Maybe I hit my head too hard and I’m seeing things. I didn’t think there were snakes in the New Mexico desert until now.
NowI wish I’d spent more time looking where I was going and less time feeling sorry for myself.
The snake isn’t moving. The moment I stopped moving, it did as well. Its black body glistens under the harsh sun. A long, forked tongue tastes the air.
Unblinking black eyes fix on me.
“Get up,” I whisper, the sound of my pounding heart filling my head.
This is real, and this is actually happening, so get the hell up, Byrdie. Now.
I put my palms down on the hard red ground and push up.
Hiss.
I freeze.
The snake's tongue tastes a little more of the air, and its body starts to sway.
I try to recall every nature show I ever watched and have no clue if this is a sign it’s about to attack.
Then it does something even more terrifying.
It slides toward me.
I shove myself up.Fast. The ankle I turned when I fell screams at me. I ignore the sharp shooting pain that radiates up my leg and back away from the snake, never taking my eyes off it and not daring to even blink.
Only when it slows do I risk looking away, half-running and half-hobbling as fast as I can. Sweat slicks down my forehead, and my ankle hurts so much I’m practically crying.
When I peer over my shoulder to check where it is, there’s no sign of it, and I hope that means it’s stopped following me.
Just let yourself die.
There’s something to be said about someone leaving you in a place so perfect to die that you wonder why you don’t just do it. But no matter how many times I tell myself to sit down and save myself from an ankle that hurts and a blisteringly hot sun that makes each step hard work, I can’t do it.
No one will miss me.
No one will care.
No one will even come and look for me.
Makhi fired me for something I didn't do, and he slammed the door in my face. Jeremiah’s acolytes stuffed me in the trunk of their car and drove six hours to take me back to Jeremiah at the compound. Even if Vonn, who cared enough to lend me his dog tags, wanted to come after me, he couldn’t. He doesn’t know where I went, and he could never find me. No one could. At least, not in time.
I should just sit down on the ground and let myself die.
But something inside me won’t let me do it.
There has to be more to life than a mom who never gave me much of a chance to live a life I wanted, moving from school to school, and never belonging.
“Oof.”
I don’t realize I’m falling until my face hits the ground. It doesn’t hurt as much as it should. Everything fights me when I try to get up. My arms won’t work. My legs throb, and my skin burns. When I lick my cracked lips, even my tongue feels dry.
Fighting with myself, I roll onto my side, enough that I can breathe. I stare out across the desert, and I know this is it.
I’ve walked… I don’t know how long I’ve walked.
I can’t go any further. It wasn’t enough.Iwasn’t enough.
