“Because I was weak!”
I flinched when he yelled. He turned away, dragging a hand down his face before coming back toward me.
“In time, you’ll see, someone like you doesn’t want someone like me. Not in the end. You’ll graduate from NYU and be a big-time writer who won’t want the burden of an ex-convict boyfriend. I’m doing you a favor.”
“A favor? For someone likeme? Jesus, Anthony who are you? Is that what you think of me? After all this time, do you think that’s what I’d care about?”
I wrapped my arms around my torso, hoping that would give me some stability to stay upright. It was as if I’d taken a one-two punch to the chest and stomach.
“I’m sorry, Victoria. I really am.” His voice cracked before his Adam’s apple rolled down his throat. “I’m not good for you, and I never will be. You can have an amazing future without me dragging you down. It’s for your own good.”
“For my own good,” I repeated, my cheeks heating up as my bone crushing sadness gave way to white hot anger. “Who the hell are you to tell me what myown goodis? I fell in love, and it was fucking wonderful until you decided I was too weak and small-minded to be with you. So maybe you have a point, we aren’t right for each other because you’re not the man I thought you were.”
The best night of my life had turned into the worst morning in what seemed like seconds. I wouldn’t give him the satisfaction of watching me crumble before I made it out the door.
I pulled on my coat, missing the armhole three times in my shaky rage before I stalked over to him and got right in his face. His jaw trembled and his eyes were wet, but all the love I’d seen over the past months had vanished from his features. I wondered if it was ever really there.
“Fine. We’re done. We’re not together. We’re not friends. We’re notanything. I don’t want the scraps you throw us because you don’t think we deserve a real chance. When you’re at the shop, pretend you don’t know me.” I breathed heavily through my nostrils as I made my way to the door.
“For the record.” I craned my head before crossing the threshold and heading into his hallway. Anthony’s eyes were still glossy as his hands balled at his sides. “I’m not leaving because you’re a felon. I’m leaving because you’re a coward. Goodbye, Anthony.”
I slammed his door and rushed down the hallway and down the outside steps. Managing to pull up my Uber app before the first sob broke out, I waited until a car pulled up on the curb before I let the tears roll down my cheeks. I stared at his building as the driver peeled away, kneeling on the seat and glancing out the back window to see if he was following or even looking.
It took me three blocks to figure out he wasn’t. And wouldn’t.
21
Victoria
I wasone of those weirdos who loved the early morning twilight. My favorite time of day was when the sun was just peeking out enough to take away the darkness, and the city was free of its bustle for another hour or two.
It was peaceful, yet full of possibilities—if you weren’t nursing a broken heart. Now, the quiet just made my tortured thoughts louder.
A ‘broken heart’ always seemed like a dramatic metaphor to me, but I guessed you had to actually have a broken heart before you understood the term. The dull ache in my chest felt like shards ricocheting back and forth every time I tried to breathe.
When I arrived at Dad and Bri’s house, my legs were leaden as I trudged out of the car. I was thankful for the anonymity and ease of an app where I could get into a car, pay through my phone, and not have to acknowledge the driver on the ride, or have to answer questions about why I was sobbing so hard I hiccupped.
Mom and Drew were taking the kids to Drew’s cousin’s house for a pre-holiday celebration, today. I grew up with Drew’s family and always loved parties at their house. They were loud and fun, but way more than I was able to handle right now.
I was too sad for any kind of social gathering today, but I didn’t want to be alone. Of the two sets of parents I had, it was easier to go to Dad and Brianna when I was upset. Of my fathers, Drew may have seemed like the mild mannered and easygoing computer geek, but he’d be the first to lose it if I was ever hurt. When I first cried over a boy at thirteen, I swear Drew was ready to head to my school to kick his ass and fix it. I’d loved him for it, but Drew wanting to kick Anthony’s ass wouldn’t make me feel any better. Even though I was so angry at him I could barely see straight, I knew he was suffering, too.
This couldn’t be fixed. Only accepted.
And I would. I just needed to figure out how.
“It’s a good thing we made cookies yesterday. Looks like we need them.”
I turned toward Brianna’s whisper after I shut their front door behind me. Her blonde hair was piled on top of her head in a messy bun, and she wore Dad’s old flannel robe, but she was still beautiful as always in the soft early morning sunlight filtering into the room. She held her arms out with a sad smile, and as I used to do when I first lived here as a kid, I ran to her sobbing.
“Whatever it is, it’s okay, Vic,” she whispered into my hair before framing my face and lifting it off of her shoulder. “Do you want something to eat? Pile of cookies over ice cream for breakfast?”
A laugh snuck out through my tears. I nodded and peeled off my coat before following her to the table.
“Is Dad awake, yet?” I asked before plopping down on one of the chairs. I was exhausted in every sense of the word.
“No, but once he hears us, I’m sure he will be. Chris, too. They both have supersonic hearing and always have to be involved.” She dropped her hand to my shoulder and squeezed. “Is it Anthony?”
I nodded, sinking my teeth into my bottom lip to stifle another flow of tears. I managed to get through a short version of what happened and the secret I finally stumbled on that explained so much. Brianna didn’t blink, even when I let it slip that I’d spent the night over at his apartment and this all happened this morning.
