Her face lights up with the most breathtaking smile, and the earth stops moving. Her eyes glimmer brighter than the sun, so beautiful and painful to look at all at once.
“You’re serious? All this if I stop flirting?” She twirls around once more, gesturing to the grandeur of the room. To the crow’s nest above that’s the perfect alcove complete with comfortable furniture and a fireplace.
“Yes.”
“That’s a hard bargain. I love flirting with you. It drives you wild.” She laughs, a sweet sort of melody that tickles off the highest beam. “Fine. I promise. Just don’t look behind my back. I may or may not be crossing my fingers.”
Shit. I laugh. No stopping it. “I won’t look.”
“But my ass is there, and I think you do like to look.”
I raise an eyebrow, and she throws her hands up. “Fine. Sorry. No more flirting. You know, you’re much more approachable out of your suit. Not such a beast king after all.”
I cross the room until I’m standing before her, and suddenly my hand is in her hair. Her words provoked me into unconscious action. My body, angry and primal, desperate to show her just how much of a beast I can be.
“I wouldn’t be so sure about that,” I tell her, my voice rough and low.
My gaze bounces down to her lips, and I hold it there, trying to force myself not to act impulsively again. But she’s not pushing me away, and there is no fear in her eyes. Only desire, and I can’t…I want…but I can’t. I am a father of children who need her. I am the king of a country that needs me. There is no room for anything else, and this woman would be messy.
I turn and walk out of the library, leaving her alone. My control with her is already slipping. And that’s what scares me the most. How much longer will I be able to hold on?
11
BELLAMY
Hard truth? Some days I feel like I’m rocking the shit out of this gig, and other days I feel like that bust-breaking woman who has no clue what the fuck she’s doing. This morning, I was the latter. Sabrina went MIA on me while I was putting Zayer down for his nap, and I had to search the palace for half an hour until I found her running back to the playroom, where she was supposed to be all along. Girl told me she had gone for a snack. Not so sure I believe her.
But right now, I’m awesome at this job. I’m determined to be.
I’ve been here for a month. One solid month of nannying three children. I feel like I should have a better grasp on this job and these children than I do. To all the misogynistic hating-ass motherfuckers who don’t call parenting the hardest most full-time gig out there, go fuck yourselves.
It’s no joke. Some days I’m too exhausted to change out of my clothes. Some days I just want to roll up into a ball and cry or drink a vat of wine. Adulting is painfully, brutally impossible sometimes, and I don’t have anyone here I can go out with orblow off steam with or even commiserate with. I’m in the palace twenty-four seven, always on, always working.
I’m trying to be perfect so their jerk of a father who openly hates me and ignores me in the same breath doesn’t fire me. All I want is to help make these children into upstanding, happy, one-day adults.
Today, my high is mixed.
“Jump,” I call up to Phaedra. “You can do it. I’ll catch you. I promise.”
“I can’t,” she cries, hunched over, shivering slightly, arms wrapped around her wet body.
“You can. You are Queen Phaedra. Show them all you’re fearless.”
“But I’m not,” she whimpers, staring down at me from the high diving board as I tread water in the deep end of the massive swimming pool behind the palace. It’s supposedly the last warm day of the season, with a storm coming in tonight that’s bringing a cold front with it, and since the grounds crew is closing the pool in twenty minutes, we’re taking advantage now.
“Phaedra, no one is,” I tell her, running my hands back over my face and hair to push the excess water from my eyes so I can see her better. “Everyone is afraid. But it is our ability to face that fear and overcome it and show it who’s boss that makes us or breaks us. You can be afraid, but you can never let that fear win.”
“What if I drown?”
“I swear to you, I willneverlet that happen.”
“But I’ll sink.”
“And then you will swim, and I will be here the entire time to help if you need me.” I hold my hands up in the air and twirl around once in the water.
“You promise?”
“I swear it.”
