“You get mad at me when I worry, but I know you well enough to tell when something is bothering you. So, talk to me.”
She shrugged without turning around.
“A lot of my friends are having babies in their forties. Comes with a little risk, but it’s common and usually okay. But for me…” she said on a long sigh. “My doctor told me that some women have a big risk of flaring post-pregnancy, and that combined with the risk that already comes with age…well, she didn’t say no but didn’t seem to be a big advocate for it, considering my test numbers go up and down each visit.”
I nodded, waiting until she got it all out before I figured out what to say.
“I decided that day it was too big of a chance to take. Not only for me, but for a baby I may not be able to take care of after it’s here. I had just broken up with Nate, so it wasn’t like it was a real option for me at that point anyway. I was disappointed but was mostly okay with being a cool aunt to my friends’ babies. It’s not that I can’t have kids, it’s that I won’t. And I can’t in good conscience change my mind.” She let out a long exhale and shrugged. “Maybe it was a selfish decision, but I never doubted it was the right one.”
“Until now?” I asked as I pulled into her driveway.
“We’ve been so deliriously happy lately, that at times, I almost forget that I’m…me.” She uttered a sad chuckle and rubbed the back of my neck. “I was okay with my decision not to have kids when it was just me, but you are this wonderful man with all these gorgeous and brilliant genes to pass along to a baby.” She sucked in a long breath. “What Nana said got to me a little, and then watching you with Lila and how good you were with her… I felt awful keeping you from that. Not that we’ve talked about anything that far into the future, but it’s not fair for you to miss out on being a father because of me.”
I sucked in a long breath and stretched my arm along the back of her seat.
“No, we haven’t talked about the future too much since we only just figured out the present.”
Her shoulders shook with a chuckle.
“There are other ways to have kids if we decide that’s what we want. My cousins were adopted, and I only found out when I was in high school. They were just my family, and that’s how it would be if we adopted. And if kids aren’t in the future, even though I have all this awesome DNA I’ll have to keep to myself”—I picked up her hand and laced our fingers together—“the only thing I’m sure I want is you.” I brought her hand to my lips. “As long as I have you, I’m flexible with everything else.”
“Flexible?” She gave me a soggy smile.
“I’ve told you before, but I guess I have to say it again. Nothing matters to me more than you do. That’s always been true. You’re the only thing I could never live without.”
“I just—” she sniffled and rubbed her eyes “—I don’t want you to have regrets because of me.”
“I already do.”
Her head snapped up. “You do?”
“I do,” I said. “I regret not asking the beautiful girl in philosophy class to go out with me out of consideration for a guy I didn’t speak to after sophomore year.” I leaned over and kissed her, close-mouthed but lingering longer every time I touched her lips. “And now that I finally have you, you’re stuck because I’m never letting you go.”
22
LANDON
“Iknow you’re up to something,” I said, eyeing Julie as I pulled my jacket on over my suit.
She tightened the belt around her robe and rolled her eyes.
“You said that you didn’t want to do anything for your birthday, so I have made no birthday plans as per your request.” She held up her hands as she met me by the front door. “Well, I did give you a gift in the shower,” she said, slipping her arms around my waist. “But you didn’t seem to object.”
“I would never object to that pretty mouth around my cock any day of the year.” I lifted her chin and brushed my thumb over her kiss-swollen lips. “Forty is just a number. No need to make a big deal over it.”
“Really?” She squinted at me. “Because I turn forty in December, and I expect a big deal.”
“You’re different. I don’t mind celebrating you.” I yanked her closer, slipping my hand under the silk of her robe to squeeze her ass.
“So I can’t celebrate you? That’s unfair.” She glowered at me as she ran her fingers over the lapel of my jacket. “I ordered you a cake for today. Do I have to cancel it?”
“Not if you feed it to me naked later. But I have a meeting this morning and a couple this afternoon, so I’ll have to continue this argument later. I love you, and I’ll be back around three.”
“I love you too.” She took my face in her hands and gave me a soft, slow kiss that had me going back in for another on instinct. “I should be back by then.”
I stilled after I opened the door.
“Today is your day off.”
