“Then call him today and talk it out. Hear what he has to say. There are more people in this situation than just the two of you, so whether or not the inclination is to just retreat, you need to be sure.”
“I just feel like,” I croaked out, a guttural sob rolling out of me as another truth floated to the surface, “I’m losing everyone important and I can’t stop it. I lost Dad, I worry about you all the time, and I’m so afraid of fucking things up with Tyler, but that’s all I’ve ever done.”
Mom brushed my hair off my forehead as I dripped more tears into the pillow.
“I know you still miss your father and think too much about how he died. And as far as me…” She shrugged. “I love that you came back, but you can’t worry about me all the time. Preparing for the worst doesn’t stop it from happening.”
I nodded, looking away until she tapped my chin.
“You love loud, Olivia. You do everything bold and loud.” She shook her head. “He’s never been either, but that doesn’t mean he doesn’t love you. Since you were kids, you tend to… overwhelm him.”
A laugh slipped out at her cocked eyebrow.
“For once in your lives, how about you give him the opportunity to catch up?”
“That would be a first for me, wouldn’t it?” I laughed and exhaled with a groan. “But first I need to figure out how to pull myself together for my video call in an hour.”
“I need to go food shopping, but I’ll check on you when I get back.” She kissed my forehead and climbed off the bed. “Pushing away the one you love the most because you’re scared will only give you a lifetime of misery. If your father was here, he’d tell you the same thing since he’d be speaking from experience.”
Invoking my father was kind of a low blow, but it usually worked, so I couldn’t blame her for it.
I loved loud, but I loved scared. And loving Tyler, even though I’d done it my entire life, was terrifying.
THIRTY-THREE
TYLER
Iwas thankful to be so busy that I didn’t have time to breathe, much less think. Despite the influx of customers and the whirlwind of trying to catch up, I managed to still find time to check my phone a thousand times this morning, hoping for a reply text from Olivia. Although we didn’t spend every night together, being away from her last night had been a new type of torture. What we had, the little family we’d already created, was everything to me. I should have told my landlord to go and stopped her from leaving. Now I had to figure out how to make her come back.
“Are you okay?” Tegan asked, eyeing me as she shoved cookie trays into the oven.
“Fine,” I replied too quickly. “Busy, like the rest of us.”
“True,” she said slowly, approaching me in my periphery as if she were tiptoeing around a bomb. “But most of us aren’t slamming the pans after we’re done with them.”
Olivia always had that effect on me. But this time, instead of being pissed that she wouldn’t leave me alone, I was frustrated that she wouldn’t let me tell her how wrong she was or about how I really felt about her. And if I did get the chance, I was terrified she’d never believe me.
I’d thought I loved Amy at the time, but picturing my life without her never triggered the bone-deep sorrow running through me now at losing Olivia.
I still hadn’t signed the lease for the space next door, partially because of my usual chicken-shit approach to big risk but also because I wanted to tell her about it first. Accomplishments without her going nuts over it for me seemed meaningless now.
Needing to cool off and get this chip off my shoulder without my employees watching, I headed out back to the alley. I couldn’t tell the woman I loved how I felt about her but had no issues stomping around and showing the world how pissed-off I was about something.
I jumped at the buzzing of my phone in my pocket, the blood running faster in my veins until I spotted my mother’s name on the screen.
News traveled fast between her and Carla, so this was probably to find out my side of the story. I was tempted to send it to voice mail but accepted the call to get it over with.
“Hi, Mom. I think I know why—”
“Can you leave now?” The urgency in her voice sent my heart free-falling into my stomach.
“Why? What’s wrong? Is it Olivia?” I’d never be able to live with myself if this stupid argument did something to her or the baby.
“No, it’s Carla. She passed out in the grocery store today and is in the emergency room. She hit her head and is still unconscious. The EMTs called Olivia, and she asked me to take her to the hospital since she didn’t think she could drive. I’m not sure what’s going on between you since she didn’t call you, but I’m worried about her too. The poor thing is shaking, and it’s not good to be in this much distress while she’s pregnant. How fast can you get here?”
I held the phone in the crook of my shoulder as I rushed inside to tear my apron off and grab my keys. “I can be there in fifteen minutes. I’ll tell Eli there’s an emergency, and he can cover for the rest of the day.”
“Okay, good. I’m going to see if I can get an update from the nurses’ station. Carla was brought in right away since she came in by ambulance.”
