The front door was already unlocked. Soon as I stepped inside, I saw them walkin’ toward me with smiles that made my chest pull tight. My mama came first, quick on her feet even though she moved soft, and she wrapped her arms around my neck while she pressed her cheek against mine.
“Baby, oh my goodness, we’ve been waitin’ on you,” she said, kissin’ my face like she used to when I was lil’ and scraped my knees.
I let myself hold her for a second ‘cause she always smelled like lavender and warm sugar, and it felt familiar in a way I missed. My pops stepped up and pulled me into a hug too, firm and proud. It was that hug men give when they mean it even if they ain’t sayin’ much.
When my mama pulled back, she glanced behind me with her eyebrows raised, then looked at me real soft. “Why you didn’t bring Toni?”
I shifted my eyes toward my father without movin’ my head, then looked right back at my mama. “You know why.”
She drew in a breath through her nose and nodded slow, not wantin’ to open that wound right here in the foyer. She touched my arm and kept her voice light. “Well, come inside, baby. Are you hungry? I can fix something for you.”
“I’m good, Ma,” I said, followin’ them into the livin’ room.
The house looked the same. Big white couches, clean marble floors, soft music playin’ somewhere far off, and sunlight pourin’ through the tall windows like gold paint streakin’ across the floors. It was peaceful, and that made the tension in my chest feel even heavier ‘cause I wanted to match the room, but I couldn’t.
We sat down, and my father leaned back in his chair, but I saw his eyes flicker down toward my hand. He ain’t say nothin’ at first, but he stared long enough that my mama noticed too.
“What’s that on your finger?” he finally asked, his voice firm but low.
I inhaled slow. I knew this was comin’, but sayin’ the words out loud felt like steppin’ into a fire I already smelled burnin’.
“Me and Toni got married,” I said, keepin’ my voice calm. “We dipped off and did it.”
My mama’s eyes shot open a lil’ wider and her mouth parted like she was waitin’ for me to laugh and tell her I was playin’. “Married?” she whispered. “Baby… what? When?”
“Few weeks back,” I said. “We ain’t want a big thing. We just wanted it to be us.”
My pop’s face didn’t crack into no smile. He didn’t say congratulations. He didn’t look proud. He sighed, long and slow, then shook his head like the air disappointed him.
“So you just run off and get married without your family? That’s what we doing now?” he asked.
I sat up straighter. “Y’all didn’t accept what I told you the first time. I wasn’t about to keep sittin’ around waitin’ for y’all approval when I already knew what I wanted.”
“That don’t make sense, son,” he said. “We are a close family. We don’t move like strangers.”
“That’s funny,” I muttered, “’cause that’s exactly how y’all been treatin’ me. Like a stranger, and you judged my wife before givin’ her a chance.”
My pop’s eyes narrowed just a lil’ but he kept his tone even. “You don’t know the first thing about marriage.”
That hit me straight in the chest. I swallowed hard and stared at him. “I don’t get why you keep comin’ down on me like that. You don’t know what the fuck I know. You don’t know what I been dealin’ with.”
My mama leaned forward, worry pourin’ across her face, but she ain’t say nothin’.
“I been goin’ through shit,” I said. “Real shit. And I don’t know what’s goin’ on with me half the time. I always knew I was different, but now it’s like my mind drop into these dark places and I be thinkin’ things that ain’t even real. Toni is the one holdin’ me down through all that. She the reason I ain’t snapped for real.”
My pops sat up, shook his head, and waved his hand like he was brushin’ away flies. “Ain’t nothing wrong with you, Kay’Lo. You’re a strong man. You don’t have no issues. Don’t put that on yourself.”
I let out a laugh that didn’t feel like a laugh. It felt like frustration crawlin’ its way out my throat. “See, that’s exactly what I’m talkin’ about. Every time I try to say somethin’ real, you shut it down like I’m supposed to be perfect.”
“You are not weak,” he said.
“Why you so afraid to let me be weak sometimes?” I asked him, my voice raisin’ without me even tryin’. “Why I can’t be a human bein’ to you? Why I gotta pretend everything fine when it ain’t?”
My pop’s jaw clenched before he stood up slow, like he was tryna keep control over the room. I stood up too ‘cause I wasn’t about to let him look down on me like I was a boy he needed to correct. My mama stood up right after us, puttin’ her hands out in front of both of us.
“Please,” she whispered. “Please stop.”
My pop’s glanced her way, then looked right back at me. “Let him be a man, Tre,” he said. “He wanna step to me, let him.”
