“How about…” he said, rolling back on top of me. “I’ll take care of this—” he flicked his eyes down to his waist “—and we’ll talk. Maybe you could even stay the night, and this time when I wake up, I’ll remember that you were here.” The hopeful glint in his eyes made my nose burn. “And tell me, was I agood boy?”
“Two orgasms in a little over an hour. I’d say that makes you averygood boy.”
He peered down at me with a wicked grin.
“I’ll be right back.” He kissed the tip of my nose and headed into the bathroom. “Don’t go anywhere.”
I let my head sink into the pillow as I stared at the ceiling. Life had a funny way of playing out. I’d never wanted to go anywhere. Once upon a time, I would have happily given up everything to stay by Jesse’s side, but I wasn’t sure how I felt about being back.
I sat up, gathering the sheets around my torso as I swept my gaze over the trail of clothes on the floor. I’d come here to yell at him for his audacity tonight and the whiplash he’d given me since his drunken confessions last week, but I was no better. I’d let him kiss me in the parking lot and then allowed him to do everything else to me once I strode through his door.
I had no willpower when it came to Jesse, and as right as it felt to be in his arms again, it was terrifying.
I brought my knees into my chest and took slow breaths in and out.
“Hey, what’s wrong?”
I didn’t turn around when the bed dipped behind me or when Jesse pulled my back to his front.
“Nothing. I’m fine.”
“You don’t seem fine. I think you’re shaking a little. Talk to me.”
I turned my head to his worried gaze and squared my shoulders.
“I’m a little overwhelmed right now. Between tonight and the past weekend?—”
“I know.” He sifted his fingers through my tangled hair. “I can swear to you that I didn’t plan on any of it either. Well, other than trying to stop your date tonight. I fully intended to do that.”
A laugh slipped out of me as he kissed the top of my head.
“I think I need a break.”
Jesse flinched as his entire body went rigid.
“A break? What do you mean?” He scooted around me until we were eye to eye.
“I’m so sorry for all the mixed signals I’m giving you right now.” I draped a hand over my eyes, avoiding the hurt and panic in Jesse’s dark gaze so I could say what I had to. “I don’t regret the parking lot, or—” I jerked my chin to where my jeans were splayed on the carpet “—or even kissing you the night I took you home. I loved all of it, but we need to pump the brakes a little.”
“Pump the brakes?” he repeated slowly, scrubbing a hand down his face. “I really fucked things up when we were kids, didn’t I?”
“It’s not even that. Believe it or not, I understand how it feels to be so scared to lose something so important to you that all you want to do is run. Because that inclination is pretty damn strong for me right now.”
“I don’t want you to run.” Jesse’s eyes were wide as his nostrils flared. “Emily, I lov?—”
I pressed my finger to his lips. “I know you do. It’s not about convincing me. You have a full plate, and I have a lot of baggage—and not only from that night. I’m not saying stop. I’m saying”—I tilted my head to the side—“ease up a little.”
I tried for an easy smile.
“I am going to go home. I’ll take a rain check on another sleepover.” He nuzzled his cheek against my palm as I skated my thumb back and forth along the scruff on his jaw.
I swung my legs over the side of the bed, so damn tempted to take back all I’d said and spend the rest of the night naked in his arms.
I slid on my panties and jeans, careful not to turn around as Jesse rustled behind me. If I got one more look at his handsome and crestfallen face, I wouldn’t leave.
And I had to.
I grabbed my blouse from where I’d left it in Jesse’s bathroom and slipped it on before heading downstairs.
