“Were thesealwayshere?” I asked Sydney when she caught me staring. “Did I just never notice?”
“Some of them were but there’s definitely so much more now,” she told me, “C’mon, let’s head back, it’s getting late.”
We drove back to campus and settled down in our little studio apartment with Remi who’d already made dinner which was Alfredo pasta. We all curled up by the TV with our bowls and a blanket and binge-watched reruns ofGossip Girl—things seemed so simple and easy when it was just us girls alone in our room. At times like that, it was easier for me to forget that things were oncesodifferent, I was a beach girl through and through right down to my bones. But maybe I could get used to this city life beside people who really did care about me.
That night when the girls were asleep, I grabbed my computer and made a decision to do something I probably shouldn’t have,but I was curious and I was tired of pretending that I wasn’t dying to know. I allowed my curiosity to get the best of me and I hugged my laptop close underneath my blankets and searched up a name I hadn’t thought of in a very long time. A name I didn’t let myself think of.
WYNTER KWON.
And my jaw fell to the floor at the results.
Wynter Andy Kwon is a twenty-one-year-old Korean-English professional figure skater. He grew up in Nottinghamshire with his family before moving all around the world to compete in competitions from the time he was young. By the time he was ten, he had won hundreds of awards and broke the world record for the youngest person to win an Olympic gold medal in figure skating. Now, he is a triple-Olympic-gold-medal champion, and he has become a household name as the story of the rookie who beat the odds is told time and time again. Wynter donates to various charities for the underprivileged and not much is known about the skater’s personal life as he remains very private. Latest news reports that he is the new global ambassador for luxury brand Versace and will be the star of their winter/fall campaign. CLICK HERE TO SEE MORE.
I wanted to see more. And so then I did. I watched videos of him skating even though I’d seen it up close many times before. I watched his performance of “Young and Beautiful” by Lana Del Rey that brought the audience to tears, I watched people clutching their hearts in the audience and the judges wiping their eyes. There was no denying that he was incredibly talented and everyone could see it.
I believe that people like Wynter Kwon were born to be adored, roses were cultivated with the intent to be thrown in his direction, and applause the only sound he’d ever hear. He was a natural-born performer and it was certain from the day that hewas born—on February 14th, which is Valentine’s Day—that he would be loved, and deeply so. There are many critics who argue that his praise is all in vain and should be attributed solely to his looks. And I am no fool, no one is, everyone knows that it never hurts to be good-looking.
But I don’t think Wynter is just as simple as good-looking, he’s like a bright red poppy in a field of evergreen grass, like glaring at the sun at its peak in the sky so much your eyes burn, but you don’t mind. He’s like the thunderstorm that rains down after a long drought. He just stands out without even trying. His beauty is so effortless and captivating. It almost makes my stomach turn. He has never known what it’s like to not have everyone worship the ground he walks on. He’s a god in his own right—there was something religious almost, about the kind of praise he received.
So you see, when it was announced that Julliard—a performing arts school, that was strictly just that for generations, was introducing a figure skating program it was a given that they wouldbeghim to coach, because who was more fit?
And that night as I went to bed, I couldn’t help but wonder what had brought him back to the United States; the last I heard from him, he swore he would never come back,never. I wondered if he remembered that I went to Julliard, that my brother did too. I wonder if the flashing lights were enough to make him forget us all. Maybe we were never even worth holding onto. I wondered, just as Sydney did, if he was different in any way. He certainlylookedit. He was much more mature now, much more sturdy, like a great white oak, and grown up. I wondered if I was too, if he’d notice that if he’d ever see me.
Maybe he’d see me this time.
As I was helping my brother move in the last of his boxes the next day after classes, I may have done a very bad thing.
I did a bad thing, and I don’t know if I regret it. They say curiosity killed the cat, but I believe knowledge revived it. This is why when I saw that one box with things that I knew didn’t belong to Cahya, the box with the diary in it to be exact, I knew that I had to take my chance to get a better look, and that was the only reason that I snuck it underneath my coat and took it with me to my room. If my brother was ever going to actually search for it, he could very easily just ask me. Not that I’d give it back, but he could still ask me. Iknewthis diary, I’d seen it every summer, and I knew more than anything how dear it was to its owner. My only wonder was how the hell my brother had gotten a hold of it?
And so I stared at it as it sat on our coffee table.
Remi, and Sydney were out and so it was just me at the dorms. I sat on the couch, biting the skin under my nails, debating what to do. This was Wynter’s diary, I knew that much was certain because of his initials engraved into the corner. This was the same diary that he had all those summers ago, it was old. I knew it would be wrong to read it and invade his privacy, but there was an allure I couldn’t quite explain to that invasion within itself. I wanted to crawl beneath the floorboards of his mind to get all the answers that I didn’t back then.I knew it was wrong.
There was a part of me that was willing to do whatever it took to get my closure.
But just then, as I was about to crawl into my own mind, there was a knock at my door, and my heart jumped. I realize that it was probably my brother coming to get this back. I grounded and lifted myself up from the couch in frustration, making my way towards the door.
“Listen Cahya if you’re—” I began, swinging the door open, but just as I did, my breath caught in my throat, and I took a step back.
No…there was no fucking way.It couldn’t be.I wasn’t going to let myself believe it for even a second.
There in my doorway, towering over me with his black and gold sunglasses in his hair and cold, dark gaze staring down at me, was none other than the very object of my hyperfixation for the past twenty-four hours.
“It’s...you,” I murmured, glancing up at him.
“You have something that belongs to me.” He leaned against the doorway. “And I want it back.”
I wasbeyondscrewed, but maybe I didn’t really mind this time. Because this would be the year I would make Wynter Kwon see me.
7
Operation Diary On Ice
My heartstopped.
And started again the instant my gaze met his.
I glanced up at him as he leaned against the doorframe and once again so effortlessly casually he was so effortlessly charming in all the most excruciating ways. He looked down at me because we weren’t thirteen anymore and he was evidently much taller than I was, and I was a tall girl standing five foot eight. He had to be way above six feet tall. He had the longest eyelashes I’d ever seen—ones that had no business being on a boy who didn’t know what to do with them. But clearly, hisstylist did. His eyebrows were thick and characterized his face with so much personality. He definitely had makeup on, so I’d assumed he had just come back from a shoot of some sort.
