Jiith had fallen a few hours ago and Tovis carried him for a few miles until he recovered enough to limp along on his own.We stopped for a snack and water but this time the syto didn’t magically recover like he had before.
“How much farther?”I asked quietly, watching as Jiith shivered and panted from his sprawl on the ground.We couldn’t rest long, staying ahead of the sytos was more important than our aching feet and worn out bodies, but I was seriously worried about Jiith.
“A few hours,” Tovis said, wrapping his arm around my shoulders.I’d released Sal from the makeshift baby carrier so he could take a potty break and the tiny percer was shuffling playfully around Jiith’s boots, pouncing and falling over while he tried to figure out his legs.
“He doesn’t look good,” I said quietly, hoping the syto couldn’t hear me.From the looks of his blank, glassy stare, all his energy was being used just to stay conscious, not eavesdrop.
“He may not recover,” Tovis agreed.“His ribs are broken, and he’s not used to traveling.Even if he makes it to camp...”
“It might not matter,” I guessed, feeling sick to my stomach at the idea that we’d dragged a mortally injured male for miles in the hot sun, possibly just making his last days more painful.
“I won’t leave him,” Tovis said.
“We’re not killing him,” I whispered harshly.“I know it's awful and selfish to put him through this, but he still has a chance.”
Tovis pulled my face to his chest and rubbed my sunburned arm.“You’re a good female, Jessa.”
I sighed, so tired I could cry at the knowledge we needed to get up and walk soon.
“You’re just saying that because I’m the only single female you know,” I muttered.He chuckled, even his laugh sounding tired and I pressed my cheek against him and savored the rumbling vibrations.I was pretty confident he liked me, but I was also certain he would have pursued any woman he met.
Any port in a storm and all that.Currently, he was the only reason I hadn’t given up completely, so I was trying not to let the idea trouble me.
“Does it bother you?”I wondered.“That you have to be with a human or be alone?”
“What do you mean?”
I shrugged, wishing I'd kept my mouth shut.Now was not the time to be asking deep questions.I’d been hesitant when he’d declared I was his mate, we weren’t even the same species after all.But Tovis had never acted like it mattered.
Did he have the same thoughts, that the chance to be with a female of his own kind wasn’t an option, so he’d make do with what he found?
“I’m not a turoch,” I said.“I don’t look like your people, I don’t know your culture.You say I’m your mate, but that's just because I’m the only female available.”
He was quiet for a moment, his fingers stroking idle circles on my bare arm.
“Do you think I’d have claimed a cruel female like the Kwin?”he asked.“That if she was the only option I’d make do with her cold heart and accept all the suffering she’s caused?Simply to have another body in my bed?”
I closed my eyes, hating I’d made him sound so pathetic.
“No, I don’t think that,” I admitted.“But there’s a spectrum.Isn’t there?Levels between someone you’d want if you had all the choice in the world, someone you’d settle for, and someone you’d never ever accept?”
“I’m not settling for you,” he said firmly, his hand slid off my arm and I mourned the loss of contact.“Do not settle for me.When we find the camp, there will be many unmated males, if you find one you want more than me, I will renounce my ulto.”
My heart sank.I’d hurt his feelings.He’d come after me when I was taken, gotten captured, tortured for me, carried me when I couldn’t walk, held me when I was overwhelmed and I’d essentially told him I was only considering being with him because there wasn’t a ‘better option’.
“That’s not what I meant,” I said, looking up at him.“I’m sorry I said it that way.”
Tovis’ normally smiling face was blank and closed off and I wished I could take back the last few minutes.I’d taken his good nature for granted and assumed that because he kept positive, he didn’t feel things too deeply.Clearly, a major error on my part.
“I want a mate,” he said.“I want a female of my own, to care for and talk to, and build a life with.But I don’t want justanyfemale.”
He stood up before I could say anything and gathered up our supplies, caught Sal and handed him to me.
“We need to keep moving,” he said, brusquely.Jiith struggled up to his knees and stalled out, breathing hard and Tovis leaned down and scooped the other male up.Slinging him over his shoulder like he weighed nothing, before turning to me.
I scrambled up, cradling Sal to my chest.It looked like we weren’t finishing this conversation until we were safe.Probably for the best, I needed to get my thoughts straightened out before I said something I really couldn’t take back.
*
