“I said we’ll see. This doesn’t concern you.” She took a step toward Josh but froze when she met his glare.
“Vic?” He asked while still glowering at her mother. “Do you want to keep dancing?”
He brought his gaze back to hers, and she replied with a sheepish nod.
“Then, that’s what you’ll do. I’ll take you here myself if your mom can’t.” He set her down on the floor and she moped back over to Sara.
“Who do you think you are?” Sara seethed. “You have no right or say in any—”
“I’m her father, and I have plenty of rights,” Josh whispered through gritted teeth. “I agreed to do things your way.” He stepped closer to her. “But donotpush me. Understand?”
Victoria looked between her parents with wide and uncertain eyes. I went over to her and crouched in front of her.
“I’ll see you next weekend. This was the best show I’ve ever been to.” She gave me a small smile before wrapping her glitter covered arms around my neck. It was her father’s smile—the same one he’d given me that first day I handed him my ham and cheese sandwich. Loving this little girl was as effortless as loving Josh was, and I hoped she wouldn’t be pulled away from us out of spite.
Brianna
“SO, WHERE SHOULDwe go first?” I asked Victoria, swinging our joined hands as we walked through the mall. Josh had an emergency at the shop and said that he’d be gone for most of the day. I offered to take Victoria out anywhere she wanted to go, and she chose shopping.
This was the first time we were out together without Josh, but it didn’t seem weird at all. I didn’t know where to take an eight-year-old girl, since when I was eight years old I was watching Reid and Josh play video games instead of doing typical little girl stuff. I figured I’d follow her lead.
“Could we eat lunch?” Her face scrunched up. “Can I have a burger and a shake? Mom never lets me have both at the same time.”
“Mmm.” My lips pursed. “I think your mom probably has a good reason for that. We’ll have hamburgers and maybe we can get a shake later.” The last thing I needed was to get on Sara’s bad side any more than I already was.
We found a burger place modeled after a fifties diner and slid into a booth. I ordered us cheeseburgers and fries—no shake—and did my best not to laugh at Victoria’s muffled groan.
“Sorry it’s just us today, but hopefully Josh will be home by the time we get there later.”
“It’s okay. I like hanging out with you.” She took a pensive slurp from her cup of water. “I’m sorry you’re stuck with me.”
“I amnotstuck with you. Why would you think that?” I tapped her hand so she’d lift her gaze to mine.
“Every time I say your name in front of Mommy, she says that you only hang out with me because you have to.”
I took in a deep breath through my nostrils to calm myself down enough to give this little girl an even response. I understood her resistance to us, but not at the expense of her daughter.
“That’s not true. I love hanging out with you. See, I spent all my time with Josh when I was your age. He didn’t like doing girly stuff so I missed out on a lot. Now I get to do it all with you. Plus . . .” I leaned forward as if I were telling her a big secret. “I think you’re pretty awesome. So, no, I am absolutelynotstuck with you. I love every minute.”
A hint of a smile danced across her lips. “I think you’re pretty awesome, too. Was it weird being best friends with a boy?”
I laughed and shook my head. “No, Josh and I just kinda clicked when we were little. I’m sure you have friends like that.”
She gave me a sad shrug. “I don’t get to see my friends outside school. Mom says she doesn’t have time to run me back and forth to playdates.” My heart cracked at the lack of fight this little girl had. She didn’t push or have a tantrum about it. She accepted things because she didn’t know the possibility of anything else. She’d been in our lives for a few months now, but only seeing her on the weekends didn’t always grant us the biggest glimpse into her life. The little revelations she would share from time to time would gut me.
“You know, you could invite a friend to our apartment when you stay with us on weekends.”
Her mouth dropped. “I could?”
“Of course, you could! I think you have a birthday coming up, right? Well, we could take a few of your friends somewhere. You pick!”
Victoria beamed at me, and I bit the inside of my cheek in a futile attempt not to cry. Sara wasn’t a bad mother, and she had it tough from what Josh had told me. But these little things were so important to kids. All the memories I had with Josh as a little girl meant everything to me. Even now. I didn’t want to overstep, but Victoria needed us—neededme. I’d get those memories for her, even if it got me into a little trouble.
We finished lunch and ambled around the mall. I was terrified being around Victoria would upset me, but it was the complete opposite. I loved answering her questions about Josh and how we grew up together. Maybe someday he’d tell her about the troubles he’d had, but for now she only knew the good parts of her father, and I was happy to share as much as I could. And, as I told her, being around a little girl really was wonderful. The circumstances around her entrance into our lives were moot points. She wasn’t a replacement for the child I’d never have; she was a little girl I was happy to be able to adore without regretting what was supposed to have been. Tiny pieces of my soul began to come back together. I wasn’t healed all the way—not by a long shot. But the joy from being with Victoria gave me hope that maybe I wouldn’t always be this broken.
“Are you and Josh getting married?” she asked as we walked.
I stopped, unsure how to answer. I thought yes . . . eventually. But since the day his proposal slipped out, Josh hadn’t uttered a peep about marriage. I had no doubts we were forever, with or without the piece of paper. Still, regret twisted in my gut. I feared my “not now” may have been heard as a “not ever.”
