They’d never had that naturally combative relationship that my other friends with siblings closer in age had because he’d looked out for her like a parent rather than a brother most of the time. Despite how they’d squabble when she’d knock on his bedroom door at all the wrong moments when I was there, he could never hide how much he loved having her around.
I still couldn’t imagine the pain he and his parents had gone through when they’d lost her.
I’d noticed after a quick scan of my team’s roster that Maddie’s last name was Evans. I’d taken that to mean her biological father wasn’t in the picture, and that Tessa had been a single mother. Even though we’d lived with my grandparents, my own single mother was my entire world, and imagining what it would have been like to grow up without her was so unfathomable, I couldn’t even think of it in hypothetical terms.
My heart broke—for Maddie, for Jesse and his parents, and for Tessa, who’d died so young and would miss out on most of her daughter’s life.
“It’s both strange and great to be back on a field.” I tried for an easy smile, but the effort to push it across my lips was taxing.
When Penny laughed, I was hopeful that I might’ve been convincing.
“Listen, I’m sorry if I put you on the spot with Jesse’s niece. He’d asked if she could be on the same team as Jeffrey, and since I’d already put him with you and I was still adding players to your team, I thought it made the most sense. But I should have pulled you aside and asked you first.”
“You didn’t put me on the spot. It’s fine, really.” I looped my bag strap over my shoulder. “We’re all adults, and like I told you, Jesse and I hashed everything out, so there’s no bad blood between us. I can absolutely handle it, so please don’t worry.”
“Okay, good. What a shame, right?” Penny clicked her tongue against her teeth and shook her head. “He didn’t go into it, but it feels like there’s a tragic story there. Wasn’t his sister young?”
“She was,” I said, clearing my throat around the lump I hadn’t been able to swallow away for most of the afternoon.
In my mind, Tessa was exactly as I’d left her, about eight years old—her daughter’s age.
When Maddie spoke, I couldn’t get over how much she both looked and sounded like her mother. It was a double gut punch to both find out she was gone and to meet this eerily accurate replica of her.
Where was all this grief coming from?
When I’d run into Jesse at the reunion, because we hadn’t seen each other for so long, the events of the past had been fresh and raw. I was taking the news of Tessa’s passing as if it had just happened after the last time we’d played with her Barbies—the week before Jesse and I had broken up.
The sympathy or empathy or whatever I was feeling for the Evans family overwhelmed me, settling into my chest, and had made it hard to take in a full breath since I’d watched them leavethe field. Jesse had kept hold of Maddie’s hand as he’d led her outside, the silhouette of them reminding me so much of him and his sister I had almost sobbed.
“You should have everything,” Penny said, motioning to my bag. “A list of cell phone numbers and emails for the parents and a list of rules from the league, which are pretty self-explanatory and haven’t changed much since we were kids—other than the social media stuff.” She bumped my shoulder with hers. “I’m glad I convinced you to sign on this year. It’s like old times.”
“I’m glad you twisted my arm too. Thanks for asking me.” I tapped her arm and headed to the parking lot, where I could obsess over Jesse and his family in private on the drive back to my apartment.
While what had happened to Tessa was none of my business, I needed to know. I wanted to help, even if I didn’t have a clue where to begin.
I sorted out all the coaching materials and tacked up the list of parent cell phone numbers to my kitchen whiteboard, my eyes lingering on Jesse’s name and number.
Was contacting Jesse the right or even appropriate thing to do? I wasn’t sure, but right or wrong, I wouldn’t be able to sit still tonight until I reached out.
I pulled out my phone and cued up a text message, staring at the blank screen while I pondered what the hell to say. I couldn’t think of any excuse to contact him other than the truth.
Me:Hey, it’s Emily. Apologies for the random message, but I can’t stop thinking about all of you. I’m so, so sorry, Jesse. I wish there was something I could do.
Three dots popped on the screen almost immediately. My heart seized each time they’d stop and start again.
Jesse:Thanks, Em. I appreciate that. I wish there was something anyone could do too, but we’re getting by. Or trying to anyway.
Me:Would you maybe like to get another cup of coffee or another piece of cake sometime? Cake can’t solve everything, but it may help a little in the moment.
I cringed at my attempt at a dopey joke.
Me:I’m here if you need to talk. I just wanted you to know that.
I put my phone down and pressed the heels of my hands into my eyes.
What was I doing? I truly had no idea, and yet I couldn’t turn back.
Jesse:Instead of dessert, how does dinner sound? My mother took Maddie for a sleepover tonight, and I was thinking of heading to the new bar and grill on 110 since everyone tells me I should leave the house more often. I know it’s short notice, but would you want to join me?
