He smirked and bobbed his head. “She said you and one of the parents on the team had a history that she wasn’t sure was current or not. I think I know which one since he always looks like he wants to take a swing at me when I ref a game.”
A chuckle fell from my lips. “Jesse is my high school boyfriend. We recently reconnected when he signed his niece up for the league.”
“His niece? I thought he was one of the dads.”
“He is. It’s complicated.”
As was every other damn thing when it came to Jesse.
Small talk wasn’t bad. Alex was confident but maybe not as full of himself as I’d assumed. He was funny and even a little charming. I caught myself staring at him between bites of my shrimp scampi. How much easier would my life be if I were into this guy instead of the one who’d been waiting for me in the parking lot earlier tonight?
Jesse seemed sincere, but being sincere and putting the action to the words were two very different things. The bestthing for me would be just to move on, with Alex or someone else.
But I knew I wouldn’t. Maybe I could’ve pushed myself to go through the motions with someone else like I’d done for the past couple of hours, but my heart? That wouldn’t budge.
I had been stuck on the same person for more years than I’d wanted to acknowledge, and that kind of helplessness pissed me off.
“I’ll let you know if I can find someone to take a look at your book.” My pulse raced as Alex walked me to my car. Not because I wanted him to kiss me, but I wasn’t sure how to react if he did.
Plus, it’d been a lot of years since I’d kissed two guys in one night, at least without copious amounts of alcohol in my system.
“No rush. It’s probably a dumb premise anyway.”
“The Yankees arenevera dumb premise.” I smiled as I leaned against my driver’s side door. “Thanks for dinner.”
Alex leaned in, and I froze, fighting the urge to draw back from what I knew was coming. I expected his lips to land on mine, but they shifted at the last minute as he brushed them against my cheek.
“This was nice.” He stuffed his hands into his pockets. “I’d be open to doing this again, but…” He trailed off and shrugged.
“But what?”
He chuckled and shook his head. “I hope Jesse knows what a lucky guy he is. Drive safe.”
I smiled, not having it in me to voice a denial that would sound hollow even to my own ears. After I opened the car door and locked it, I dropped my head to the steering wheel.
Hadn’t I wanted this at one time? Jesse had come back into my life and told me he wanted me again, as I’d always dreamed he would. I’d wished for it even though I’d known it would never happen. So I’d grown up and moved on, making myself the priority in my life so I’d never be in that awful position again.
Yet, somehow, I was here anyway. The only difference was that this time, I had a choice.
But when it came to Jesse, it wasn’t so easy to choose me.
17
JESSE
I’d driven straight home,fighting the urge to do ninety in case—or in hopes—Emily would meet me there. The silence as I sat on my couch almost had me climbing the walls. One of Maddie’s shows was always on the TV along with the dinging from whatever game she was playing, so a quiet house was rare and, right now, maddening.
I’d made so many mistakes when it came to Emily. I could almost forgive myself for how I’d let her go in high school, but when I’d found her again, I should have had the balls to admit to the feelings that were too deep to ever go away.
Life had a funny way of coming full circle. I’d thrown her out of my life when I was eighteen, not allowing her to have a say or even a word. Now, I’d laid it all on the line and left it up to her, and the thought of losing her again and for good this time made me want to jump out of my skin.
I deserved the suffering but was selfish enough to keep fighting for her all the same.
I checked my phone for the millionth time and found a blank screen. It’d been almost three hours since I’d kissed Emily in the restaurant parking lot and had asked her to come to me later.Did she go in and have dinner with that guy? Did she go straight home after, or did he take her somewhere?
If I was going to get her back, I needed to work on her time, even if it killed me—or ate away at my insides as it was, and it had only been a few hours.
I flung my phone on the table and headed to the kitchen. I couldn’t lose her again, but with every minute that ticked by without a word or even a fuck-off, I was terrified I’d been too late.
