He wrapped his arms around my waist dropped his head into my lap.
“I know you do, sweetheart.” His voice was rough and tense as he tightened his hold on me.
“I know I’m a nag,” I dipped my head to kiss his cheek. Pushing him wasn’t my intention, but I didn’t want him to miss out on something great because he underestimated himself. “Come on, I’ll fill it out quickly before we go.”
I grabbed the folder and pulled out the papers.
“Let’s see here,” I said before grabbing a stray pen by the nightstand. “Full name, Anthony Diaz. Middle name?”
“Miguel,” he answered, breathing slowly as he leaned against the wall behind his bed. I didn’t understand where all his dread came from. Organizing his portfolio would take time, but he had beautiful work in there.
I tried to stay upbeat as I looked over the rest. “Address you can fill in, education—”
“GED, three years ago.” His lips twisted into a sour frown.
“Have you ever been convicted of a felony?” I was about to check the “no” box when Anthony ripped the paper from my hands.
“Enough, Victoria!” he yelled before throwing the form across the room, the papers fanning across his carpet after they landed. He stood from the bed, folding his hands behind his head and barking out a mirthless laugh.
“I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have pushed. If you want to fill it out, you can, I won’t say another—”
“When I was seventeen, I was a punk. My mother worked all hours like yours did, but I took advantage.” He poked his finger against his chest. “I wasn’t the good kid my aunt told you I was.”
My heart slammed in my ears as Anthony paced back and forth.
“My cousin Mario was my best friend, and I blindly followed the jackass everywhere. He was all about fast money and the quickest way to get it.”
His chest heaved up and down. I said nothing in response and waited for him to continue.
“He said robbing a bodega was easy. Shitty cameras, quick cash, we’d be in and out and no one would know. We both brought guns, but he said were only going to scare the owner, get the money, and run out. We wore masks, and it was three in the morning. Fucking foolproof, right?”
He sat back on the bed, his hands raking through his hair. My hands shook as I anticipated where the story was going next.
“Turns out, it wasn’t so easy. When the owner resisted, Mario panicked and shot him. He didn’t kill him, but he paralyzed him from the waist down. We were both picked up for attempted murder and robbery, but they dropped my charge down to an accessory. So that box, sweetheart, it’s a big fucking yes. I went away for almost two years. That yes closes the door to a lot of places, places you can go, but I can’t.”
“I’m,” I tried to speak over the growing lump in the back of my throat. “I’m sorry that happened to you. I had no idea you went through all of that.” I inched closer and grabbed his hand. “What you just told me doesn’t change anything. It doesn’t change how I feel about you—”
He flinched back and picked up my coat from where it lay on the back of the chair. “It changeseverything. It doesn’t matter how either of us feel, or how fucking amazing it was to be with you—”
“Was?” I shrieked as panic filtered through all my nerve endings.
This explained everything.
This was why he was so afraid of losing his job at Falco’s and why it always felt as if we were on borrowed time.
Now, it seemed like that time was up, and I shook from head to toe at the realization.
“Anthony, stop sounding crazy. Why would you think that matters to me? I love—”
“Don’t,” he spat out. I gasped when he held his hand up and shook his head. “I knew this was wrong, but I gave in because I’m a selfish asshole and wanted you too much. In the end, I’m me, you’re you, and before you hate me for the limits I’ll always have, you need to go.”
“You were only a kid, and you paid for your mistakes.” I yanked my coat from his hand and threw it behind me onto the bed. “You’re a great man, now. Talented and amazing. I couldn’t care less about your past or what boxes you have to check on a form. What we have is good,” my voice quivered as I tried to hold in the tears clouding my vision. “Sogood. And rare. You can’t just throw it away.”
“I can’t throw away what isn’t mine to take in the first place.” He picked up my coat and pushed it into my hands.
“You’re making me leave?” My voice squeaked before I could help it. “After,” I glanced back at his bed, “everything? You took me to meet your family, made me believe you cared about me. Why would you let us get this far when you were just going to end it when I found out?”
I was reminded of how stupid it was to throw away my virginity so I wouldn’t get hurt. Another man may have been inside my body, but it was where Anthony penetrated my heart and soul that caused all this pain. I knew it would be awful if I ever lost him, but I’d underestimated how terrible it would feel to be discarded like this.
