I swallowed hard and folded my arms in protest at the way he just casually showed up at my door. Matter of fact, I was a little mad at the way he just showed up in my life again out of the blue and without a warning, stepping into my world without a care and making ithis. Oh, it was a nightmare and I needed to either put him in his place or wake up.
“You’re at my door.” I was still trying to process his presence.
“Incredibly observant, aren’t you?” he replied with such effortless sarcasm that was so innate to him that it struck me to my core.
“You have no right to do so, need I remind you.” I scoffed, shaking my head in utter disbelief. “What ever happened to saying hello and how are you doing? I haven’t seen you in years.”
“Pardon me, where are my manners? Hello, Soh, how’re you? You have something that belongs to me and I wish for you to return it,” he prompted in his honey-like tone of voice. I rolled my eyes at him in annoyance.
“If there’s one thing a man willalwayshave it’s the sheer audacity, huh?” I reached for my door handle, “I don’thaveto entertain you.”
“Really?” He lifted an eyebrow.
“Nope. Not even a little bit, not even at all,” I affirmed and there was this twinkle in his eyes, both of annoyance and of curiosity. “Just because your face is all over New York City doesn’t mean it has to be in my doorway,goodbye.”
“You saw my face all over town?”
“Don’t act surprised, feigning ignorance is unbecoming of you,” I chided, and he placed a hand over his heart, satirically like a soldier injured at war.
“Ah I see, and what would you deem becoming of me, Soh?” he questioned, and I couldn’t hold his gaze any longer, I felt like I was being stripped bare.
“It’s Yesoh. And whatever that may be, it’s not my concern to dissect,” I proclaimed, and he pressed his tongue to his cheek with a slight smile—his teeth were so aligned and perfect you’d think they were veneers. He always had peculiarly sharp canines, maybe he was a… “Vampire?”
“What?” He eyes narrowed in confusion, and my skin flushed with embarrassment.
“Nothing! Just go okay, you don’t get to spring up on me like this,” I declared, standing my ground despite how he shook the earth beneath my feet. I wouldn’t let him, not anymore. “Goodbye.”
I then closed the door and leaned against, it holding my breath until I heard a shuffle of footsteps and I knew he’d left. I felt like I’d run a marathon with the way I could feel my heart rattling against my rib cage and the sweat forming on my brow. I had only had one conversation with him and I already felt like I was fighting for my life. It was almost as if hearing his voice opened a portal, and I was spiralling, travelling back in time. When he called me Soh, suddenly I was a few feet shorter, my hair was untamed and tangled, my toes hot with sand that was far away. He made me feel like I was fourteen again.
But I am not. This isfiveyears later, I’ll be twenty in the winter, and I won’t let him shrink me down to the gravel of my youth. I won’t bruise my knees and muddy my boots for him, not anymore.
Just then, I wondered how he could’ve known that I was the one who had his childhood diary, then I remembered Cahya existed and that he couldn’t keep a secret to save his life. I stormed out of my room and made it my sole mission to find him and scold him both for spilling the beans and for not tellingme about Wynter being back in town. I had to walk across campus—it was a lot of effort and I did end up blowing off some steam along the way to the point that when I actually arrived at his dorm door…I almost forgot what I was even mad about. I knocked on the door a few times and waited for it to open.
“Oh, it’s you,” he answered, and I shoved past him to let myself in.
“Whatever happened to sibling solidarity?” I interrogated him, and his eyes widened in surprise, the tips of his ears turning red. “You’re an awful liar, Cahya. God—”
“So I was right then, youdidsteal his diary?” Cahya scoffed, folding his arms in distaste.
I didn’t appreciate his tone. “I did not steal it!”
“Would you prefer the word burgle?” he countered and I rolled my eyes. “Why would you do that?”
“It was staring right at me in the box in your car, howcouldn’tI?” I threw my hands up in the air in defeat.
“Did you just victim-blame the box? Because we don’t do that around here.” Cahya shook his head slowly in disappointment. “Why not just give it back to him huh?”
“It’s old! He hasn’t written in it since summer seventeen. Why does he need it back so soon, hm?” I wondered, trying to make my actions sound better.
“Because it’shis, Yesoh, not yours. He’s been in town for less than a week and you’re already losing it, oh brother,” he scolded. “You do this all the time, this is why I waited to tell you…”
“Do what all the time?” I badgered him and he took a deep breath, soothing his temples.
“Start actingdifferent. I don’t know, he just has that effect on you. You get out of character,” he attempted to explain, but I found myself offended nevertheless, even though I knew he was right.
He was right, this was rather unlike me. I was a ballerina and balance was my forte, both mentally and physically. I could walk across a tightrope like I was as light as a feather, I could stand on my toes for hours and not break a sweat. And yet, all it took was one name to have me losing all composure. I felt like a temperamental kid again, and it was all because of Wynter. I took a seat at Cahya’s desk and took a deep breath in, I needed to get it together.
“Why is he back, Cahya?” I questioned simply, awaiting his answer. “Just...why?”
