“I think we need to talk.”
ELEVEN
CADEN
After spending all that time telling my best friend to get off his ass and get his girl, when it was my turn, I froze like a deer in the headlights.
I’d barely said a word to Sabrina since her niece’s wedding, and when all this had happened, it was too much to process.
I should have called her and I’d wanted to, but I almost didn’t know how to be around Sabrina anymore. For most of high school, I just thought she was a friend and a girl I liked to fool around with, until she slowly became a lot more.
Now, I’d fallen for her all over again, and I still couldn’t handle my feelings.
So, I took the chickenshit way out once again and avoided her.
Because as much as I wanted Sabrina to be mine, she wouldn’t be. How long could I torture myself?
I’d told Sabrina to follow me home, where I could try to eat and we could talk. I felt badly telling her to come to my apartment instead of hers, but the week had exhausted me. I didn’t know how long I’d be able to stay awake enough to drive home.
Sabrina was already waiting by the door when I pulled up to the curb.
“Did you speed here?” I laughed as I ambled up the walkway to my first-floor apartment.
“No. Just anxious to get here, that’s all.” She stood back, crossing her arms over her torso.
I nodded and unlocked my door, pushing it open for her to step inside.
“Listen, I know I should have called you. It’s been a lot and?—”
“It’s been weird. You can say it.”
She snatched the bag of food out of my hand.
“I want to see you eat first, and then we can talk. It’s probably cold. Do you want me to heat it up?”
“No,” I said, sliding the handle of the plastic bag out of her hand. “Come sit on the couch. I can eat on the coffee table.”
My kitchen table was full of mail and work and everything else I didn’t want to deal with.
“I want to apologize,” Sabrina said the second she sat next to me on my couch.
I set the burger I was about to unwrap down on the table.
“Apologize? Listen, that night?—”
“Was amazing. And I shouldn’t have cheapened it by implying it was one of our no-strings hookups from when we were young. I left that hotel room with a lot of…feelings. Feelings I should have dealt with better. I’m not apologizing for anything that happened between us. Because I have zero regrets over being with you that night.”
“Neither do I,” I managed to whisper.
“You mean a lot to me.” She grabbed my hand as a sheepish smile curved her lips. “You always did.”
“So did you,” I said around the lump scratching the back of my throat.
She had no idea how much she’d always meant to me, but I still couldn’t say it.
“My divorce fucked me up, as you know.” She sat back, wringing her hands. “I never wanted to love someone enough to hurt me or humiliate me ever again, so I figured single life was where I’d live, you know. No attachments, no regrets, just like the old days.”
I nodded, despite the roll of nausea at the memory of the last time she’d said that phrase.
