Ryan
But I can’t turn away. This is a trainwreck.
“Just checking on my portfolio,” Jesse says, his eyes glued to his phone. “We got some movement in the Asian markets. Nothing I can’t handle. My coin wallet is legit. I didn’t want to put that in my profile, because it attracts the wrong kind of women.”
“Oh, I don’t believe women would be attracted to your money,” I say through gritted teeth. I doubt women are attracted toanythingabout this man.
“Don’t be stupid. Everyone’s attracted to money.” Jesse grabs the champagne bottle out of the ice and refills his glass. He apparently hasn’t noticed that I haven’t even touched mine.
Out of the corner of my eye, I can see Ryan gesticulating wildly. He’s pointing at my phone, mouthing for me to check it. Jesse doesn’t notice, because, of course, he’s back to checking Bitcoin prices.
Ryan
Need some help getting away from Dickface?
Pippa
I’m handling it.
Ryan
And I’m going to hurl if he says legit one more time.
Jesse finishes his second glass of champagne and pulls out the bottle to refill it again. Without even looking at me he says, “This champers is legit. You want a refill?”
My eyes go straight to Ryan, who makes a gagging motion at the bar. I can’t help it—a laugh bubbles up in my throat. I have to slap my hand over my mouth to stop it from coming out. I make an unladylike grunting noise that quickly evolves into a low chortle.
Jesse’s eyes narrow. “Bro, are you laughing at me?”
I try to think of something very serious so I won’t giggle.Famine. Earthquakes. Global warming.
Ryan rolls his eyes back in his head and slumps in his barstool like he’s dead. Now, I can’t hold back the laugh. It bursts out of me like lava from a volcano.
“You’re making fun of me.” Jesse scowls at me. “What’s your problem, huh?”
“The problem is all yours, my friend.” Ryan slaps his hand on Jesse’s shoulder. Apparently, he’s decided to come over to save me, whether I asked for it or not. “Maybe if you spent a littleless time riding crypto waves and a little more time listening to women, you wouldn’t be so shitty at it.”
“Is this your fucking boyfriend?” Jesse demands, slamming his hand on the table.
I shake my head. “No, he’s my stepbrother.”
“Welcome to the family, bro,” Ryan says, grinning. “Can I call you bro, or do you prefer Broseph?”
Jesse throws his cloth napkin on the floor and pushes out of his seat. “You know what? Fuck this. You just lost out on your meal ticket, lady. Champers is on you.”
He stomps away, and I can hear him muttering under his breath, “Legit unbelievable.”
Ryan's eyes meet mine, and we both start laughing so hard, my stomach hurts.
“You shouldn’t have interrupted,” I say as soon as I can catch my breath.
“Couldn’t help myself. That’s the most entertainment I’ve had in weeks. Hey!” Ryan calls back to the bartender. “Put their shit on my tab.”
I reach for my purse. “Oh, you don’t have to do that.”
Ryan ignores me and slides into Jesse’s seat. “That was crazy. Is Bro-Magnon over there really the best you can do?”
My chest gets tight, and heat rises in my cheeks. Because the humiliating answer is yes, I wasn’t able to find anyone better than Jesse. My whole journey into the apps was a flop.
