PROLOGUE
EMILY
Twenty years ago
“A whole houseto yourself and you want to go out? What a waste,” Sabrina sighed in my ear as I tried to balance the phone in the crook of my neck as I dressed.
“My mother reminded me a million times that if I needed anything while she was at Aunt Mary’s until tomorrow, she asked the neighbors to keep an eye on me. The sight of Jesse’s car in my driveway overnight would be reported back to her before we even woke up.” I plopped onto my bed after buttoning my jean shorts. “You’rethe one who likes to take risks.”
“Caden’s parents don’t care. They wave at us when we head upstairs to his bedroom and never give us shit for closing the door.”
“You know you guys are playing with fire, right?”
“No, we’re not. We’re friends who, when we’re unattached, become extra friends. No harm, no foul.”
“Extrafriends. Is that what you’re calling it now?”
When our best friends would hook up with each other at random, Jesse and I tried to mind our own business, even whenan ex-girlfriend of Caden’s would wait for Sabrina after school to call her a whore, or when the last guy Sabrina dated had to be held back in the cafeteria from shoving his fist into Caden’s face.
I’d hoped they’d become a little smarter about their dangerous arrangement now that we’d graduated. Either they’d stop this and get together for real or, at the very least, stay under the radar from angry exes now as they would be attending colleges in different states.
“How are you and Jesse going to function this fall? After four years of being attached at the hip, you’ll be six hours away from each other.”
“I’m trying not to think about it. And Jesse doesn’t seem worried, so I’m following his lead for now.”
Graduation had only been two weeks ago, and I was giving myself until July to stay in denial and not freak out.We’ll be okayis all I’d kept repeating to myself since I’d accepted my full soccer scholarship to a university in Maine. I’d tried to get into schools that were closer, but no other school had given me a full ride.
I’d be loan-free, as my mother kept insisting, and she’d barely had the money for my Catholic high school tuition. There was no way she could finance a four-year college, even with a partial scholarship and financial aid.
After my parents divorced when I was three, we’d moved in with my grandparents to save on rent and for a free, round-the-clock babysitter when my mother had to work late. My father was nothing but a fuzzy memory, never sending a birthday card, much less a child support check. Soccer was the only treat my single mother could afford. And once it became apparent it was something I could excel in, my mother had pushed me to make it my path into college.
Once all the acceptances had come in, there’d been only one choice. Plus, this school was known for its soccer team andboasted of students who’d gone on to play professionally. I’d been working up to this all through high school, maybe even most of my life, as I’d played soccer since I was seven years old.
I couldn’t say no, even if the act of enrolling didn’t give way to even the tiniest bit of excitement. Dread hung low in my stomach like a growing brick, weighing on me every time I allowed myself to think of what would happen to Jesse and me this fall.
“And this is why I told you not to date the same guy for all four years of high school. A little variety and distance maybe would have prevented you from being such a sad sack this summer.”
“I’m not a sad sack,” I fired back, straightening as I sat on the edge of my bed.
“No,” she said, a little sympathy in her audible sigh. “But I know you. You’re heading there.”
I let out a long exhale through my nostrils as Sabrina’s words heated my blood. No one understood why I’d been with no one but Jesse, but they didn’t have to.
My soccer coach in elementary school had told my mother and me that if I wanted to get a sports scholarship, St. Kate’s had the top-ranked high school soccer team in the league and would be my best chance. Once my mother had sorted out what bus I could take to school, it was settled.
I’d arrived that first day of freshman year after getting up at the crack of dawn to travel forty minutes and get to school on time. I’d crouched at my desk after I’d walked into class, not knowing one single soul and feeling more alone in that crowded classroom than I’d felt in my entire life. My friend Penny from my elementary school soccer team had enrolled at St. Kate’s too, but we had no classes together that first semester.
I remembered watching all the classmates I didn’t know and wondering what it was like to have choices and options.
That hadn’t changed much in four years, if at all.
Then a beautiful boy had come down the tight aisle next to my desk. He was tall and lanky, his blue-plaid tie swinging back and forth as he’d maneuvered his gigantic backpack. With one quick turn, he’d knocked my pencils and books off my desk, meeting my gaze with a horrified look before he fell to his knees to pick everything up.
For the first time that morning, I’d crawled out of my own pity party and had felt terrible for this poor kid who had only been trying to find a seat. After panicking over almost missing my stop for the last twenty minutes of my bus ride and still shaking off the nerves, I’d related more than I could have expressed.
“I’m so sorry,” he’d said in a surprisingly deep voice, a much lower octave than I’d expected from his baby face and lips. His eyes were a light chocolate, warm and bottomless at the same time, as he’d given me an apologetic wince.
“It’s all good. The aisles are so narrow, I almost fell over trying to sit.” I’d tried to joke as I’d grabbed at the pencils along the carpet. Our fingertips had brushed reaching for the same one, sending an unfamiliar zing of electricity up my arm.
