“Of course. I’d be delighted.” Kendra smiles warmly at Pearl, but there’s concern in her eyes. I never ask her to babysit at the spur of the moment. “What’s come up? Anything I can help with?”
I shake my head, bending to kiss Winnie’s soft head. She’s snoring softly, limp and a little sweaty like she gets when she’s really conked out.
“Here,” I pass her to Kendra. She startles, not prepared, but she recovers quickly and snuggles Winnie to her chest.
Lowering myself to one knee, I look Pearl in the face. “You be good for Aunt Kendra, okay?”
Pearl nods, solemn as a judge.
“And watch your sister.”
“Yes, Mommy,” she says softly. The blood rushes louder in my head.
“I love you.”
“I love you, too.”
I force myself to stand. That’s enough.
I’m not sure when was the last time I saw my mother. I remember waking up to banging on the door and the police in SWAT gear and the stuffed bear the paramedics gave me, but all my memories of my mom come from before that night. If she said goodbye to me, I can’t remember. It’s better that way.
I catch Kendra’s worried gaze. “Adrian is working, and he can’t be disturbed. If you need anything, call me.”
Her eyes widen as she adds two plus two and gets five. She probably assumes that I don’t want Adrian to know that I’m off on my own, and I guess I don’t. Maybe she thinks I’mgoing to see a lawyer. I bet she has, or wishes she could. Gideon clearly makes her miserable. Good for her getting some distance from him.
“Are you sure there’s nothing I can do to help?” she asks.
Forcing a smile, I assure her, “Watching the girls on such short notice is more than enough.”
I give Pearl a quick hug and Winnie another kiss, and then I stride out the door like I’m not leaving every organ in my body behind.
This is the right thing. I’m past the point of trouble. The roar in my ears is fucking with my eyes. Distances won’t hold steady. The car is a mile away, but I’m there in a split second, and Martinez is opening the door.
What do I do next? Get away, but how can I with these two up my ass? Johnson is staring back at me from the driver’s seat, his lips moving. What does he want?
“Mrs. Maddox?”
He must want to know where to go. I don’t know. I have nowhere. Mrs. Flowers is gone, and she was a person, not a place. There is no home. I had Adrian, but that was temporary. Every place is temporary.
Where was I just now?
Kendra’s.
I can’t go back there. I can’t let them take the girls. What was that thought I had about what Kendra must think? That I’m going to see a lawyer? I have a lawyer. I ditched my security the last time I saw him. What was his name?
“Take me to my lawyer,” I say and then the two functioning wires in my brain touch and spew out a name. “Drake Chambers.”
Johnson talks some more—the sounds buzz around the car like trapped flies—but I can’t match them with words, and eventually, he must figure it out himself because we start moving.
As we drive, I stare sightlessly out the window. Horrors crowd the edges of my mind, clutching my lungs with skeleton bone fingers, but most of me is floating alongside the car in its cold, windy wake. The sky is low and gray. Everything is over now. Again.
When we get to the Tudor office building in Scarsdale, I say, “Stay here. This is my lawyer’s office. You can’t come in.”
Practically leaping from the car, I leave them staring at each other, deciding whether or not to listen.
From where they’re parked, they have a clear view through the glass front doors into the lobby, and they’re watching like hawks as they argue with each other. I can’t slip out the back. They’d see. I’ll have to go up the elevator and come back down on another floor. There must be an exit that takes you out the back.
The doors slide open almost as soon as I push the button.
