He nodded. “I know that, too, sweetheart. But right now, let’s start at the beginning. Why didn’t you say anything?”
“Because it’s a terrible story. You were already dealing with Linda’s death back then, I didn’t see a reason for upsetting you now. Why do you want to know all the details?”
“Because it happened to you because of us—because of me. You lostourbaby, and I hate like hell that you couldn’t tell me when it happened. Because I left you both,” he whispered to himself as he rubbed his forehead. “You suffered alone back then, and I think you’re still suffering now. Please let me help you through it like I should have. Tell me. From the beginning.”
His dark eyes were rimmed with red as if he’d been crying on the way here. Once more, I folded where Dominic was concerned. I pulled my legs under me and sucked in a long breath.
“When we were together, I used an IUD for birth control. You knew that.” I darted my eyes to his and he nodded. “Sometimes, although I was told, rarely, it can cause an ectopic pregnancy. Meaning from the time of conception, it’s not viable.
“You didn’t think you were pregnant before that?” His eyes stayed glued to mine as he waited for me to continue.
“Something wasn’t right,” I admitted with a shrug. “I thought I had an upset stomach frombeingupset. I lost a lot of weight because I didn’t want to eat. Occasionally, I’d bleed a little bit but at the time it wasn’t too out of the ordinary. It wasn’t until Steve tipped my mother off that she forced me to get checked out.”
He flinched back, his eyes thinned to slits.
“How did Steve tip your mother off?”
“I came over to drop off a pot roast, my mother would send him food from time to time after your mother passed away, and that was when he told me you gave up your apartment.” I dug the heels of my palms into my eyes. The resurfacing memories brought bile to the back of my throat.
“Go on,” he whispered, his eyes glassy as they remained fixed on me.
“Anyway, when he called my mother to thank her, he told her he was worried because I didn’t look so good. She was on me to see a doctor for days until the bleeding became heavier, and this weird pain started in my shoulder.”
I reached up on instinct to rub at my shoulder, remembering the sharp pain that had come out of nowhere.
“My parents took me to the emergency room, and I had a sonogram. The doctor told me if I had waited two more days, it may have ruptured. I never thanked Steve for basically saving my life.” I brought my gaze back to Dominic. His skin paled as he sank his teeth into his bottom lip.
“My God, Thea.”
His face crumpled before his head fell against the cushion of the couch, his hands digging into my thighs as if they were some kind of lifeline. His shoulders shook and, on instinct, I brought my hand to the back of his head and sifted my fingers into his hair. As much as I hated it, I still had an innate need to take care of Dominic, even if he was the root of my own torment.
“Are you sure you want to hear the rest of this?”
“Yes. Go on. Please.” When he raised his head, he wiped at his eyes with the back of his hand. “Please.”
“I was rushed into emergency surgery and went home with my parents and sister after a couple of days. The official story is still appendicitis. No one knows other than my immediate family.”
He rose from the floor and sat next to me.
“Was it,” he began before his Adam’s apple bobbed in his throat. “Was it because you were under stress? Did I do this?”
“No,” I answered quickly. “This happened the moment we conceived, more or less. Just one of those things, probably from the IUD. I was actually grateful it happened this way.”
He squinted at me, his brow furrowed. “Why were you grateful?”
“Had I thought I was pregnant and maybe actually looked forward to having your baby, and then lost it…?” I looked away and clutched the back of my neck. “When they told me in the hospital I was pregnant but it had to be terminated, it was like ripping off an excruciating band-aid but all at once. I didn’t have a chance to dream about you snapping out of it when I told you you’d be a father, or picture a sweet, funny little boy with floppy dark hair.”
My nose burned and I stumbled a moment. “Or a little girl who lights up around you like Ava does. In that respect, I was spared. I only had to dwell on how I wasn’t what you needed—again. My stupid body couldn’t even carry your baby the right way, and I couldn’t love you the right way to keep you.”
I covered my face as I cried into my hands, hiccuping for air like I had in the recovery room all those years ago.
Dominic slid his arm under me and pulled me onto his lap. I didn’t fight him as I melted into his chest as it shook with his own sobs. He rocked me back and forth, muttering, “I’m so sorry,” over and over again as he dropped kisses on the top of my head.
It didn’t erase the rage or the hurt, or the constant feeling of being less than what he needed. But finally taking the comfort from the person I wanted it from the most, and the one who had as much vested in the loss as I did, spread a balm across the most broken parts of my soul.
“Since we’re suffering tonight,” I said, pushing off his chest. “Tell me what happened with April.”
“There is honestly nothing to tell. I went out with Joe, had way too much to drink, I did that back then.” He rubbed his eyes and shook his head. “I don’t remember much at all to tell you the truth. Just waking up the next morning and not knowing where I was, as cliché as that sounds. For a second, I thought she was you,” he whispered, brushing the matted hair off of my forehead. “I almost asked her to scratch my arm. Once I realized where I was and what I’d done, I left and never spoke to her again or stepped foot in the bar she worked at. I swear on my mother.”
