into me one more time, shakin’ and then he came hard.
His body jerked and his hips pressed hard into mine as he let out a sound that came from the bottom of his chest. His forehead dropped to mine and his breath hit my face and I felt his release deep inside me while his arms wrapped around me.
He stayed inside me, still kissin’ me, still rubbin’ his face against mine, and still whisperin’ lil’ pieces of love into my ear.
He ain’t move, and he ain’t let go.
He just stayed pressed against me, inside me, breathin’ hard and kissin’ me soft while both our tears soaked into the pillow.
“I love you, Toni,” he whispered again, his voice tired and full of emotion.
I rubbed the back of his head slow, feelin’ his hair under my fingertips, and pulled him even closer.
“I love you so much, ‘Lo,” I whispered. “I’m right here.”
And he held me like that promise saved him.
The Lotus Mind Center
To be honest… I ain’t know how the fuck I felt about comin’ to therapy. The month went by slow as hell and fast at the same time, and every week when me and Toni pulled up to this shit, I felt my abs get tight, like part of me wanted to get out the car and part of me wanted to turn around and act like none of this shit was ever a problem. I kept tellin’ myself I ain’t belong in no place like this, but after everything that happened between me and my wife, I knew I couldn’t keep pretendin’ like I was fine. I wasn’t fine. Toni knew it too. She held my hand every time we walked in here, and even if I ain’t say shit about it, her hand was the only thing keepin’ me grounded.
The buildin’ was laid back and bright every time we came. Plants was everywhere with soft music playin’. White folks wasin the lobby was whisperin’ like they ain’t want nobody to know they had problems. And then there was me. Kay’Lo Mensah, sittin’ on a couch that cost too much money, feelin’ out of place as fuck while Toni stayed right next to me, squeezin’ my fingers like she was lettin’ me know that no matter how weird this shit felt, she was here.
We had been seein’ Dr. Mariah Ellington for four weeks now. She was a Black woman with calm eyes and a soft voice that kinda irritated me at first, only ‘cause she ain’t look scared of me or confused by me. She talked to me like she already understood parts of me I never even said out loud. She ain’t push too hard, yet she always asked the kind of questions that made my skin get hot, ‘cause she could see shit I ain’t want her to see.
Some days I barely talked. Toni would pick up where I left off, explain what nights looked like for us, explain the arguin’ and the mood swings, explain the times she woke up and I wasn’t in the bed no more. She told her about how I paced through the house at three in the mornin’ talkin’ to myself, talkin’ to thoughts that came and went too fast for me to catch. Sometimes I would snap, sometimes I would zone out so far that my whole body felt disconnected from everything around me, and Toni would touch me just to bring me back.
She held my hand while she talked every time. She kissed the back of it on days when she could feel I was about to shut down. And Dr. Ellington paid attention to everything, her eyes movin’ between us like she was buildin’ a full picture in her mind.
