“This is why Dad didn’t want us together. And Anthony knew that.” I was never mad at my father, but a rage bubbled up inside of me so hot that my fists clenched. No, it wasn’t right to blame him for all of it, but causing Anthony additional shame by his subtle disapproval of us made it worse.
“I don’t think that he didn’t want you together but I won’t lie to you. He did tell me he was worried.”
My swollen eyes narrowed. “Why was he worried? That makes no sense.”
“Because I was afraid this was going to happen.” Bri and I turned toward Dad’s voice as he padded into the kitchen and dropped a hand to my shoulder. “Are you all right, Sweets?”
“No.” I stiffened under my father’s touch. “I know now why you told me you’d take care of Anthony’s employment forms and I only needed to forward his banking information. So I wouldn’t see, right?”
“Yes.” Dad slid onto a chair next to his wife. “Well, not that onlyyouwouldn’t see. No one needed to know about Anthony’s record except for me and Uncle Billy, who remembered his troubled nephew and agreed with me that Anthony deserved a chance.”
“Right.Yougot into trouble when you were his age, but you were lucky and found someone to get you out of it. You’re were no better than he was, so why hold that against him? Ineverthought you were like that.” I crossed my arms and winced. I’d forgotten I was wearing Anthony’s shirt, and crossing my arms over my chest made the neckline inch up, giving me a dose of his scent.
Talk about adding insult to injury.
“Vic, honey stop—” Bri started but stopped when Dad raised his hand.
“Do you think I don’t know that?” He exhaled with a sad laugh. “If they didn’t search my locker that day, I would have delivered those drugs to the whole school, killing who knows how many kids?” He shrugged and shook his head. “Uncle Billy pushed me into the military so I could avoid jail, and I caught a break I didn’t deserve. Anthony was a Hispanic kid with a single mom and an inept court-appointed attorney. Yes, he made a mistake, but the odds were never in his favor for a fair shot. Yet, Gary said he was an exemplary inmate.”
“Gary?” I asked. “Was he his lawyer or something?”
“No, his parole officer.” Dad lifted a brow. “It’s why he was at the shop to meet him for lunch that day.”
That was why Anthony tensed up when I asked how he knew Gary. My stomach rolled as each missing piece about Anthony fell into place.
“He got his GED inside, even took some art and mechanics courses, and he kept himself clean and out of trouble. He did well enough for them to shorten his sentence. Even though I avoided jail, it took me a hell of a long time to get my head screwed on straight and rebuild what I had left of my life.” He leaned forward and rested his elbows on the table. “He had every right to be angry and resentful, but he picked himself up and kept going. I have the utmost respect for Anthony’s talent and resilience. I would never judge him, and you should know that.”
I looked away and nodded. “I do, but I still don’t understand why you always seemed to have a problem with us being together. You didn’t come out and say it but,” I lifted my gaze and shrugged.
“You’re right, I did. But not for the reasons you may think. He paid his debt, and deserves a new life, but he hasn’t paid his debt to himself yet.”
I shook my head at my father. “What does that mean?”
His lips curved into a small smile as he scooted his chair closer to mine. “He’s still full of anger at himself and shame. And until he gets over it, he’s going to push everyone away.” He reached over and grabbed Brianna’s hand. “I have a ton of experience with that.”
Despite myself, I felt the pull of a tiny smile on my lips. Dad and Brianna had been in love since they were in kindergarten. They were in the middle of a ten-year hiatus when he met my mother.
“You don’t have to worry, anymore. We’re done. I told him we couldn’t even be friends.” My voice cracked again on the wordfriends. I’d miss him so much, but any contact would be torture. I wiped my wet cheeks with my sleeve, or Anthony’s sleeve. The extra whiff of his memory made my chest constrict, but I wasn’t ready to take his shirt off, yet.
“Come on, Sweets.” Dad stood and crouched down in front of me, cradling my cheek as he wiped my tears away with his thumb. “I never wanted either of you to get hurt. Anyone with eyes could see that he’s crazy about you. What he did, although it doesn’t feel like it, comes from an admirable place. He thinks he’s not good enough for you and doesn’t want to hold you back. I was afraid that the deeper you both went, the worse it would be. But it was inevitable, no matter if I tried to stop it or not.”
A sad smile crept across his lips as he tilted his head. “I feel for him and understand him more than I would like, but I’m your father. I’m supposed to want to protect you.”
“I know, Dad.” I shut my eyes and leaned into his hand. “I wish I could—” I didn’t know how to finish that sentence because I wished for too much. I wished I’d just left those damn forms alone. But at the same time, I wished I hadn’t ignored that gut feeling he was holding something back. But if I pushed sooner, we would have ended sooner.
“You can’t fix him. He needs to come to you in his own time, in his own way. That could be soon, or that could be never.”
“What do I do, now?”
“Now, you do what you just did.” Dad cupped my cheek with a sad smile. “You let him go.”
I spent the morning in their living room, eating some of the two dozen donuts Dad went out to buy us and watching Christmas movies with my little brother. He was at that age where kissing his mom and sister were becoming icky, but he snuggled up to me on the couch for at least two movies. I soaked up all the love and comfort from my family before I had to walk a few blocks and put on a brave face for the other one.
When I went back to Mom and Drew’s house, I expected to find it empty. You never left a Kostas party early, even on a Sunday with work the following Monday. Grateful for what I hoped would be a short reprieve, I ducked into the kitchen to snag a tin of homemade cookies before I jumped.
“Mom, why are you sitting at the kitchen table alone?”
She lifted her cup of tea to her lips and shrugged. “Why? Can’t I enjoy the quiet, sometimes?”
