“You didn’t scare me,” she whispered. “You made me worried. That’s all.”
I nodded against her, breathin’ her in, lettin’ her strength fill the parts of me that felt empty. I wrapped my arms around her waist and held her tighter, lettin’ myself lean into her ‘cause I ain’t trust myself to stand up right now.
We ain’t say nothin’ else.
Her fingers kept movin’ across my back, slow and warm.
My head stayed in her lap while I tried to breathe through the storm in my chest.
The ocean kept crashin’ behind us like it was echoin’ everything inside my mind.
And finally, I let somebody hold me while I broke.
Because Toni wasn’t just my wife…
She was the only person in this world who could touch my darkness and not run from it.
Shit was startin’ to get rocky between me and Toni and I knew I had to get back on my good foot, ‘cause the last thing I ever wanted was for my baby to feel like she couldn’t trust me to love her right.
All that tension from last night and this mornin’ was sittin’ between us like a weight, and even though she ain’t say it out loud, I felt it every time she looked at me for a lil’ too long. She had that soft worried look in her eyes, the one she tried to hide‘cause she ain’t wanna make me feel worse. I hated that look. I hated that I was the reason she had to wear it.
So today, I told myself I was gon’ do whatever I had to do to make her feel good again. Not just sexually, ‘cause that wasn’t what this day was about. I wanted her heart relaxed. I wanted her laugh back. I wanted her to feel like her husband knew how to love her even through the shit he couldn’t name yet.
By afternoon, the sun was warm across the backyard and the air felt lighter than it did this mornin’, and when I saw Toni walk past me in that lil’ fitted romper, twistin’ her natural hair into a puff and lookin’ at me with that soft smile she only gave me when she wanted peace, it made my chest loosen up in a way I wasn’t expectin’.
“Aye,” I said, reachin’ for her waist and pullin’ her in close. “Let’s ride out for a minute. I feel like gettin’ some air with my girl.”
She looked up at me with brows raised like she was checkin’ my vibe before she answered. “Where we goin’?”
“Don’t know. Don’t care. Long as you in the passenger seat.”
She smirked a lil’ and shook her head like she couldn’t help bein’ charmed. “Boy, go get the keys.”
We hopped in the convertible, top down, sunlight hittin’ her thighs and her hair blowin’ wild in the wind while she leaned back like she finally felt some peace. I cut on some D’Angelo, let that smooth shit wrap around us while I pulled off, and it felt like the whole world slowed down just so we could breathe.
She lit the blunt first, took that slow pull and passed it to me while givin’ me that side-eye smirk that always made me wanna kiss her.
I hit it a few times, held the smoke, passed it back, and she took another slow drag while her eyes stayed on me. Every now and then she tapped my thigh with her nails like she was doin’ it without thinkin’, like her body just wanted to touch me.
When the blunt was half gone, I reached across the console and grabbed her hand. She ain’t hesitate. She slid her fingers between mine like that’s where they belonged. I brought her hand up and kissed the back of it slow, then kissed her fingers, then her wrist, lettin’ her know without no big speeches that her husband was right here with her, present, solid, and locked in.
She smiled a lil’ at the way I kept her hand close, and that smile damn near knocked the wind outta me. That was the smile I woke up for, the smile I killed for, the smile I damn near lost this mornin’ when I snapped.
So I kept holdin’ her hand as I drove, lettin’ the breeze hit my face while D’Angelo hummed through the speakers and Toni laughed every time her hair smacked her in the lip.
After a while we pulled up to a lil’ spot on the water and grabbed some food to go. She ordered her usual. I ordered my usual. We talked shit in the car while waitin’ and laughin’ over dumb shit.
By the time we got home, the sun was settin’ and the sky looked like it had been painted just for us. We went upstairs with our food, throwin’ it on the bed like two big ass kids who ain’t care about crumbs or nothin’. I cut the TV on, scrollin’ through funny movies ‘til we found somethin’ stupid as hell but perfect for the mood.
We ate, joked around, paused the movie to smoke again, and she got the giggles so bad I had to kiss her to shut her up. She tasted like fruit and smoke and somethin’ sweet I could never get enough of.
After we ate and the movie kept playin’, I laid my head in her lap. The second I felt her hands in my hair, somethin’ inside a nigga softened. Her nails grazed the back of my head slow, then slid to the side of my face, caressin’ me like she was touchin’ somethin’ fragile but still strong.
Every few minutes she bent down and kissed my lips, soft and quick, then leaned back up like she just needed to touch me again.
“‘Lo,” she whispered, runnin’ her fingers across my jaw.
I looked up at her, my hand liftin’ to grab the back of her neck. “Yeah, baby?”
