“And I have plans.” She shrugged.
“Julie…” I grumbled. “I told you—”
“You won’t come home to everyone hiding behind the furniture and yelling surprise. My God, you’re such a grumpy old man already. Go.” She pressed her hands against my chest and pushed me toward the door.
I tripped onto her stoop and headed for the subway, a grin pulling at my lips all the way down the block. I didn’t doubt that Julie was up to something, but I wouldn’t fight her anymore. I wasn’t grumpy, but I never liked a whole lot of attention focused on me. Birthdays in college were an excuse to drink more, but after that, I was never into the fancy dinners that Shayla dragged me to when we were together. They always felt like a show, and that was exactly what they turned out to be.
I was okay with a private celebration with just Julie and me, and I truly hoped she hadn’t planned anything beyond that. She was all the gift I needed, but I’d go along with whatever I walked into later.
My office still felt like an oversized locker when I opened the door, but I’d grown accustomed to it for the little use I needed it for. I had a breakfast meeting with my boss, who’d flown in to meet with some of our senior clients, and then I’d scheduled a couple of client visits downtown before I’d head back to the Bronx.
It was funny how I’d always thought long hours and weekends were unavoidable at this level, but when I found someone worth sharing my life with, I’d discovered the motivation to keep work within the workday. It was also a big reason I did most of my virtual meetings in Julie’s spare room. I wanted to update the desk and the furniture, mostly to get rid of any remnants Nate had left behind, but whenever I thought of suggesting it, something stopped me.
Julie and I were in a weird in-between. I still said I was staying with her, not living with her, even though the thought of leaving and staying alone somewhere else and away from her twisted my insides. I was afraid to push and burst the bubble we’d been nestled in since that night we’d crossed all the lines.
I still hadn’t shaken the trepidation from when I first realized I was in love with her. She knew, and I knew she loved me too, but I wanted to be married for real, not just keep the ring in my toiletries bag as a souvenir. I loved her so much it paralyzed me, and the hesitation I couldn’t seem to move past was frustrating the shit out of me.
“This looks good.”
I lifted my head to my boss’s voice as I gathered the PowerPoint printouts for my meetings this afternoon.
“Hey, Damian.” I rose from my seat to greet him. “It’s functional, like the pictures I sent you. It’s more of a way point for us anyway.”
“Maybe we can move you in to somewhere bigger in the next year,” he mused, shaking my hand. Damian had been my boss for the past five years, and he’d led the recommendation for me to become a partner. He’d become a mentor of sorts over the years, but despite having a wife and three kids at home, he kept longer hours than I did. I’d aspired to that kind of life, a C-suite position and high salary, but the only life I seemed to want these days was the one I had after five p.m.
“It’s not necessary. At least not anytime soon. Keep the profits and save on the overhead.” I grinned and slid the decks into my messenger bag.
“We can talk about that later.” He waved a hand. “Right now, I need some breakfast.”
I locked my office door behind me and followed him to the elevators. The floor housed a few different companies, but we were the only suits on the elevator. I spotted him eyeing the workers getting on and off the elevator in casual attire, some in jeans and sneakers. I had the impression that his mention of a bigger New York office space was more for status than our functionality.
“I knew you’d be the right choice to run this branch,” Damian mused after we found a table at the diner around the corner. “Not only because you’re from here, but I always knew the New York clients would invest more if we were local. And you knew how to capitalize on that right away.”
“Well, I’m not exactly from here. I grew up in Connecticut and went to college in the Bronx. But I spent enough time in Manhattan to know my way around.”
“I get the feeling not having a Southern drawl may work in your favor, though.” He chuckled as he lifted his coffee cup. “I think in a few years, when this branch takes off, maybe we can bring you back down to Charlotte. Maybe into a much bigger office than we’re paying for up here—with a C-suite position.”
I nodded as I poured sugar into my own coffee. A year ago, hearing that would have been a dream come true. It was what I’d been working toward since the beginning, or so I’d thought. I’d worked hard to even be considered for an offer like that, but I didn’t want to be married to my job.
I wanted to be married to Julie, and I couldn’t leave her or ask her to uproot her life and move to a city where I’d be too busy to even see her, like all the other executives I’d seen.
“Landon? Are you okay? I thought that was your goal all along.”
“I did too,” I whispered, more to myself. “To be honest, I’m happy here. I’m building the client base and am comfortable where I am. I’m not saying no, but for right now, I want to see this through before I make any greater plans.”
And I wanted to stay in the pretend marriage with the woman I wanted to claim but was too chickenshit to make that final move.
“I heard you got married before you came here. I was surprised you didn’t say anything.”
“It…happened sort of fast. And then the move for the New York office started, and I didn’t have time to discuss anything about my personal life.”
He nodded slowly, assessing me with narrowed eyes.
“What’s her name?”
“Julie,” I told him, a smile running across my lips before I could help it.
“And you live with her here, right?”
