“Well, glad I came over to give you a laugh. Thanks for the help.” I stood, and Daina pulled me back by the hand.
“I’m not laughing at you—well, maybe a little. I admit I find this a little funny. You never let a woman get under your skin like this before. In fact, you have the same sad, puppy dog look on your face Samantha had when she was mooning over you in college. Kind of ironic how the tables have turned. Women always fell at your feet, but Samantha is an unattainable chase. You actually have to fight for her. Is that what has you so hooked?”
I tried to rub the tension away from my neck. I was heading into my late thirties, and up until this point never got this emotionally involved with someone. I wasn’t a jerk, but I wasn’t a saint either. It was the big family joke how women would always slip me their number or approach me. Since Sam came back into my life, all I saw was her. No one else could compare.
Not wanting Sam would make my life a hell of a lot easier.
“No, it’s not about the chase. Sam is just … different from other women. She’s sexy and smart, and she has the best laugh. I could talk to her for hours and never get bored. She looks at me like I’m some kind of superhero. It’s easy to get high on that.”
I missed Sam so fucking much. Talking about her made it even worse.
“I know I turned into a big pussy when it comes to her. I realized that when she left my apartment and I had to fight the urge to hold on to her ankles to make her stay. The way I feel about her scares the shit out of me. I know she’s married, and it’s all kinds of wrong to want her like this. All I think about is going out to Queens like a fucking caveman telling that jerk-off that his wife should be mine, that he would never be worthy of someone as amazing as she is. I could give her everything, Daina. I could make her happy. I need to convince her to let me.”
Daina eyes popped open wide. She was speechless. If I didn’t feel like such a loser right now, I would’ve reached for my phone to take a picture since it was truly a miraculous moment.
“Wow. I’m sorry I laughed at you. Listen, Luc,” Daina said as she put her hand over mine. It was funny how I used to help my little cousin nurse her broken hearts, and now she was comforting my sorry ass. “Give her some time. I don’t think Marc is the issue. She’s just scared. All you can do for her right now is have a little patience. I have total faith she’ll come around sooner than you think.”
I stood from the couch, not sure if I felt better or worse, or how much longer I could do this waiting thing without showing up at her office. I resolved to take Daina’s advice and wait it out, hoping she was right.
As I arrived back at my apartment, my phone buzzed in my pocket.
Sam: Hey, do you have time for coffee tomorrow afternoon? I’m sorry I’ve been a little MIA. I had a lot going on here.
Good thing no one was around to see me leap to reply, or they would have confiscated my man card.
Me: Yes, is everything OK? Does 3 work?
Sam: Perfect! I’ll explain when I see you.
Did she leave Marc? Was that what was ‘going on’? Did she regret what we did? My mind was going crazy with possibilities. I let her slip through my fingers once. She may not have been mine to take, but I didn’t want to let her go.
Eleven
Samantha
It was wrong,but I ignored Lucas since I left his apartment two weeks ago. I was still trying to figure out what happened. Did Lucas really want me? Or did we give in to the attraction that’s developed over the past months and our night together was as far as it would go?
Lucas was on my mind every second of the day; the hunger in his eyes as he touched me, the hot trail of his lips as he ran them all over my body, how it seemed as if he could read my mind. Being with him was amazing, but I didn’t feel free to contact him as freely as I used to. Before that night, we would talk all day long, but this past couple of weeks we’d only texted a few times. I didn’t want to seem needy or desperate, but when I thought about all the things we did, I felt a gnawing ache at my core, my insides begging for a repeat. It was so much more than just sex. Lucas made me feel special in a way no one else ever had. I felt like the woman I’d always wanted to be—beautiful, smart, and worthy of a man’s undivided attention. I could fool myself and try to hide it, but needy was exactly what I was. I wanted more, and Ineededmore. If he didn’t, I wasn’t sure how to handle that. So like the coward I often was, I put off finding out.
I sat at our usual table at Starbucks. When Lucas came in, he looked … nervous? He was a little fidgety, cracking his knuckles and running his fingers through his hair, frustrated about something. Since when was Lucas ever nervous? He had to be the coolest and calmest person I knew.
I stood up when he started to walk toward me. He stopped in front of the table like he wasn’t sure what to say or do. I tried to give him a hello kiss and hug, but his body was stiff as a board as he glared at me.
“What’s wrong, Samantha? Where’ve you been?” I was ‘Samantha.’ Not good.
“Nothing, I didn’t mean to make you worry. There was a lot to rearrange at home.”
“But you told me you’d call me that Saturday and you didn’t. In fact, I’ve hardly heard from you at all in two weeks. Admit it. You regret it, don’t you?” The look on his face was panicked and scared. It was surreal to see him this upset. I pulled him to sit down.
“Marc left on Sunday morning. His friend got him on an IT contract job in Chicago for the next six months. I had to figure out what to do with Bella after school.”
“Left for good, or left for now?”
“Supposed to be six months, but there’s a good chance it will get extended longer.”
“No, that’s not what I mean. I mean—“
“You mean, did he leave me? Right?” Lucas took a deep breath and sighed. He narrowed his eyes at me and leaned forward.
