Paige
I parkedup the block from Evan’s office and thumbed the Tiffany key around my neck as I sat in my car. What was I going to say? The horrible things I’d told him before I threw him out of my apartment ran through my head. I was cruel and awful, so how could I just take it back?
Evan was still fighting for me, though, so maybe somewhere inside he didn’t believe what I’d said and I still had a chance. Even so, could I be this selfish? Ellie was right. I couldn’t take his choices away, I would lay it all on the line, and leave it up to him.
My head pounded and my face was on fire. Feeling this much of a chill on a hot July day wasn’t normal. I’d felt awful for the past couple of days, but so far didn’t have a fever. I shouldn’t have gotten into my car feeling so weak; at a couple of lights, I was frightened I wouldn’t make it. The coughing and wheezing were bad all the time, but today they seemed to be at an unprecedented peak. Maybe my nerves made it all worse. Who knew at this point?
My sore legs trudged up the sidewalk to his office. One of the workers let me in the front door as he was leaving, and I tiptoed into the back. Jessica’s desk was empty. It seemed she’d left for the day. I stood in the doorway and gazed at Evan for a moment. I smiled to myself as he cursed under his breath while organizing the papers on his desk. He had almost a full beard now instead of his usual short stubble—why my lips still stung from the burn of our desperate kiss the other day. I wanted to run over to him, pepper his face with kisses, and beg him to take me back. It still seemed selfish to try to keep him, but at the very least, I owed him the truth.
“Hey.” I crossed the doorway into the office. Evan’s head jerked up. He regarded me with puzzled eyes. “Can I sit? I think it’s time that we talked.”
Evan nodded to the chair in front of his desk. “No, we should have talked a long time ago. Are you ready to tell me what you’ve been hiding all this time? Respect me enough to stop lying?” Evan crossed his arms and leaned back in his chair.
“I . . . don’t just have a weak immune system. I have an autoimmune disease called lupus. It’s the reason for the fevers that never went away, the joint pain, why I never recovered from pneumonia.”
Evan stayed quiet, sucked on his bottom lip and nodded without looking at me. “How long have you known?”
I recoiled at the scowl on Evan’s face when he met my gaze.
“Since my first appointment with the specialist. She hadn’t confirmed it yet, but she told me she was ninety-eight percent sure.”
Evan nodded and leaned forward, resting his elbows on the top of the desk.
“So, I came to your apartment that night, and you looked me right in the eye and lied to me, and lied to your mother. Why?” His words were clipped. I could tell he wanted to yell at me but was holding himself back.
“Because I needed to deal with it on my own. If I’d told the two of you—”
“Is that how it works, or should I say worked, between us? Because I thought being in love meant we were partners. Like when you insisted on coming with me to move my dad into the home. I thought it meant we depended on each other, let each other in. Told the fucking truth. So was I not that important enough to you to be told you had an actual illness instead of a weak immune system?” Evan spit his words at me as he glowered in my direction. He wasn’t ready to hear all of it. The complications that led to more complications were too much to drop in his lap right now.
“You had enough to deal with. This was my problem—”
“No. It. Wasn’t!” In all the years I’d known Evan, he’d never yelled before. My hands trembled in my lap as he shot up from his chair and made his way around his desk. He slapped his hands on the arms of my chair and towered over me. “I was the one who worried about you to the point of making myself sick. I was the one who loved you so much it gutted me that I couldn’t help you. But you didn’t love me enough to tell me the truth. And if that wasn’t bad enough, you pushed me away, took my key and threw me out of your life. What do I do with that Paige? How do I trust you—ever again?”
I took a deep breath and shuddered from the stinging in my chest. I had told the truth, but it was too late. Like my broken body, our relationship was too damaged to get back to where it had been, to heal. He’d never understand my motivation, or how much I loved him. My jaw quivered as our eyes locked.
“Hey, Ev.” A knock on the door made us both jump back. The worker who had let me in was standing in the doorway. “Two guys just dropped out of the Ferguson job. We’re already behind because the tile took so long to come in. Any way you can help?”
“Yeah, sure, Angel. A distraction would be great right now,” he answered. Evan’s eyes were still locked on mine after Angel left the office. “I’ll call you after I get back. We aren’t done here.”
I was fairly certain we were done, and I had no one to blame but myself. As I lumbered back to my car, I took comfort that maybe now he’d move on. That was what I wanted, right? He should have the chance for the happy life I couldn’t give him.
As I walked, my head got heavier and fuzzier, and by the time I got to my car, I was panting. I sat in the driver’s seat and tried in vain to put the key into the ignition. My shaking hand missed every time. I couldn’t even dial my phone, I screamed for Siri to dial Natalie.
“Hey, hon. How did it go?”
“It didn’t, that’s how it went. I told him the truth but he’s done with me. I don’t blame him and it’s for the best.”
“I don’t believe that. He’s angry, and he has every right to be, but he loves you—”
“Just leave it alone. It’s over. Listen, I can’t drive home. Could you come get me?”
“What’s wrong? Are you feeling all right?”
“No, Natalie. I’m too dizzy to drive, and I think I have a fever. My chest is killing me. Can you please take me home?” My voice cracked. I barely had enough strength to get my words out.
“No, I’m coming to get you and then we’re headed straight to the emergency room. Where’s your car?” I lifted my throbbing head to look around for landmarks.
“I’m on Colden Avenue in the middle of the block. I’m across from the pizza place.”
