I never doubted that he was lost, but I’d always resent not being the one to bring him back.
“And, I was actually grateful for that night, if I can say that without being slapped again.” He grimaced when he met my eyes. “It was like cold water dumped over my head. I woke up, or started to anyway. I should’ve driven back to see you when you didn’t answer me and been there with you when this happened.”
“Should’ves don’t help us. You can’t go back, and neither can I.” I lifted a shoulder. “You’re happy here, and you belong here. You’ve said it, and I can see it.”
“I’m happy withyou, and I belong withyou. You’ll never know how sorry I am or how much I love you. I tried to move on, and I never could. You can ask Joe.”
He cradled my cheek. I shut my eyes, his touch bringing pleasure and pain, both of which overwhelmed me too much to think.
“Please tell me I didn’t lose you again.”
I reached up to grab his wrist, looking away as I didn’t know what to reply.
“I think it’s a good thing I’m going back now. I need time to think, and I can’t do that around you.” I slid off of his lap and sat on the couch, leaning forward to rest my elbows on my knees. “I’ll always love you—”
“Don’t say that! Don’t start telling me goodbye!” He raked his hand through his hair. “There has to be a way. Something we could do. ThatIcould do. I want to spend the rest of my life with you.” He grabbed my hands. “I want the smartass little boy and the beautiful baby girl with freckles, and I want them with you. Please, Thea.”
I drifted my hand down his wet cheek.
“If we spend the rest of our lives together, we can’t carry around all this hurt. Well, I can’t. I do believe you love me, but I don’t know if I’ll ever believe I’m enough for you. I’m scared I’ll always have…reservations.”
I stood. “I think we both need a good night’s sleep, and I need to start packing. Though, I’ll be back here next month unless they rent it out.”
I swept my gaze around the living room. It really was a nice little house. A family would flourish here. I hoped a happy one would.
“So this is it? I won’t see you again before you go?”
“I’ll be at the hotel Monday. I need a few reports from Violet, and I’ll probably need you to sign a few things. I’ll leave for Queens in the afternoon, and be back out here with my boss when the hotel opens.”
“Next month.” He shut his eyes, his head falling back a minute before he stood, gutting me with the pain etched in his features.
It was my turn to leave for my own good.
If we hadn’t run into April tonight, we’d be upstairs right now, tangled up in my sheets and in each other while making plans for our future. I was tempted to ask him to stay, even if I was uncertain where we went from here. I’d memorize every inch of him with my mouth and my hands and hold it for safekeeping on the cold and lonely nights without him.
I unlocked the door and held it open. Dominic grabbed my face, our mouths colliding in a desperate kiss that should have been goodbye but neither of us could let go. Each time I pulled back, he pressed harder as if to keep me from slipping away.
He picked up my hand and slid his palm against mine as he stepped back, his face falling when our hands dropped. I watched as he made his way into his truck, turning back inside when he started the engine.
Despite the reservations I said I had, I’d never be completely free from Dominic. He’d always be my other half, but maybe some people aren’t meant to be whole.
38
Dominic
“I wishthere was something I could do.”
I wouldn’t turn toward the pity I knew I’d see in Joe’s gaze. When I’d come back last night, I’d headed straight upstairs to my apartment but couldn’t sleep. For the brief time I managed to drift off, I was haunted by images of Thea in a hospital bed, crying into her hands until she gasped for air, like she had last night. I kept screaming that I was there and I wouldn’t leave her, but she couldn’t hear me.
After waking up in a cold sweat, knowing sleep wasn’t coming back to me anytime soon, I showered and headed down to the pub to start setting up early.
Getting lost in work was the only thing that had ever helped me, but the dull pain in my chest never dissipated.
When I didn’t respond to Joe’s texts asking if everything was okay, and apologizing for his slip in front of Thea last night, he knew me well enough to figure he’d probably find me here before sunrise. After I told Joe what happened after I ran out last night and what I’d found out, he steered clear of me for most of the morning.
“There’s nothing anyone can do. I knew when she came back that I’d probably broke us beyond repair, but by some miracle, she actually gave me another chance. Now,” I shrugged, scrubbing the same space on the bar counter for the umpteenth time since five a.m., “once that hotel opens, I’ll never see her again.”
“You don’t know that, man. You said you’d fight for her, and you sound like you want to give up.”
