The only thing I was certain of, leaving this office today, was that I needed my own therapist.
“I’m sorry if that’s not what you wanted to hear,” Dr. Asher said, her smile full of sympathy.
“No… I mean, that’s fine. I understand what you’re saying. Thank you.”
“Of course. And, listen, you’re already doing a great job as a new guardian,” she said as she stood and headed toward the door. “My advice to you today is to give yourself some grace as you learn.”
“I’ll try,” I said, meeting her gaze with a chuckle. I did feel a little lighter. At least now, I had sort of a plan and didn’t seem to be screwing it all up yet. Try was all I could do.
I found Maddie building a LEGO tower near one of the end tables.
“Come on, kiddo.” I reached out my hand. “Diner cake isn’t going to eat itself.”
Her eyes lit up when her gaze snapped to mine. She grabbed my hand and popped off the floor.
“We will see you next Saturday,” I told Dr. Asher as I brushed the hair off Maddie’s shoulder when she leaned into my hip.
“That sounds like a plan. It was very nice to meet you, Maddie,” Dr. Asher said. “I look forward to hearing about your first week at school.”
“Nice to meet you too,” Maddie said, still burrowing into my side as I led her out of the waiting room. She was silent as she took hold of my hand and followed me to the parking lot.
“Did you like Dr. Asher?” I asked Maddie as she climbed into my back seat.
“Yeah, she’s really nice,” she murmured as she buckled her seat belt and looked up at me with wary eyes. “Did she tell you if anything I said was wrong?”
“You didn’t say anything wrong. You couldn’t. I told you, this is just letting out how you feel. There is no right or wrong when it comes to feelings.”
“Yeah, I guess so,” she said in a low whisper.
“So, I was thinking that the living room needs new curtains,” I said as I pulled out of the parking lot. “What do you think? What’s your favorite color?”
“Purple.”
“Okay, how about purple curtains?”
“You don’t want purple curtains.” She shook her head. “You’re a boy.”
“Hey, purple isn’t only a girls’ color. Everybody wears purple. And it’s not only a boy’s place. It’s your place too. So how about after the diner, we stop at Target and get some purple curtains?”
I craned my neck toward her at a red light. The smile breaking out on her face scratched at the back of my throat.
“Could I get purple sheets and a blanket for my bed?”
I pulled into a spot in front of the diner and shut off the engine, turning my head to meet her hopeful gaze.
“Mad, you can cover the whole house in purple if you want.”
“You wouldn’t hate that?” She squinted at me, her adorable nose scrunched up in confusion.
“Nope, and seeing you happy would make me happy, so I couldn’t care less what color you’d want everything to be. And I love living with you. Don’t ever think I don’t, okay?” I squeezed her knee until she lifted her head.
“Okay. I miss Mom, but I really like seeing you every day.”
“Same, kiddo.” I tapped her leg and climbed out of the car.
Maybe I could do this. I could be the person she could depend on every day, not just somebody to take her to water parks during the summer and hand over her Christmas list to once a year.
I loved seeing her every day too, and I should have moved back a long time ago—for her and for all of them. I wished I could have had both Maddie and my sister, but at least with my niece, I got to keep a piece of Tessa.
