I cupped his cheek. “Including spite yourself. You should listen to your aunt. Don’t let some woman and her kid drag you down.”
Drew’s chest now heaved along with mine as he grabbed my wrist. “Are we really back here again? You aren’t dragging me down. I won’t let you do this. We’re so fucking happy. Why would you throw it all away?”
“Because I don’t wantyouto throw it all away. All you worked for up to this point. You’re not thinking clearly.”
“I’m thinking fine, Sara,” Drew yelled through gritted teeth. I felt the leering of a thousand eyes on us. “I’m fine with staying in New York, being someone’s dad. I’d take on whatever I need to keep us together but you’re still fucking running.” Drew’s jaw ticked as his hold on me tightened.
“Take on?” A heavy sigh fell from my lips as the choice I had to make became achingly apparent. “We aren’t your sacrifice or something you have to take on. Take the job, live your life and we’ll live ours. Please let me go.” My voice croaked as I tore my eyes from his.
“Miss, is there a problem?” A bouncer approached Drew and me, looking between us and the hold he had on my wrist.
“No, no problem. I was just leaving.” I gazed into Drew’s glassy eyes one more time. Ripping off a Band-Aid was never more excruciating. He was the only man I’d ever loved, and that wouldn’t change, no matter what state we both lived in. I couldn’t and wouldn’t be a burden on him. Maybe he didn’t see it now, but in time he would. Hurting him now would prevent him hating me later.
The bouncer was the only reason he wouldn’t follow me to my car, and I took advantage of the out.
“Goodbye, Kostas.”
Drew
Me: Please talk to me. I love you. You have to know that.
I SENT TEXTafter text to Sara with no response with calls sent straight to voice mail in between. It’d only been two days, but the more time went on without a reply, the more final it all seemed. I couldn’t lose her. Not now. Maybe we were only officially together since Christmas, but I loved her before that. It didn’t matter if I was twenty-five or fifty-five, I knew Sara was it for me. The job at Ontech was my goal when I started graduate school, but not anymore. My goals were a beautiful brunette and her adorable daughter, and the amazing life I knew we could have. Not accepting the offer to be with her was not settling or a sacrifice, despite my word vomit at the time. She was what I wanted. I convinced her to take a chance on us, and I would again—if she would just fucking answer me. Every second away from her that ticked by brought me that much closer to madness.
I trudged into the kitchen, tired and hungry and yet restless and sick to my stomach. I needed her back. Nothing felt right or made sense without her.
“Hey, man.” Brian cringed at my approach. “You look like shit.”
“I feel like shit, too. Thanks.” All my free time was spent texting and calling Sara. Shaving and showering dropped low on my list of priorities. Sleeping wasn’t happening either as my bedsheets still smelled like Sara. I buried my face in my pillow, breathing in her scent as if I could will her to come to life in my arms. We weren’t broken up, we were in a limbo that needed to be fixed. The more I told myself that, the harder it was to believe.
“I’m sorry, man. I had no idea she didn’t know.”
“It’s all right. And it’s my fault. I should’ve told her.” I fell into a seat at the counter and poured rice cereal into a bowl. It tasted like sawdust even after I doused it with milk, but I couldn’t win Sara back if I fainted from malnutrition.
“So, why didn’t you?” Carlos strolled into the kitchen and headed for the blender for one of his protein shakes. “Graduation is in a month and a half, and you still didn’t give them a hard no.”
“That’s because I need the offer in play to negotiate. I found a firm in Manhattan with almost the same position available.” I swirled my spoon around in the bowl, forcing myself to swallow with every bite. I knew exactly how she’d react if she knew about Seattle. Before me, no one ever gave her a second thought. She had no friends or family before she came here. She had a hard time believing I wanted to be with her at all, much less relocate myself for her. She still didn’t believe the love between us was real, and that burned most of all.
“Where the restaurant Sara will be working at is, right?”
“Yes. Once that offer came through, I would’ve told Sara right away. She’s been so upset lately with graduation so close. I didn’t want to tell her unless I was sure.” If I didn’t get it, I had other feelers out there and a few callbacks. I wouldn’t give up, but I didn’t want to tell her unless I was certain. I was in this whole stupid mess because I wasn’t honest with her, and in my panic over losing her, I said a shit ton of things I didn’t mean. Words like burden, sacrifice, taking on. No wonder she wouldn’t respond. I picked up my phone, taunted by my blank screen.
Come on, Gorgeous. Text me back.
“So, you really love her, huh?” Brian came over to where I sat and rested his elbows on the counter. “I mean, I’ve seen you break up with women before—”
“We didn’t break up,” I grunted as I threw my bowl in the sink. “It’s a fucked-up misunderstanding I could correct if she would just speak to me.”
“Are you really ready for all of that?” Carlos asked from where he leaned against the counter.
“Ready for what?” I craned my head as I clutched the edge of the sink. The only conversation I was capable of was snapping at anyone who dared to speak to me. I was an angry, heartbroken, ornery-as-hell mess.
“Settling down, being someone’s stepdad. I know she stayed here with her kid for a few days, but doing that full-time . . . are you sure you’re ready for that?”
Did I plan on falling in love with a woman with a child at this point in my life—no, but it happened. Now, being forced to think of having to live without her turned my stomach.
“Being with Sara isn’t settling. She’s the . . . she’s everything. I can’t see myself with anyone else. Maybe having Victoria here for a few days isn’t the same as being a full-time stepdad, but I’m up for the job. In fact, I want the fucking job. I want them both. And I’ll get them back.”
I wanted to believe that, but I wasn’t convincing anyone, including myself.
