“I can make it. I don’t want to mess up the new couch,” he said, pulling me toward the living room. “I bought that couch for my niece because she likes purple,” he said, both of us wobbling as he took me over to the couch and plopped down on one ofthe cushions. “This is her favorite cushion. I bought her a desk, but she likes to do her homework here if I sit there.” His whole body swayed as he pointed his finger toward the other end of the couch. “She loves me.”
“Of course she loves you. You take good care of her.” I cupped his chin and gently shifted his face until his gaze slid to mine. “It’s a great couch. Are you sure you don’t want to stay here?”
“No. I need to sleep it off.” He pressed his hands to the cushion and stood, swaying again but not enough to lose his footing. Maybe he was sobering up a little? His eyes were still glossy and vacant but seemed a touch more alert when they met mine. “You can go now if you want.”
“It’s fine. I said I wouldn’t go until you were settled in bed.” I slid my arm through the crook of his elbow and led him to the staircase. “I’ll move toward the wall so you can hold on to the banister, but go slow, okay?”
He nodded as we took each step one at a time at a cautious pace until we made it to the second floor. I stepped in front of Jesse when we were far enough away from the steps not to fear him falling back, and I pulled him by the hand toward his bedroom. I peeked into Maddie’s room, purple-themed down to the curtains, bedspread, and desk chair.
He’d really done all he could to make this a home for her, even if it may’ve broken his heart to do it.
I gave him a gentle push toward the bed, his hazy gaze now focused on the carpet after he dropped onto the edge. I rummaged through his drawers and found a T-shirt and boxers, looking over my shoulder as I tossed them onto the bed.
“Change. I’ll get you a glass of water and some ibuprofen before you doze off…”
Something caught my eye as I pushed his drawer closed. It was the edge of a newspaper clipping along the back panel, faded enough at the edges not to be anything current.
When I looked closer, I recognized the St. Kate’s masthead at the top of the article. The school sent newsletters by mail to solicit donations, and Sabrina and I would get a kick out of the updates we’d find on classmates and students who’d attended St. Kate’s with us but in other grades.
My heart seized when I saw a grayed-out photo of me. They’d made us take pictures for the college website and social media page when I’d started college. We were told to hold a soccer ball and glare at the camera like “We are about to kick some ass.” I guessed St. Kate’s had lifted it from there to publish, and my mother and I had missed this issue.
How long had he had this? He’d only just moved in to this condo a few months ago. Did he always keep it in his dresser drawer? I hadn’t asked, but there had to have been women in his life over the years.
He’d been flirty to the edge of inappropriate since I’d found him, but he wasn’t the first man I knew to get handsy when he was drunk. The liquor and unresolved grief had made him act like this, but keeping this photo meant something different. Something a lot more.
I was about to press it back where I’d found it before Jesse noticed I was lingering by his dresser, but he was free and easy with the truth tonight. Instead of staying up all night deciphering what this could mean, why not just ask?
“Didn’t look me up, huh? What’s this?—”
Jesse stood, his boxers pulled up to his waist with the band twisted, and no shirt on. My eyes roamed his body, the smattering of chest hair now darker across his chest and the smooth grooves of muscle. I pinched the photo in between my fingers, almost tearing it as I couldn’t stop staring.
“My mother had that. They used to send that stupid newsletter to their house, and she cut out the picture and saved it. She gave it to me to show Maddie.”
“But you kept it?” I asked as I examined his face.
“I did. I wanted to show Maddie. Maybe I will. But you still looked like my girl in that picture. I didn’t want to share it yet.” He yawned, falling back onto the bed with a squeaky bounce.
My eyes stung as I slipped into his bathroom, filling up a cup with water and grabbing the ibuprofen from the medicine cabinet.
Everything I’d learned about Jesse tonight wasn’t for me to know, but I couldn’t forget it. He might not have kept it for twenty years, but it was precious enough to him not to share.
I had a lot to figure out, but I needed to make sure Jesse was in bed and out cold before I headed home for what was probably going to be a long, sleepless night.
“Take this, and I’ll go?—”
I froze at his doorway, the plastic cup crinkling in my hand as Jesse’s gaze met mine, his eyes still half closed as he sprawled out on his bed, drifting his hand back and forth over the bulge in his shorts with a sleepy smile.
“Come help me, Em. Touch me.”
Jesus Christ.
“Take this,” I clipped, crooking my finger for him to sit up. I handed him the cup and held out my hand for him to take the ibuprofen from my palm. “Take this and lie down.”
“Yes, ma’am,” he said, low and husky, as he shoved the pills into his mouth and tipped back the cup.
“Was I a good boy?” He jutted his lip in a pout.
“Yes. Now go to sleep.”
