Whether it was right or not, I was grateful this Thanksgiving that fate had brought this man back to me, even though I still couldn’t have him the way I wanted.
He gave me a sad smile as he leaned his forehead against mine. I shut my eyes to control the fluttering in my stomach that didn’t feel merely friendly. I was starting to need him, and it scared me. This was getting dangerous.
Four
Samantha
“Well, this is an interesting place.”I looked around at Manhattan’s attempt at doing country. Bella stayed with her grandparents that Friday night, so Lucas suggested a barbecue pre-Christmas dinner at a new themed restaurant on 26thStreet. The music was getting louder as a group of drunken businessmen tried to line dance. The food was delicious, home-style country goodness with the overpricing that New York City was famous for.
“Open your mind a little. This is a cool place. Maybe we can go next.” Lucas stood up and tried to pull me by the hand to dance.
“Easy, cowboy. I’m not tipsy enough yet to feel comfortable about making an ass of myself. Have a seat.” I pulled him back to sit, but instead of going back to his seat across from me, he landed in the chair next to me.
“Aw, come on.” Lucas put his arm around me and whispered. “Pretend I’m a cowboy from one of your books. I’ve had a long day on the tractor and need a pretty girl to take care of me. Won’t you take care of me, Sam?” Every single hair on the back of my neck stood up, and my breath caught in my throat as he crooned in my ear.
Sweet baby Jesus. I pictured Lucas in tight Wranglers and a Stetson hat, shirt off with beads of sweat dripping off every hard muscle on his chest. The thought created a throbbing ache between my legs. I needed to distract myself before I lost all control.
“What the hell did California do to you?” I backed my face away from his lips, and he gave me an exaggerated pout.
The music got slower, and Lucas stood up again to offer me his hand.
“I know you can keep up with this one, city girl. Dance with me.” My mind knew this wasn’t the right thing to do, but my legs didn’t give a shit and followed Lucas to the dance floor.
“Lonely Tonight” by Blake Shelton and Ashley Monroe was one of the few country songs I recognized. I tried to ignore the ironically poetic meaning of the lyrics as Lucas took my hand and held it close to his chest as we swayed to the music, inching closer to each other as the song progressed. I let myself bury my head in his neck, and Lucas still smelled the same—like a sweet cologne I could never pinpoint. I’d memorized the scent after he lent me a T-shirt one day in school. I “forgot” to give it back, and then didn’t wash it for weeks. I chose to think of that as a sweet—not stalker—type of memory.
I looked up and realized we were the only couple on the dance floor. The music had stopped, and we hadn’t noticed. Lucas cleared his throat and led me by the hand back to our table. I asked the waiter for another beer to calm my frayed nerves.
We finished our pork ribs and cornbread and got back to ourselves again, laughing and teasing each other as we ordered one last round of drinks.
“Wait, I almost forgot. Merry Christmas.” He handed me a wrapped square box with a ribbon on the top.
“Lucas, I wish you hadn’t done that. I don’t have anything for you.”
“It’s not that big a deal; don’t panic. Open it.”
I’d learned to live without presents for Christmas and birthdays the past few years. I was Santa and the Easter Bunny at home, but I couldn’t remember the last time I found a gift of my own under the tree. As I undid the ribbon and ripped open the paper, I couldn’t help getting excited.
“An owl Kindle cover?”
Lucas gave me a shy smile. “We never saw the guy on the street, and I know you like owls since you wear that pendant all the time. Now all your trashy novels are safe.” He cocked an eyebrow at me as I tried to hold back the tears. It was a small gift, but it meant so much to me. It was evidence that he paid attention to what I said, and what I liked. Hecared. That kind of gift was priceless.
Swallowing hard so I could speak, I put my hand on top of Lucas’s.
“Thank you . . . so much. It was so nice—” Lucas turned his hand over and interlocked our fingers.
“My pleasure, Sam. I’m glad you like it.”
We put our coats on in silence after we paid the check. Lucas accompanied me to the subway station, taking my hand in his when we got to the steps.
“I guess I’ll see you next week.” As he ran his thumb back and forth across the top of my wrist, sadness took over Lucas’s face. He tried to smile, but it seemed forced.What were we doing? This couldn’t end well. He finally looked at me the way I’d wanted him to for all those years, but I couldn’t do anything about it.
“Sure.” I put my arms around Lucas’s neck. My body had a mind of its own tonight. I kissed his cheek, and he shut his eyes tight. He leaned in to kiss me back, heading straight for my lips. My stomach bottomed out as the moment I’d waited to happen for over a decade was finally here. I was frozen in place and couldn’t stop him if I wanted to—which I absolutely didn’t. He stopped just short, kissing me on the corner of my mouth.
I took Lucas’s face in my mitten-covered hands. Our eyes locked for minutes, hours, I couldn’t really tell. He broke the silence with a snicker.
“Mittens, huh? Borrow those from Bella?”
“Don’t knock them. They’re nice and toasty. My fingers work together to keep each other warm.” He laughed and kissed my forehead.
