It’s been…a while since she’s mentioned a guy to me. Would I even know if she had a partner? I’m pretty sure she dates on the DL, we just don’t talk about it. Right? Surely she hasn’t been alone for…gosh, what must be two years now? No way.
As much as I try not to think about her, erm, love life, she is a chick at the end of the day. I’ve dated enough of ’em to know they’ve got needs, just as much as men do. A lot of ’em have even more needs than we do. I just don’t ever think ofherneeds.
After hours of deliberation, I’ve come to the conclusion she was still sleeping, and just having a rather graphic dream. That’s the only thing that makes sense.
One thing is for sure. She would never do something as blatant as rub up on my cock and call my name like that, like she was beckoning me to fill her, like she needed me inside her in order to take her next breath. It gives me chills just remembering the desperate quality to her voice. I’ve never dared to imagine that she could make a sound like that, and it threw me for a serious loop.
I mean, yeah, I know she’s kinda had a little crush on me at times over the years. Seeing your best friend become one of America’s sweethearts has to be confusing, especially paired with teenage hormones and those coming-of-age experiences that put all sorts of ideas in our heads, but she’s never wanted to act on that crush before. As far as I can tell, the last crush she had on me ended maybe three years ago, when she started dating some kid she met through a friend at college, Eduardo. She never told me much about the relationship, but I was thankful he took her attention off me, truth be told. The lastthing I’d ever want to do is risk our friendship, or (God forbid) break her heart by turning her down. And I just don’t see her like that.
I guess I should say I neverhadseen her like that. When I woke up this morning, her tight stomach in my hand, her small little ass pressed up against me, my body didn’t even really register who it was before I got a raging boner. By the time I’d put two and two together and realized it was my little Gem and not Kayla I was holding, it was too late. The thoughts were already racing through my head, and my dick had a mind of its own. One head didn’t consult the other, if you know what I mean.
Not gonna lie, it took me a few minutes for my brain to catch up and for me to realize how inappropriate and potentially dangerous our position was. I’ve never been a cheater and don’t plan to become one, but I can honestly say that’s the closest my dick has ever been to someone who wasn’t my girlfriend, a current fling, or a costar while filming an intimate scene. But even then, I’ve got a genital guard on. There wasn’t much stopping me from making a mistake this morning.
Sleepovers used to be pretty common for her and me, but the past few years, I’ve tried to put a little more distance between us in situations like this. I mean, Gem’s still got a dedicated room at my place with a dresser full of clothes so she’d stop borrowing my tees and sweats whenever she would crash over, but she hasn’t had to use them in a while. So how we ended up spooning on my couch, my limbs wrapped around her like they were meant to be there? I have no clue. Last thing I remember was trying to keep my eyes open for just one more episode. Evidently, I failed at that task, and she must’ve, too.
But, wow. I did not expect the reaction my body gave me this morning, and it’s been impossible to get it off my mind. In hair and makeup, I actually got a stiffy remembering how her slimlittle hips felt in my hands, how she didn’t get up when I told her to, grinding against me again instead.Fuck.When she still didn’t move, I was desperate to get her away from me before I did something colossally stupid, and I just shoved.
It wasn’t my smoothest move, but those are usually reserved for getting girlsintomy bed, not throwing them out of it. I just couldn’t let her wake up and realize what was happening and be embarrassed. She definitely woke up when I tossed her to the floor, though. I readjusted myself as fast as I could before she noticed the situation going on in my pants (luckily) andranto the bathroom.
I’m pretty sure I told her I had to piss or some shit. Fuck if I know what came out of my mouth at that point.
I would’ve died if she saw I had a boner. For her. I’ve shared a bed with her regularly since we were twelve, and this has never, ever happened as adults. Not since I was about fourteen, and a stiff breeze got me going. And we definitely didn’t wake upcuddlingin those days, ffs. We both just pretended she didn’t notice my woody back then. I can only hope I have that kind of luck today.
I’m pretty sure I played it off, and she didn’t even notice. I think. She might have started to realize her dream held some elements of reality in there, because she did call my name before I started running away. Or did I just hope for that? I don’t even know, I’ve been so fucked up since my eyes opened this morning.
Away, away, awaywere the only words my brain kept shouting at me once the gravity, the vulnerability of our position, hit me, and I listened. I ran to the bathroom, started the shower, grabbed my clothes for the day, and took a hot, hot shower to try to get my mind off it. Except, I couldn’t kill the boner. And the guilt has just been eating me alive ever since.
Now, on set, plagued with memories of this morning, I unclench my fist—the muscles are getting sore—and run thathand through my hair, trying not to disrupt the stylist’s hard work at getting that careless lookjust right. But, fuck, I really need to let some steam off here.
This morning, I ended up jerking one out in the shower, my mind thoroughly, thoroughly focused on Kayla’s perfect deep pink lips, those thick hips, that round ass that she loves to tease me with—and let’s be real, that I love to be teased by—and it worked…
Right up until just before I came.
Just as my balls tightened, no chance of stopping that release in that moment, a very different ass popped into my mind. One that hadjustbeen pressed up against me. The cause of that very, very unexpected and inappropriate hard-on. Andthatass was all I could see and remember feeling, her breathy call of my name ringing in my ears as my cock squirted jets of thick cum all over the stone wall of the shower.
It was confusing asfuck, and to say I’ve been feeling guilty ever since would be an understatement.
I think I told Gem after that shower that Kayla might be the one? God, I’m an idiot. I mean, things are good between us, but I’m not ready to declare anything like that yet. But this guilt, this feeling that I did something wrong, is eating me alive.
And after that oh-so-awkward breakfast, I may or may not have sent Kayla a bouquet of the most expensive flowers the florist had available.
I even did it myself, no asking my assistant to do it for me, for the first time in my life. The fact that I’m not ready to face said assistant, even via text, may or may not have anything to do with it.
Don’t fucking @ me, okay?
I know what you’re thinking. How’ve you been dating someone for months and the one person who sees inside everyavenue of your life, the one who is by your side for ninety percent of it, had no clue?
It’s because I keep my dating life separate from her, and I have for a few years now, okay? I even ask whatever girl I’m talking to at the moment not to message me unless I message her first, as it’s not me who has my phone two thirds of the day. It’s—you guessed it—Gem.
Again, I’ve been trying for healthy boundaries. We shareeverythingelse with one another. But that’s, just, an area we don’t go into. It’s not like she talks to me about her sex life, either.
Ugh.Shudder.
Poor choice of words. Great. Now I can’t stop picturing her having sex.
Fuck me.
Why?The word is a total wailing groan inside my head. I don’t have a single inappropriate thought about the chick for a dozen years, and now, in one day, it’s like whatever barrier in my brain betweenherand the other girls in my life has broken down, and all the images are morphing and merging.
