“You’re not alone.” I pulled her hands down. “You have all of us.”
“I know.” Ellie nodded and grabbed my other hand. “But when you’re losing the most important person in your life, you could be in the middle of Grand Central Station and still feel like the only one in the world.”
“I love you. We all do. You and Jack Junior will never ever be alone. I promise.” I leaned forward and rubbed her shoulder.
Ellie nodded. She played with her empty cup as she stared off into space. I quickly packed up my things and stood from my chair. I bent over to wipe Ellie’s tear stained face with a napkin.
“Let’s go Ellie. It’s time I paid my cousin a visit.”
* * *
We walkedover to their office in silence. I hadn’t seen Jack since the baby was born and I recited over and over again in my head what I wanted to say to him. The baptism was coming up over the weekend but I didn’t want to wait that long.
We strolled in unnoticed. A couple of workers nodded hello as we made our way to the back office.
Evan was coming out of the supply closet when he bumped into Ellie.
“Hey! Where’s the little guy?” He gave her a hello kiss and hug. My heartbeat drummed in my ears so loudly I couldn’t hear the rest of what they said. I peeled off my gloves and wiped my sweating hands on my down jacket, then rubbed them together to hide their shaking. I was about to give myself a stroke before I walked any further.
Evan looked over Ellie’s shoulder and finally spotted me.
“Home with Marie, so I brought your girl instead.” Ellie nodded towards me. His smile grew wide as his eyes lit up. It was the look he gave me whenever I walked into a room, and it never got old.
“Hey, beautiful! This is a nice surprise.” He wrapped his arms around me and gave me a soft kiss on the lips. I gripped his waist and hoped that he wouldn’t see me shaking.
“How are you feeling? Bundled up okay?” Evan rubbed his hands up and down my arms as though he was trying to warm me up.
“Yes,Daddy. I’m fine. I got sick of my apartment and worked from Starbucks to get some fresh air.”
Evan wiggled his eyebrows as he pulled me closer. “Daddy? If you’re trying to turn me on its working. Maybe I should spank you for having such a bad attitude.”
“Blech! Really? Where’s thatMen in Blackmemory eraser for when a person hears shit like that? There’s an image I never wanted in my head.” Jack had one arm around Ellie and grabbed his stomach with his other hand as though he was about to be sick.
My stomach sank as I took in how much Jack had changed in only a matter of weeks. He’d definitely lost weight. His cheeks were pale and sallow, and his dirty blond hair looked almost white. Ellie was right, he looked so much older. Someone was pressing the fast forward button on his life.
I had a fantastic speech in my head. I was going to tell him that I loved him and that I would be strong for him just like the way he’d always been for me. I was going to make him believe that. But when I opened my mouth, nothing came out. Our eyes locked. The smirk on Jack’s face faded as he took a deep breath. He knew that I knew. No big reveal was necessary.
Since Ellie had called that night, I’d tried hard to make peace with the fact Jack was dying. Looking at my cousin—his eyes still so full of life but his body breaking down—was a shock to my system I wasn’t prepared for. My knees buckled and Evan held me up.
“I’ve got you, Daisy,” Evan whispered in my ear, and I nodded without looking at him.
“Well?” Jack sighed and leaned back into the wall. Ellie’s lip quivered as she looked between us.
“Well? You look like shit.” My voice was shaky, but Jack laughed and shook his head.
“Well, I wouldn’t enter any beauty pageants if I were you, little cousin. Living off Wendy’s Frostys for a month and you still look like a stick.” I fought a smile as tears escaped the corners of my eyes. I peered up at Evan. He wiped away my tears with his thumbs and nodded his head. A sob ran through me, and after that they didn’t stop. Everything I’d been afraid of all these months was coming true. I was losing Jack. The one and only constant in my life, the man who’d never let me down, who’d protected me. I buried my face in Evan’s chest as I’d wept. I’d promised not to fall apart, yet I was in broken shards all over the floor.
“Hey.” Jack came up behind me and rested his chin on the back of my head. “It’s okay. I’m still here. And until I’m not, no tears, okay?” He kissed my temple and rubbed my shoulders. I didn’t turn around. My knees gave out again, but this time Jack caught me. Jack always caught me.What was I going to do without Jack?Crippling grief and panic ran through me at the same time. I ended up in Jack’s arms with Evan rubbing my back.
“Listen,” Jack pulled me off his chest so I could face him. “I have a request, and I can basically ask you whatever I want now and you can’t say no, you know that, right?” He was still a smartass, even now.
“Right.” I smiled in spite of myself. “What’s the favor?”
“This weekend, you and your boyfriend are going to baptize my son, and then we’ll have a nice big party where everyone will be happy, not weepy. We’ll have enough booze on hand to make that possible. A couple of weeks after that is Christmas. You’re going to help me enjoy the rest of my life by keeping things exactly the same. None of this…”
“None ofthis? Are you kidding? I’m supposed to pretend everything is fine and you’re not, you’re not going to…”
“Pretend I’m not dying? No, eventually you won’t be able to do that. Until that point, can we just all be us? Make some nice memories before…then? Can you do that for me?”
