“I think you should cut yourself some slack, Sean. Even when you aren’t your sunny, organized self, you are still a great chef, and we had a really good night.”
“We did run out of that salmon right off the bat.”
“True, and that’s only because we have people coming back just to have it. Our salmon’s got its own word of mouth going on at this point. You should be really proud of that.”
Sean felt warmth rising in his chest and up his neck. “Thanks Mable. I appreciate that. Sometimes I get lost in the weeds and don’t stop to savor our successes.”
“Man, it’s all you, boss.”
“Ah, stop Mable, what would I do without you?"
Mable cocked her head thinking. “I’m sure you’d manage. Don’t get too used to me. I only have a year left of grad school, then I’m off to get a real job.”
“That will be a sad day indeed,” he said shaking his head slowly.
“Don’t worry, I’ll help find my replacement. Now tell me what’s going on with Nicole.” Mable crossed her arms and gave Sean a stern look.
“I hate when I forget that you’re a psych major.”
“Actually, one day I’ll be a school psychologist.”
“Tomatoes, toe-mah-toes.”
“What’s the scoop? I thought all was well?”
“I think she ghosted me, and I just need to get over it.”
Sean explained how they had worked together at the fest and how he’d called and messaged, but Nicole hadn’t returned any contact with him.
“What do you think? Is there anything else I can do?”
Mable patted Sean’s arm, “I’m sorry, that really sucks. I mean this is why I like barely date. Who needs the bullshit? I’d ratherfocus on school. Someday when I’ve got my degree and a job with benefits, then maybe I’ll work on finding some true love.”
Sean sighed and rubbed at a spot on the bar with his thumb. “If it were only that easy.”
Mable got up and patted Sean on the shoulder, “Sorry bossman, love stinks.”
Sean shrugged his shoulders, “I guess. You’ve still helped me. I’m gonna stop having hope that there is something I should have done or should have said that would make Nicole call me or text me and tell me she was sorry and then we could live happily ever after. It’s better for me to not have hope, so I can move on and stop thinking about her.”
Mable threw her arms around Sean, “It’ll be okay.”
He gave her a one-armed hug back. “Thanks Mab, go ahead and get out of here. It’s the weekend and I know you are off tomorrow. Enjoy your Friday night.”
“Thanks so much!” Mable bounded out of the dining room and into the kitchen to grab her coat and within seconds, she was out the door.
Sean walked through the restaurant making sure everything was set for tomorrow’s brunch. He put on his jacket and paused at the front door for a moment, looking at Jesse’s Pub to remind himself of the business he’d built in only a few short years. He had so much going for him. His personal life would catch up with him and one day he’d have a partner to share this.
Maybe what he had with Nicole should show him it was worth getting back out there dating again. He headed home, feeling much lighter than he had in days. His nature was to see the good things in others and himself, and for the last few days he’d been in a real funk, not believing in himself and feeling cynical about relationships. In fact, if Nicole came into Jesse’s tomorrow, it wouldn’t bother him at all. He’d be happy to see her as a friend.Yep, that’s what he was going to keep telling himself until it was true.Fake it ‘til you make it Sean!
Chapter Twenty-Six
NICOLE
Nicole sat at her kitchen table and ate the veggie sandwich she had put together. When you have cancer, it’s all about surviving the day, getting through treatment. She thought back about those hard, hard days, and how the nurses had been so helpful, providing tips for avoiding nausea, what lotions to use for radiation, but no one prepared you for life after treatment. She wished she had someone to talk with about intimacy after lumpectomy and radiation. She needed someone to tell her that her body was good enough.
She ate a few potato chips and pondered. Could Sean be that person? She wished she didn’t have any of this to worry about. If only she hadn’t had breast cancer, then she could take off her shirt, or not even bother with a bra or heck, she could sleep naked. Although, if she hadn’t had cancer, she’d be married to Duncan and maybe even had kids with him. She shuddered at the thought. Perhaps that alternative reality would be evenworse than what happened in this one. She might have a child, but he’d probably leave her in that reality for someone else when he had to deal with her postpartum.
She just wanted to have some positive feedback before she let Sean see her topless. It was going to be awkward enough going over to Sean's and baring herself literally and figuratively to him. She needed a trusted someone to see what she had going on and tell her if she looked hideous or not. She couldn’t tell. She’d lost confidence in her body the day she felt that lump.
