“Whatisgoing on with you, Ralph? You mentioned something about sabotaging relationships before they even happen. Is that what you were doing tonight, with me?”
“No,” Ralph said abruptly, but with uncertainty. “I didn’t know you were single, remember? No. I like you, Bo. I like this.”
“Good. Me too.”
Ralph sighed. “Shirley was teasing me about my dating younger men. And she’s right, I do sometimes dip my toe in the shallow end. It’s easier when at least one of you isn’t thinking about retirement. You get me?”
Bo laughed. “Yeah. A little livelier in the bedroom too, I imagine.”
“Well, there are perks. But when I got to Hunan Manor I’d been ruminating about what Shirl had said. I had it on the back-burner. I realized that my attraction to youth was only a piece of the problem.”
“How so?”
Ralph took a long pull from his beer and then set it down on the floor. He turned so he was facing Bo more than the fire. “I think I’m turned on by men ultimately out-of-reach to me.”
“That could be a commitment issue,” said Bo.
“Yeah.” Ralph nodded. “Could be. I don’t think so, though. I mean, that’s the whole reason I started diving deeper... because Iwantto be in a relationship.”
“So itisself-sabotage.”
“Now, who’s getting all Freud?”
“You said it, not me.”
“Anyway,” Ralph continued. “The youthful types I’m attracted to are usually of a bohemian sort, you know, free-spirited, artsy, not looking for ties, experimental.”
“Like Dale.”
“I don’t know. Was he that way?”
“Well, he wasn’t that much younger than me, but hewaswilling to open up our partnership to others.”
“Yeah,” Ralph said. “I see what you mean. So, there’s that. Then there was this couple I knew—David and George. I had a thing for George foryearseven though I knew he was married.”
“OK. That’s a little bit of a pattern there.”
“And when I was young, I used to pine for straight guys.”
“We all did, Ralph.”
“Yeah, but I might have been a little more obsessive.”
“You werein your headbecause you were closeted. Once you came out, that stopped, right?”
“Yeah, I guess.” Ralph smiled. “Except maybe with porn. I still like ‘em butch, like you.”
Bo rolled his eyes. “Whatever. You’re mixing physical with emotional.”
“You’re pretty smart for a contractor.”
“I like to think I’m smartbecauseI’m a contractor. I went to school too, Ralph. English. But there’s a lot less stress working with your hands instead of your brain.”
“How do I not know this about you?”
“Because we’ve never conversed like this. It’s always been business only.”
“I like it. This. Which brings me to another example of self-sabotage.”
