I stay in the shower until the water runs cold. Even then, I have a hard time getting out. I get dressed in the first clothes I find and then make my way over to my bed, where I sit against the headboards and pull out my phone and begin a thrilling game of Sudoku. I spend the rest of the day in my room, distracting myself with mind-dulling games. I used to read, but that’s not safe anymore either. I exist in a world of hopelessness, and getting sucked into thinking anything different than that is dangerous. Can other people read books about love and romance and fairy tales where the good guys win, and the bad guys alwayslose?Yes. Can I?No. I won’t allow it. Because when I do, hope wraps itself around me. Hope that I can have those things, but I can’t. Hope is a fickle thing. For some, it’s everything. For others, it’s dangerous. Hope is something I simply cannot ever afford to have. Because in the end, it will kill my soul.
Chapter Eleven
Hunter
A scream jerks me out of a dead sleep, and I shoot up in bed. My wolf’s vision kicks in, and I take everything in by just seconds. It takes me less time than that to realize Sherese is having a nightmare. I can hear her racing heart and uneven breathing from here. I climb out of bed silently and make my way to her room, being careful to stay out of sight. I lean against the wall next to her door.
When she first came to live with me, I spent many an hour outside her door, without her knowing I was here. I didn’t know what to expect from the vampire, and I have the safety of the entire pack on my shoulders. I spent most nights listening to her breathing and thinking. When nothing came of the first few nights, I started killing time on my phone. I read how to treat trauma victims because there is no doubt in my mind that this is exactly what Sherese is. I knew she was dangerous and deadly, but I also knew she was a victim in all this. Because of that reading, I know now that I can’t wake her. So even though it kills me, listening to her screams, I stay in the hallway.
“Mom! Mom!”
The utter devastation in her voice is like a punch to my gut. I squeeze my hands into fists and will myself to stay out here in the hallway. My wolf paces restlessly inside me as we listen to the nightmare playing out in the room behind us. And then her cries ratchet up. “No! No! Please!” And then she screams. I’ve just decided I’ve had enough. I can’t stand here a moment longer, but the scream suddenly dies off and I hear her suck in a strangled breath. I close my eyes and lean my head against thewall.She’s awake.I don’t make any noise to alert her that I’m in the hallway, only a few feet away. I hear moving and know I have to move. I make it back into my bedroom and close the door most of the way. I hear her open her door and stride down the hallway. I listen carefully, and when I hear the front door open and close, I curse and grab my phone before following her. When I get outside, she’s already gone. I strip quickly and shift instantly. I’m hot on her trail a moment later. I give my wolf the lead, and he runs after her. He runs fast, but no matter how fast we run, we can’t catch up. She’s simply too fast. I let him run for a while, but when her scent starts to grow cold, we turn back. I don’t want to miss her when she comes back.
When we get back, I shift and head inside. Minutes later, I’m back outside, fully dressed. I sit on the steps and wait for her to get back. It’s a long time before she gets back. I keep an eye on the time, worrying she won’t get back before sunrise. But just a few minutes before it’s set to rise, I hear her coming. I quickly stand and make my way inside. I head into the kitchen and start making an omelet. I watch the time and will her to get inside before the sun crests the horizon. Right on time, the front door opens. I’m not sure what the relief crashing through my chest means, and I don’t let myself ponder it. She walks right past the kitchen, and I debate saying something. I turn at the last moment. “Are you okay?” She either doesn’t hear me or ignores me and keeps going. I listen as the door to her room closes and the shower kicks on. I keep an ear tuned in her direction as I finish cooking my breakfast and eat. She takes a really long shower, and I know for a fact there’s no way she still has hot water. When the water finally turns off, I listen, wondering if she’ll come out. As the minutes tick past, I realize she’s not coming out. I’m not sure if I’m relieved or disappointed. I put my dishes away and clean up and then head to the basement for my workout.
When I come up later, she still hasn’t come out. I shower and get dressed for the day. I debate knocking on her door before I leave for the day, but decide against it. I know she has her phone, so she can call me if she needs something. I force myself to leave before I do something stupid like knock on her door to talk to her and see if she’s okay. On my walk over to the pack house, I wonder if I put on a fight tonight, if she’ll sit with me like she did last night. Of course, I don’t know if the fight was what triggered her nightmares. I really hope not. As far as I know, she hasn’t had any since she got to my house. Either that, or she’s suffered in silence. That thought does weird things to my chest. It’s not until I look up and see the pack house in view that I realize I’ve thought about the vampire the entire way here. I frown and purposefully push the vampire far from my mind.
The day turns out to be long and frustrating. We’re no closer to figuring out what to do about the vampire threat. Bryce has been in a mood and is impossible to deal with. I know he’s worried about his mate and our pack. Seeing a master vampire on pack lands has made us all edgy. I feel it just as much as anybody else. I don’t understand how he managed to cross our borders without our knowledge. It infuriates me. The entire thing does. The vampires are growing in both power and numbers, and if we don’t do something, we’re going to have another war on our hands.
We finally finish with our last meeting of the day, and Bryce sends everybody out. “Hunter, stay a minute, will you?”
I stay in my chair as everybody else makes their way from the room. “What’s up?”
He turns towards me. “Ava’s pregnant.”
Shock hits me first, and then it all clicks into place. I feel a small smile form. “So that’s why you’ve been acting like a—” He cocks an eyebrow, and I smirk. “That explains a lot. Congratulations.”
He finally smiles. “I’m happy; I really am. I’m just—”
“Worried,” I fill in for him.
He nods. “Don’t tell Sherese.”
“I won’t. We're not exactly the secret-sharing type,” I say wryly.
Bryce chuckles. “Yeah. I just meant that Ava will want to tell her.”
I nod. “I won’t say a word.”
“What’s going on between you and Sherese anyway?”
“Nothing.”
He watches me carefully. “You’re protective of her.” He puts his hands up. “I get it. Believe me. She’s been through hell. I find myself wanting to protect her as well.” I bristle at his words, and he notices. “See. That. Right there.” He leans back in his chair. “You know I am a very happily mated man.”
“I’m assuming you have a point to this, more than just pointing out the extremely obvious,” I say dryly.
“I’m just saying that you know all that, and you still reacted when I said I'm protective of Sherese. See, you did it again.”
“Well, then maybe stop talking about her,” I snap.
His smile fades. “What’s going on?”
“I don’t know.” My words are terse.
“Hunter, we’ve been friends a long time. I, of all people, am not going to give you a hard time if—”
“Stop,” I growl at him. I really don’t want to hear the rest of what he was going to say. “I don’t know,” I repeat.
