He leads me into the kitchen and pulls out one of the stools for me to sit where I’ve made two plates.
Caprese sandwiches sit on the counter. I’d been afraid to toast them in the oven, so I left them cold, but the balsamic oil has likely ruined the bread.
Ryker looks at them and winks. “Nice.”
I wrinkle my nose, but don’t answer.
“Should I toss them in the oven and crisp them up?” he asks.
“Good idea, I’ll watch,” I answer, sliding back off the stool.
He sets the stove to broil. “This is the hottest setting and it’s the top heating coil only. It’ll crisp up the sandwiches in two to three minutes, but it starts burning quick, so you have to keep an eye on the food.”
Rules, I like.
I watch him pull the sandwiches apart, put them on a tray and slide them in the oven. I watch through the glass as the mozzarella begins to bubble, and the bread turns brown. “Now,” I say, standing up.
He grabs some cooking mitts and pulls the tray out. Reassembling the sandwiches, he puts them back on the plates. As he works, he gives me a sidelong glance. “I wanted to ask you…”
My stomach clenches. “Yeah?”
“That thing you said to Dimitri today, about protecting Anna first. What made you say that?”
My eyes widen. Of all the things I thought he might ask, that wasn’t even in the top ten.
“Dimitri left when I was young,” I say with a shrug. “And Katarina and I never connected. We tried but…” I slide back into the seat, collecting my thoughts. “My father didn’t do a thing that wasn’t self-serving. I have no idea how Dimitri feels about me. But when he holds Anna, I see what love could be.” I take a bite of my sandwich even as Ryker sits in the seat next to me, grabbing his sandwich too.
“I’m with you so far.”
I swallow my bite just as he takes his. “The point is, Anna has a chance at a life none of us have had, a chance for a loving family, and that should be protected,” I start to take another bite, but I stop, setting the sandwich down. “I’d give my life for something that worthy.”
“Sasha,” he says and then swallows, looking pained.
I shake my head. “In my whole life, I’m not sure anyone has ever loved me.”
“That’s not true—” He starts, but I hold up my hand.
“I know I’m insecure, but I’m not asking for your sympathy. I’m trying to explain. Looking at Anna, it occurred to me thatif I give more love, more to Katarina, more to Anna, more to Dimitri, maybe they’d love me in return. But if nobody changes then…” I look away then, feeling raw and exposed.
He reaches for my hand, lacing his fingers through mine. “Shit, Sasha. That’s really beautiful.”
“I’ve wanted a different life for a long time, and I think I thought I’d be happier if I was free from emotional entanglement. But I think…” I lift one shoulder. “That actually, what I need to do is love the people around me more and hope they’ll love me in return.”
“What if they don’t?” he asks. I turn back to him, his eyes swirling with an emotion that I’ve never seen before.
They’re light, and bright, and wide open. I slip off the stool, and with him sitting at counter height, we’re almost level. I lean in and kiss him. “I don’t know. Maybe it will break me. But I’m not sure what I was doing before was working either.”
He slides a hand up my back, cradling my skull as he kisses me again.
I have this moment where I realize the feeling of drowning I feel around him isn’t death at all.
It’s love.
I’m in love with him.
He kisses me again and then again, before he withdraws. “You need to eat, love.”
Love? It didn’t have its usual British ring to it. The word makes me break out in goosepimples and I back away, feeling exposed. “New nickname? Are they ever evolving?”
