I took one last glance at her window and drove off.
I’d give her a night to settle down, then it was my turn to be relentless.
THIRTY-TWO
OLIVIA
I’d gone right to bed the minute I came home, scrubbing my face while I was still crying and then climbing under my covers. I drifted off quickly, the surge of emotions zapping all my energy, but I woke up even more exhausted. My slumber was restless, vague dreams of Tyler torturing me all night. The last one was all too vivid. We were kids again, playing in his basement while he focused on some kind of action figure. I’d tried to yank it out of his hands so he’d look at me, but he wouldn’t. I woke up with a scratchy throat, unsure if I’d screamed in real life as I’d done in my dream.
When it came down to it, nothing had changed that much from when we were young. I wanted Tyler so much that I lashed out instead of just telling him, although I finally admitted to loving him last night. I almost wished for the old days of Tyler and me. The days of him telling his friends what a bitch I was were a much less painful memory than admitting to the fear I’d held on to all these months.
Being his nemesis beat the hell out of feeling like his obligation.
“Olivia?”
I groaned at the sound of my mother’s voice and sank deeper into my pillow, the threat of tears burning my eyes when I inhaled Tyler’s scent.
What if I made a mistake? What exactly was I looking for from him? I never needed validation from anyone, but no reassurance seemed to be good enough when it came to Tyler.
But this time, instead of picking a fight with him, for the very first time in our lives, I walked away. Morgan was right. I should have taken a minute before I rushed over there and said things that I didn’t know how to take back—or even if I could.
When I shifted to sit up on the bed, a fluttering on the side of my swollen stomach made me pause. It felt like butterfly wings, which I’d read was what baby kicks felt like in the early stages. I lunged for my phone to text Tyler and stopped. There was no reason not to text him updates about the baby since that part of who we were to each other was permanent, but I set my phone down anyway and trudged to the door to greet my mother.
“Good morning,” I said with a sandpaper edge to my voice. “Everything okay?”
Her brow pinched when she studied my gaze. “With me, fine. I came home last night and found Tyler parked in front of the house. He told me that you guys had a fight and asked if I could check on you this morning to make sure you were all right. I would have last night, but I wasn’t sure if you were asleep. Want to talk about it?”
“Does it make a difference?” I coughed out a laugh. “Come in.”
I turned back toward my bedroom as Mom closed the door behind her. I plopped back down on my mattress, settling on my side and willing away the jump in my heart rate at Tyler being upset over me. How did you detox from someone who’d been your lifelong focus? I had no idea, but the notion of it was enough to be painful.
“I love Tyler,” I began, my voice already cracking.
“I know.” I didn’t turn to her soft chuckle. “I’ve known longer than you have. So what happened?”
“I’m his obligation. I thought maybe he loved me and he doesn’t hate me like he used to, but he’s only doing what he’s supposed to do. We’re good friends, I guess, and obviously, the attraction is there.” I patted my stomach. “But I need to let him go. I can’t make him pay attention to me anymore.”
Mom folded her legs under her. “I don’t believe that’s true, but tell me what happened.”
I sighed and turned onto my other side, going through the short version of finding his profile, tearing over to the bakery to confront him, and what he’d said.
Mom stayed silent, only responding with a slow nod when I finally finished.
“Now tell me how I can never leave well enough alone and did this to myself.” I propped my head on my hand and lifted my tired gaze to hers.
“I think you took what he said out of context because you love him so much that it scares you. When it comes to him, you lash out to protect yourself.”
“I think it’s too late to protect myself, don’t you?”
“If,” she began as she inched closer, “if you paid attention, you’d see that he’s watched you just as much over the years. You both are very different.” She tucked a tangled lock of hair behind my ear. “You wear your heart on your sleeve and say how you feel. He’s never been a wordy guy. Helen always said that Tyler could never tell you how he felt about anything, but if you looked well enough, he’d show you. What has he shown you these past few months? When you were together, did it feel like he was only here because he thought he had to be?”
I looked away, pinching the loose string from my comforter between my fingers.
“No, not at all.” I swallowed another lump in my throat, the wonderful memories of the past few months running through my mind. “But what if the crazy way we got together and the way I’ve always felt about him made me believe things that weren’t true?” I straightened and rubbed my belly. “What if I saw only what I wanted to see?”
“The guy I saw last night didn’t seem like he was doing anything with you out of obligation. He looked brokenhearted and worried out of his mind. You never gave him a chance to explain. Why don’t you today? Talk it out with cooler heads. If I know you, you barged in there last night ready for a fight. You probably didn’t give him any time to think when you came at him, and, possibly, he said something that may not have come out the right way. Did he try to stop you?”
I darted my eyes away and replied with a slow nod.
