Her green eyes quiver, and she slams them shut and then leaps. Her body flails for a half-second before she straightens out, and another half-second later, she plummets into the water. My searching eyes snap to the clear blue water, locating her instantly.
I’m ready to dive down and help her if needed, but kickass girl that she is, she doesn’t need me.
She emerges, breaking the surface with a delighted squeal I have no doubt they can hear for miles. “I did it! I did it!” Her arms wrap around me like a monkey’s, and she hugs me against her.
“You did! That was awesome! I’m so proud of you!” And I am. Kiddo has been having a rough time with school. First of all, she’s the only kid at this “school”. She has a teacher she doesn’t like, and today that teacher berated her a bit over a test Phaedra didn’t get a perfect score on. Phaedra came home crying to me about it. I was ready to get in the car with Javier and go find the bitch, but I managed to hold myself back.
Just barely.
So this feels like an extra big win for her.
“Fantastic!” Althea calls out, clapping her hands. She’s been playing with Zayer and Sabrina on the edge of the grass by the pool since they got out before us. Sabrina is jumping up and down—the girl doesn’t stop—and cheering for her sister. I wave at them, giving them a thumbs-up behind Phaedra’s back.
“Thank you for helping me,” Phaedra says against me. “I love you.”
Oh shit. I totally start to choke up.
I squeeze her tighter. “I love you, too.” Maybe I’m not supposed to say that? There might be nanny rules that tell you not to fall in love with the kids you care for, or if you do, to keep that to yourself.
It’s impossible.
Being with these children has filled my heart in ways Inever knew possible. They give me purpose and have made me a better, stronger person. Even on the days when it’s hard. Even on the days when I want to cry and drink and just not have to do so many things all at once for everyone other than myself.
I don’t feel so lost or alone when I’m here with them. Whether it’s cooking or baking with them in the kitchen and watching a movie on Friday nights or simply playing games, I’ve never been happier in my life. Their father is another matter, and the reasons I’m here should be more troubling to me than they are, but it’s tough not to feel like I’m part of something instead of on the outside of it as I’ve always been.
“All right, let’s get out of the pool so they can close it up. I’m getting cold.”
“Me too.”
We swim to the edge and rush for our towels. In the half an hour we’ve been in the water, the temperature has plummeted. Althea stands, holding Zayer’s and Sabrina’s hands. They’re already wrapped up in their towels and mostly dry.
“That was brilliant, Phaedra,” Althea exclaims, bending down to kiss the top of her wet head. “Wait till we tell your papa what you just did.”
That’s another thing that’s been special about being here. Althea. Obviously, she’s much older than I am, but between morning yoga and her helping me manage the kids—and the king for that matter—we’ve formed a fast friendship.
“Hot chocolate?” I ask, and Althea gives me a wry shake of her head. “What? I like sweets.”
“Oh. Is that the only reason you suggested that when you know certain people don’t love the children having so many sweets?”
No. Not fully. I mean, I do like sweets, and I know the children enjoy them. But, yes, half the time I do things, I’m hoping to get a reaction from Sebastian. Any reaction. Althea is clearly on to me because I’ve complained to her about how difficult itcan be to work for him. The king and I had what I thought was a moment when he took me into the library and told me it could be mine, but since then…nothing. A solid month of hardly more than one-word responses, and always with a scowl or frown.
The man really does hate me.
If he weren’t so tender with his children and the king of a country, I’d strangle him out of frustration. I’m trying to hate him back, but it’s tough because it’s just not who I am.
“In this case, I agree,” she says. “Hot chocolate to celebrate Phaedra going off the high board, but only a small cup since supper is in an hour and a half.”
“Deal. Let’s go get dried off and changed and then have some celebratory hot chocolate.”
Just as we make it inside, the wind starts to kick up along with some rain, and by the time we finish our Friday-night treat of pumpkin-spiced madeleines and our movie—this week it’sMary Poppinsand no, I didn’t pick it out, it’s just a coincidence—the storm is really howling outside the palace walls. Sebastian carries Zayer up to bed to tuck him in, and once that’s done, he does the same with the girls.
“Good night, Your Majesty,” I say, lingering in the hall because I know it annoys him.
A grunt. That’s it.
He doesn’t even yell at me anymore, which I’d gladly take over this…indifference.
It’s dangerous. I know it is. And I know myself enough to appreciate that part of me seeks his attention like a schoolgirl with a crush. Because that’s likely what this is. A crush. Which is seriously fucked up if you think about it because the man is not nice to me, and he blackmailed me with my father’s freedom to be here. Other than the fact that he’s otherworldly gorgeous and softens like ice cream in the summer sun for his children, there isn’t much to like about him.
