“Shouldn’t you like check with your wife or something?”
“Melanie will be thrilled you’re not working late for once and would kick my ass if you sounded this sad and I didn’t come find you. Get in your car, and I’ll see you soon.”
An unexpected laugh bubbled from my lips. Nag or not, I had the best brother in the world. I had a great job, family who loved me, and friends who still tried to see me despite how I always blew them off. Why couldn’t I move past what Cliff did and take back the rest of my life?
I didn’t know, but for the very first time, I wanted to give it a try.
Kyle met me outside Rudy’s, and I didn’t utter a peep until we sat down at a table. When I finally started talking, I couldn’t stop. All my brother could do was nod with a creased forehead.
“So, that’s it.” I shrugged before taking a long pull from my beer bottle after I went through the entire story.
Kyle clicked his tongue against his teeth, his tell for mulling things over until he figured out what the hell to say, before rearing back in his chair.
“Come on, let me have it. Tell me how I got what I deserved for compromising a patient, how I’m lucky I still have a job and how pathetic I am.”
His lips turned down as he shook his head at me. “You’re a smart, beautiful woman. Why do you do this to yourself?”
“You’re my brother. You’re supposed to say those things,” I scoffed.
“No, I’m not. And I’m not the only one who thinks so. Before … that asshole … you always had this light to you. A bounce in your step. You were a tough little pain in the ass, but you enjoyed life. Why is it so inconceivable that Jack really wants you? And more important, why are you letting that fucker you married make you think like that?”
My chin dropped to my chest before I let out a long sigh. It’d been a year, and it was still painful as hell to talk about it.
“Kyle, it wasn’t just a fling, or my husband falling in love with someone else and leaving me. This went on for years.Years.From almost the time I met Cliff. I was stupid and a non-factor in my own husband’s life. Clueless and stupid.”
“Stop it,” Kyle scolded. “Hewas a coward, not you. A weak jerk who abused your trust because he wasn’t man enough to make a decision. That’s on him, not you. Whether it’s Jack or someone else, you can’t keep using this as an excuse not to move on. If you do, then you’re just letting Cliff dupe you over and over again. My little sister is way too smart for that.” His upper lip curled, and I couldn’t help smiling back.
“Jack’s gone, though. Or he will be tomorrow. Trust me, I’m the last person he wants to speak to.” I laughed.
“Tell Jack how you feel. If he still doesn’t talk to you, you can at least say you tried. If you don’t, you’ll never know and always wonder. Make sense?”
I pulled back and squinted at Kyle. “When did you get so wise?”
“Birth, you just never noticed.” He kicked me under the table.
Nothing could feel worse than the lump of awful in my stomach right now. I owed Jack the truth, even if I was too late.
35
Dylan
Two days turned into three.PJ and I communicated via quick texts only. It killed me to pull away from her, and not seeing her face or hearing her voice was inching me toward madness. From what she’d told me, she still wasn’t speaking to her father, and her mother was still playing referee in their silent battle. She was starting college next week and was nervous enough. I trusted Ellie, but I was out of patience.
I parked up the block from the firehouse and took in the familiar surroundings as I walked through the door. Nick had brought Jack and me to his firehouse countless times over the years. We’d try on his helmet and take turns stepping on the truck. Nick had treated me like family since I was a kid, and while I didn’t regret loving PJ, I wasn’t exactly proud of my actions. A man I’d looked up to for most of my life now hated me.
PJ had always been close with her father, and her fear of upsetting him was the main reason she’d kept us a secret from her parents. Because of me—and catching us in the worst possible position together—a painful rift had torn them apart. As mad as I knew Nick was, he’d never cast aside his baby, but there was no missing the shame and agony in her eyes as she’d attempted to leave his house.
This entire situation was fucking awful. It killed me to be away from PJ when I knew she was suffering. I’d promised her I wasn’t going anywhere, and although, I’d stepped back to keep the peace in her family, she probably felt as if I’d deserted her.
“Hi, I’m looking for Chief Garcia.” The receptionist raised her head.
“Name?”
“Dylan.” She nodded without looking back at me and headed to the glass door. I spied Nick at his desk with the phone against his ear, stiffening in his seat. To be this nervous to see a man I’d known since I was six was utterly ridiculous. I’d grown up with his family, and I loved his daughter. PJ and I were a good thing, and I hoped I could make him see that today. Somehow. But either way, this forced hiatus was over.
“Go ahead.” She left the door open before returning to her desk.
I sucked in a breath and stepped into the office, shutting the door behind me before I took a seat in front of the desk.
