"Whenyou are my wife." He corrected staring into my eyes lovingly and yet possessively,
"When I am your wife, I will never leave your side, not even in death my love," I assured him with a smile,
"Do you know why I love you, Armani?" He said, trailing his touch up my forearm, "I love you for the way you touch me without using your hands, know that- If I am a dreamer then you are my dream, for you made me feel something I didn't believe in anymore."
I leaned in to kiss him slowly, tenderly, and passionately, his tongue on mine was like fire on ice. He placed his hand on the small of my back and dipped me down like, in one of those cheesy rom-coms, his lips never leaving mine.
This, I could do this forever, because forever didn't seem so infinite when I was with him.
Just then my mind drifted to the rather cruel reminder that I was withholding information from him, and that he needed to know sooner or later and I had to be the one to tell him.
Chapter 34
Chasing River
RIVER AND I sat beside each other on a bench outside in the dead of night. The exhibit had been a success and I got to meet so many prevalent figures in the industry and the craziest thing of all was that they recognizedmefirst. They knew my name before I even called out theirs. It all just felt so incredibly unreal. That I was sitting here in the middle of the night, on a bench along the River Seine, in Paris beside someone who loved me.
I found it incredibly perplexing how much someone’s life could change in a year.
A year ago around this time, I was crying alone in my room stressed out because of my final exams, terrified that I wouldn’t make it, terrified that I would never make it out of there, that I would never get to have my own freedom and see the world outside of my little glass bubble. I was so tired of watching from the windowsill as others accomplished my dreams, and so I decided that night that I would stop feeling sorry for myself and wallowing in sorrow— and go out and chase them. That I would move at my pace, no matter how long It took and claim what belonged to me. I hope this is the fate for all African women, that someday we stop being afraid of taking up space and appreciate all that we have worked for. Because I did, I worked so hard to be here right now, and I will continue to do so for the rest of my days in France.
I turned to River who was staring at me, I suddenly felt flushed, had I been thinking out loud? His eyes seemed to glitter almost in the presence of the moon, the echoing sound of the water in the distance. “What is it?” I asked.
And then he just…smiled at me. His eyes almost disappearing entirely into crescents, I smiled back because my heart…for the first time in my life was so full. I was so content with everything I had, so content with the woman I had grown to be. I felt the tears begin to well in my eyes and River lifted a gentle hand to wipe them away, softly kissing my cheeks to calm me down.
“Why do you cry, my sweet girl?” He asked me.
“B-Because Iloveyou and I’m scared to tell you,” I admitted, remembering Fabian and Keomi’s secret.
“Why would you ever be afraid, to be honest with me?” He wondered, his eyebrows furrowing in concern.
“Because I don’t want to hurt you, your pain is my pain and this…this will hurt River.” I cried, my tears falling hopelessly down my face, my mascara smudging.
“Hey.” He spoke sternly, placing a hand on my cheek and looking deep into my eyes, “I’ll be okay, don’t be scared.”
“I wish I could protect you from this truth.” I pleaded, holding his hands as he rubs circles on my palm to calm me down. “I wish that in this case, ignorance was bliss.”
“Talk to me.” He insisted and I nodded slowly.
“Yesterday when I went over to my dorm, I overheard Keomi and Fabian having a conversation and so I decided to listen in because it sounded serious. Keomi was telling Fabian that everything was all their fault and that she could never forgive herself for what they did. And so then I was really curious as to what they were talking about. So then I asked them to explain everything and Fabian told me that he knew about you and Jace, that he had seen you two that day a few years ago at the mountain peak. That he promised Jace that he would never tell, but then Jace saw Fabian there the day that a girl named Claudia broke her leg when she was being bullied by Elle and her friends. Jace wanted Fabian to give his statement to the police but he was scared, so he threatened Jace to…” I paused feeling my breath catch in my throat.
“He threatened Jace with what?” River asked, his expression immediately turned serious.
“He told Jace that if he told the police, that he would tell everyone about what he saw between you two,” I confessed and I watched as River’s expression contorted from hurt, to annoyance to…absolutely nothing at all. He just stared blankly at me blinking, opening and closing his mouth almost as if he wanted to speak but he didn’t know what to say.
“River…” I hummed, placing my hand on his shoulder in comfort.
“He…threatened to tell, he…” River muttered slowly, processing the information.
“I’m sorry.” I apologised in Fabian’s place. “Fabian also, he told me to tell you that he’s sorry for what he did. That it plagued him every day, Keomi knew about it too and she’s remorseful as well.”
“To who?” He exasperated, “Because it sure as hell can’t be towards me, it’s not me he hurt. It was Jace. What he did was awful.”
“I know, I told him that I was so…so angry.” I expressed.
“No.” River refuted.
“No?”
