“I love you, too.” I kissed my index finger and touched the screen over her face. She blew me a kiss back with her father chuckling next to her. Heaving a long sigh when the screen went black, I gazed up at ceiling, trying to get my bearings from all that information. I never had a problem making sacrifices for my daughter, and this time should’ve been no different. I was giving up a piece of her, so she could thrive and be happy with her father while I attempted to make a future for us.
“Hey, is something wrong?” I raised my head to Lisa’s concerned stare as she ambled through the door. “Is Victoria okay?” Her gaze stayed on me as she sat on the edge of her bed.
“She’s great.” I sighed and shook my head, laughing to myself. “Brand new iPad of her own, she gets to be flower girl at her father’s wedding, and she’s getting used to me not being around. All good.”
“I’m sure she’s not.” Lisa’s sympathetic smile didn’t make me feel any better. “I bet if you picked her up right now, she’d jump on you and ask you to take her home. My mom worked long hours and I stayed with my grandmother a lot. I loved Nana, but when my mom came home, she was all I’d see. I’m sure it’s the same.” She nudged my shoulder.
A pang twisted my chest. We had no home—not one of our own. I’d given up my apartment in Queens, and on Thanksgiving, Victoria and I would be staying with Josh and Brianna. Maybe that’s where the sour feelings were coming from. I was in a weird limbo I wasn’t used to.
“You, my dear, need a drink.” Lisa grabbed clothes out of her dresser and headed toward our bathroom. “Let’s freshen up and head to Night Owls, and you are not saying no! You’re off tonight and don’t have class until noon tomorrow. Time to embrace college life, girlfriend.” She lifted an eyebrow before shutting the door.
“I’m trying to save whatever I can. The internship doesn’t pay much—”
“Well, tonight is on me, and you can spare a couple of bucks for a drink or a cup of coffee once in a while, I’m sure. You won’t be a recluse on my watch!” She scowled before she shut the door.
When was the last time I went out for the simple sake of going out? I’d lost touch with all my friends by the time Victoria was a year old because I had no time to see them. The culinary students varied in age—some were late twenties or early thirties like I was. But this bar would probably be filled with college kids—kids I’d have no clue how to interact with.
I raked my hand through my hair and fell back on the bed. As painful as a bar sounded tonight, staying in my room and stewing over all the ways I came up short as a mother would be torturous. Conversation, drinking, it couldn’t be that hard. I did it at one time. I’d met Josh in the bar I worked at when I was a different person in an entirely different life. I managed then, but could I manage now?
I was afraid to find out.
“See, this is fun, right?” Lisa whispered as she nudged my shoulder. “Fun” was stretching it a tad too far, but it wasn’t bad. I nursed a couple of beers as I chatted with some of Lisa’s friends. An odd smile or laugh crossed my lips from time to time. Maybe this was how it felt to relax.
“This place must be boring compared to your old school in the city, right?” Lisa’s friend, Emma, asked me with wide eyes. Emma and Michelle were on the young side—mid-twenties, I guessed. They were both tiny and cute, Emma with her blonde pixie cut and Michelle’s auburn curls cascading down her back. Much to my surprise, I didn’t feel out of place. No one gave me the “what the hell is this chick in her thirties doing here” once-over or treated me differently.
“Not that much different, really . . .” I drifted off as my eyes landed on a familiar face over Emma’s shoulder. His head turned as he leaned over the table to line up his pool shot, but the tiny glimpse was enough to be certain. Drew, the tall, dark, sexy-in-a-way-I-didn’t-want-to-notice, poor stranger I crashed into in the hallway on my very first day. I hadn’t seen him since and hoped maybe he was a visitor or a part-time student, but no such luck as he was here.
His looks weren’t the only thing making it so damn hard to look away, although he really was gorgeous. The cropped yet purposeful mess of ink black hair, chocolate eyes, and olive skin—the whole package—equating to what an old coworker at my last restaurant would’ve referred to as a dreamboat. It was the fluidity of his movements I found intoxicating. The scraping of the chalk at the end of the stick as he laughed at something his friend had said, the natural grace when he leaned over the table. Even when I slammed into him, he seemed to catch me as if we were dancing. How he told me his name with a cocky confidence I felt in my toes, but he didn’t come off as full of himself.
I turned my focus back to Emma, nodding at all the appropriate times and fighting the urge to watch him a little more. Although, I’d passed watching about two minutes ago and was close to full-on ogling.
Emma glanced over her shoulder as her brows pulled together. “What are we missing?”
“Nothing. I thought I saw someone from the restaurant, but false alarm.” I forced a tight smile as the relaxed position I enjoyed for the past hour disappeared and I stiffened on my bar stool. Our encounter lasted all of three minutes, so why was I so flustered seeing him again?
“Excuse me.” I had the sudden urge for some cool water on the back of my neck and a breather. I’d wanted to ease myself into being social, not jump headfirst into the deep waters. I felt out of place and on display, and when I pushed through the ladies’ room swinging door, I glanced at the bathroom window to decipher if I could slip through and escape.
After my minute alone, I forced myself back out there. How pathetic was it that I was probably one of the oldest people there, but on the inside, the most immature by far? I put my head down and trudged back out, only to slam into a familiar hard chest.
“Sorry, hey there.” Drew’s lips stretched into a megawatt smile. It had been a long time since I liked a guy, but Drew didn’t count as I didn’t know him enough to like him. He was something pretty to look at, like the coq au vin from class the other day. Rich and decadent, but bad for my health if I indulged.
“We have to stop crashing into each other like this.” The corner of his full mouth tipped up. “Sara, right?”
“And you’re Drew. I remember.” I swayed to move past him, but he moved directly in my path.
“Well, now that the reintroductions are over. Want to join us?” He jerked his chin toward the pool table behind him.
“No, thank you. I’m here with some friends of mine. If you’ll excuse me—”
“Oh, I just figured since you kept looking, you wanted to play.” He cocked his head to the side and laughed.
“You . . . noticed me looking over here?” I was too flustered to come up with a good denial. And I’d spent the past fifteen minutes with my eyes glued to Drew’s ass as he lined up his shots. To lie and say I wasn’t would only make it worse.
“I noticed you when you first came in. I was looking, too. Just stealthier about it.” He shrugged with an arrogant smile.
“I can’t. Like I said, I’m here with my friends. Thanks for the offer.” I scooted around him and jetted back to the bar.
I touched my flushed cheeks on the way back to the girls, cringing at how I probably ran away from Drew with a beet-red face. Maybe someday I’d be able to have a coherent conversation with an attractive man.
