I rubbed my belly. The thought of having another little one to fill the ache was strong, but there was no way I could be a single mom of two. Other women did it, but that path wasn’t for me.Adoption had been the only way to have what I wanted. And who knew! Maybe in the future I could adopt another one.
One thing was for certain, I wasn’t using a man to accomplish a family of my own. It wasn’t that I hated sex—I’d had it a few times. But it was the control aspect. I escaped an arranged marriage, and while Alessandro wouldn’t have been a bad man to marry, I wasn’t tying myself to a man. Not even to have a family. No, I escaped. I was free. And that was priceless.
Even hooking up with a stranger to get pregnant was out of the question. There would always be that tie, the question ofwhat iflingering in the back of my mind. I didn’t want another human being to have that power and influence in my life.
I smoothed back Brady’s hair once more. It stayed for a moment, flopped over his scalp, before falling back to cover his forehead.
“Cousin Mikey was right, maybe we should give you a mullet,” I muttered and then smiled at the idea.
Softly kissing my son’s forehead, I rose. Penelope wanted me down there tonight, and I wasn’t going to disappoint her by letting her know how badly it bothered me socializing with the ambitious players of the Chicago scene. It wasn’t as though she was forcing me. She would feel bad that it made me so uncomfortable.
Back downstairs, I found the kitchen empty. I trailed outside, skirting around the patio and into the garden. From back here, I could watch the players, pretend to be part of the evening if my cousin caught me, but not have to actively participate just yet. As I watched, it struck me how wrong I’d been earlier. The twenty odd guests weren’t powerful. Not by a long shot! I had been out of this life so long that their presence overwhelmed me. But after that encounter—
I shivered.
No, there were two predators here tonight. The rest of the guests were merely scavengers.
I shifted, already hating my shoes. I bought them for church but never wore them. Tonight, they chaffed. What I wouldn’t give for my boots.
A laugh bubbled up my throat. I remembered distinctly when Penelope showed up at my father’s house all those years ago. She was crazy, full of life, and wearing her damn cowgirl boots. Who knew she was brilliant? Boots went with everything. And they were damn comfortable.
“What’s so funny?” a jolly voice asked.
I jumped slightly but quickly recovered and gave the waiter a smile. “Nothing.”
“Oh, come on.” The waiter adjusted his tray of hors d'oeuvres. “You can tell me.”
No, I really couldn’t. He would think I was nuts standing back here, admiring the summer roses and thinking how my life had changed. It was a Freaky Friday scenario, exchanging places with my cousin.
“What are those?” I asked, pointing to his tray.
He shrugged. “Some crap on hard bread.”
I immediately took a dislike to him. He had one job, and it wasn’t to shit all over the food he was hired to serve.
“Well, I’m sure everyone likes them. Why don’t you go pass them out?” It wasn’t a suggestion.
He didn’t take the hint. In fact, my tightened voice seemed to be a challenge.
“Why don’t you tell me if they’re any good?” He stepped forward.
I refused to back up. “I’m good, thanks. But the other guests are waiting.”
“Oh, come on, let me serve you.” He wagged his brows.
My lips flattened. I couldn’t be any clearer, but apparently I needed to be to get him to leave. “Thank you, but I don’t want any. Go serve the others.”
“Nah, I think I’ll stay here. You found a good spot.” With that, he set the tray down on a stone bench.
A jolt made my heart thump double. I did not want to be stuck back here with this man.
But I also didn’t want to go out of the garden and join the others.
“What’s your name, sweetheart?” the waiter asked.
Since he was blocking the path back to the house, I didn’t have much of a choice. Going the other way would lead to the pool and farther away from the throng.
“You need to get back to your work,” I pressed. “I don’t want you getting in trouble.”
