“I’ve never been without you.” Josh’s voice cracked as he leaned his forehead against mine. “And thinking I was, even for that short time . . .” He trailed off and shook his head. “I think you took five years off my life yesterday, Cupcake.” My heart broke at his sad laugh.
“I’m sorry.” My voice was a squeaky whisper, heavy with my own tears. I guessed I still had some in me after all.
“You’ve loved me through a lot.” His hand drifted down my cheek. “I think it’s about time you start letting me return the favor.”
Brianna
“I THINK VICis in four songs or numbers or whatever.” Josh shrugged as he thumbed through the recital program.
I laughed. “First time at a recital?” I raised a brow as I settled into the seat next to him. I scanned the hall for Sara but couldn’t find her. Since she wasn’t the one who invited us, I doubted she’d be happy we were there. The closer we got to Victoria, the more she bristled with irritation. She was lucky her daughter’s father was a man like Josh. I’d give anything if he could be my . . .
I still couldn’t go there yet. Thinking about it sent my troubled mind into a tailspin. Victoria was a lovable little girl, and as long as Josh was in my life, she would be, too. I refused to cut them both off because of this new rotten deal life had just handed me. Tonight, I would smile big, wave at Victoria on stage, and shelf the self-pity for later.
“Well, yes. All my cousins were boys. Other than you, Victoria is the only little girl I’ve been around.” He kissed my temple and chuckled. “And you didn’t dance.”
“Yes, I did.” I folded my arms and narrowed my eyes. “Miss Sonia’s dance studio, ballet and tap.”
Josh dropped the program on his lap and sighed at me. “You did not. I was with you all the time back then, and I don’t remember you ever saying you were going to dance class.”
“That’s because my career only lasted a week. The dance teacher yelled at me for being uncoordinated, and my dad pulled me out after cursing out the teacher. Although, I don’t think he stifled any big potential there.” I snickered and shook my head. My father would have kept me in a bubble if only he knew where he could buy one.
“You guys are here early,” Sara noted as she took a seat in front of us. “Victoria will be happy to see you. That’s all I heard this morning. ‘Are Josh and Bri going to be there? Will they be able to see me’?” If she was trying to hide the scoffing and rolling of her eyes, she was doing a shit job.
“Hi, Sara. Thanks for letting us come.” Josh’s tone was even as he ignored the cold shoulder from Sara that grew icier with every encounter. Sara nodded and turned her annoyed gaze to the stage.
“Shhh, you have to sit still, the show is about to start,” a woman whispered behind me. I turned with a furrowed brow, but the command was for the little boy in her lap. He was so adorable, my fucked-up ovaries began to ache with regret. I sighed at his chubby cheeks dotted with freckles and thick mane of chocolate brown hair. I guessed he was two or three. He reached his pudgy hand up to his mother’s cheek and turned her face to the front.
“This little guy is probably too little to be here, but he needed to see his big sister. I’m sorry if he was kicking your chair.” She smiled and tightened her grip around his torso. My throat thickened at the sound of his giggle. I wrung my hands in my lap as I forced a watery smile.
“Excuse me,” I breathed, not finding my voice, before I popped out of my chair and rushed out the door. When I made it out, I leaned against the wall and took in a deep breath. Each day, I was a little more of a discombobulated mess. New York City was full of children, so a chance encounter with one couldn’t shatter me like this. Maybe I would be able to handle it when it wasn’t so raw, but how do you move on from something that completely changes your life? I had the sinking feeling that I never fully would.
Josh followed me, curling his arm around my waist before kissing my cheek. A tear escaped as I shut my eyes. “You know,” he whispered into my ear, “I have a crush on you.”
A laugh escaped from my quivering lips. “Is that so?” My voice cracked as I swiped my cheek with the back of my hand.
“Yep. A lifelong, obsessive, all-consuming crush.” He turned me around and rested his forehead against mine. “You’re all I think about.” Josh caught another tear with his thumb.
“I’m sorry.” I dropped my head into my hands and let out a long, frustrated sigh. “I need to deal with this without being a constant mess. I can’t react this way all the time.”
“You feel what you feel; there’s no right way to act, Bri.” I burrowed my head into his chest, trying my damnedest to swallow the tears. “I can take you to counseling if you think it’ll make you feel better. I’d do anything to make you feel better, Cupcake.” He kissed the top of my head.
“Maybe,” I choked out. “Right now, you’re the only counseling I want, babe.” I grabbed his hand and laced our fingers together. “Now, let’s go back inside. There’s a little girl we came to see.”
We found our seats, and he rested our joined hands on his thigh for the entire performance.
I noticed Victoria right away in a silver sequined tank top and black tutu. She tiptoed to the edge of the stage and lit up when she spotted us. With a grace I’d never have in my own lifetime, she ambled back and forth across the stage, dancing her little heart out. You’d never know she was such a shy girl outside of that costume. My chest swelled with so much pride that for an hour and a half, I forgot to be devastated. Maybe she wasn’t my stolen dream. She was a piece of it that I wouldn’t be able to get otherwise. That made her a blessing.
Victoria raced into Josh’s arms when she left the stage after the last performance. He lifted her up by the waist, and she flung her arms around his neck.
“Did you see me? I saw you, but we’re not allowed to wave.” The simple happiness on her face squeezed my heart.
“Yes! You did amazing! I never saw anything like it!” He beamed into the same green eyes as his. She giggled and looked over at me.
“You really did!” I kissed her sweaty forehead. “I can’t wait to come back next year.”
“Dance school tuition is going up.” Sara’s lips pursed. “We’ll have to see about next year. Come on, Victoria. It’s been a long day. Let’s go home.”
“Wait.” Josh dropped a hand to her arm while still holding Victoria. “I can pay for whatever she needs. I owe you a ton of child support still anyway—”
