I don't see him.
Time crawls and goes too fast at the same time.I don't want to step outside the door.What if he's there waiting for me?
When it's time to go get Ira, I put on shoes and a jacket, but I don't walk as I've promisedmyself we'll do from now on.I walk to the car, as fast as I can and still call it walking.The moment I close the door, I lock it.I check all mirrors, but Boris isn't there.
I sigh to myself.
For a couple of months, he could've hurt me if it was what he wanted to do, but he hasn't.He's fed me, looked out for me, and helped me take care of Ira.
Nope.I'm not letting memories change my mind.I can't let him into our lives.
An image of a grinning Boris flashes before my eyes.I shake my head and turn the key in the ignition.
At school, there's the normal hustle and bustle, but Ira is grinning as he climbs into the car.
"How was school?"I force a smile.
He shrugs."Good.We got to work on our animal drawings for a little bit."
"Oh, how's it coming along?"
He scrunches his nose."I'm gonna ask Boris if I can look at his photo."
"Eh...that might not...I don't think we should see Boris anymore."
I can't read the look he's giving me.My eyes bounce between the traffic and him, but he says nothing, and I don't think he's ever looked like he does now.
The drive home is silent.He doesn't utter a single word, and I cast around for something to say, something to get him engaged.
"Do you have any homework?"Right, the Santa letter."How did it go with the Santa letter?"
He shrugs but says nothing.When I park, he unhooks his seatbelt and gets out of the car without looking at me.Fuck.
"Ira."I climb out and follow him to the front door.On the doorstep, there is a basket, and I don't need to lift the towel draped over it to know it contains bread.The scent is enough.I stare at it as if Boris might have hidden a snake underneath the bread rolls.
Ira picks up the basket but doesn't look at me.I want to tell him to put it down, but the scent is intoxicating, and I can't afford to throw away food.
I unlock the door, and we step inside.
Ira carries the basket into the kitchen, and I bring out butter, cheese, and a cucumber."So, the Santa letter?"
"We wrote them."
Okay.I sigh."Ira, I know you're disappointed, but--"
He slides off his chair and walks out of the kitchen.I stare.Never.He's never walked away from me mid-sentence before.
* * * *
Chapter 25
Boris
Have you ever been on the verge of dying?It's where I'm at.The only thing that allows me to cling to life is my need to take care of Simon and Ira.It's been two weeks, and I watch Simon's house, waiting for him to go get Ira.Like I do every day.
It's been the worst two weeks of my life, but at least, as long as I live here, I can watch him.
I can make sure he's safe, that Ira is safe.
