“I thought you’d understand.” He shook his head. “I should’ve known.”
“Known what?”
“That you’d never give up, youneverhave.” He seemed to realize that slowly.
Something was different in the way he looked at me that crisp autumn morning when the sun was hidden behind the clouds and the gulls soared across the deep blue sky. I was different. He saw it. But he was not afraid, not like I expected. Most people didn’t like change, couldn’t handle it, but Wynter Kwon welcomed it like the shift of the seasons. He accepted it.Accepted me. And that wasterrifyingwithin itself, the idea alone of being accepted as I was. Thorns and all.
“Can you…” I hesitated to ask, but desperately wanted to get out of there. “Get me cinnamon rolls, I’m hungry?”
His upper lip curved into a smile, his American-Girl-Doll-perfect smile. Pageant queens have nothing on him. “Whatever you want, Soh.” He shook his head, standing up and reaching his hand out to me. I swallowed hard at the gesture, my palm sweaty, nervous at the contact, but I accepted it and let him pull me up.
“Dangerous thing to say to a girl like me who wantssomuch,” I warned.
“Dangerous challenge for a man like me who haseverythingto give.”
“Is that so?” I contemplated. “I’m insatiable in all the most damning and unpleasant ways.”
His gaze locked on mine, unwavering. “So be it.”
And then we were driving to the cafe down the street. We were fall leaves and sweet pastries, cinnamon, bitter coffee, lattes, and sunshine. We were no longer children, we were all grown up. But just between us, in this space our youth was infinite. Only beside him I wastimeless. He was my secret garden, everything in me blossomed only when he was near.
Flashback Summer 13
It wasn’t quite the end of summer, but rising fall.
Jiwon and I sat by the bay window flipping through magazines amid the overwhelming summer heat. My white cotton dress was doing its very best not to stick to my skin, like my curls glued to my forehead. Bae wore a penny tee and denim shorts as she lay upside down on the beanbag chair in the corner of my bedroom.
“It’s so humid today,” I complained, getting up and opening the bay window to allow a cool breeze in.
“Insufferably so,” Jiwon agreed, flipping through the pages. Then she glanced up at me. “Who’s your celebrity crush?”
“My what?” I repeated, completely dumbfounded.
“You heard me. Your celebrity crush. Like—who do you find attractive?” She lifted an eyebrow, and I swallowed hard.
If I was being entirely honest, I had never really thought about something as trivial as that, especially since we’d moved to the US. My life consisted of constantly trying to be the best at ballet, outshine my peers, and even more so myself. I hadn’t had any crushes in school, let alone friends at the time. I was far too self-absorbed to look outside the window and admire the greenery of other people’s lawns. I simply didn’t have time for myself, let alone boys.
“I don’t have any,” I answered her plainly, and she damn near flipped over.
“Wow, I see how it is,” she gasped, folding her arms and sitting upright.
“How what is?” I wondered, slightly confused.
“You don’t trust me enough to tell me.” She protested, and I rolled my eyes. “Wow, aren’t friends supposed to tell each other everything?”
“I barely tell people my name,” I replied in all honesty.
“Oh, but I’m different. So you have to tell me these kinds of things. My sisters and I spendhourstalking about this!” She insisted. “Beck’s celebrity crush is Justin Timberlake, and mine is Kento Yamazaki.”
“I genuinely don’t think I have one. I’ve never… I’ve never really thought about boys much,” I explained, and it came out far more distant than intended.
Jiwon paused and analyzed my expression, almost as if she was slowly realizing I was being entirely honest and that this was my own kind of vulnerability. Her eyes softened, and she smiled, getting up and sitting down next to me on my bed.
“Who needs a celebrity crush anyway when you can find a real-life boy to fawn over this summer?” she mused, placing her hand over mine.
“I don’t know. Maybe.” I shrugged, appreciating the gesture nevertheless.
“There are lots of cute summer boys for you to have all your first crushes on—especially on the other side of the bay.” She pointed out, trying to make me feel better.
