I blinked away the shock. For the past couple of months, I’d struggled with my feelings for Josh and doing a horrible job hiding it from everyone—including my boyfriend. Never in a million years did I think Josh had the same problem. All that time of wanting Josh to want me, he finally admitted that he did. Instead of being thrilled, it terrified me.
I kissed his cheek as his arms wrapped around me. My eyes clenched shut as his head dropped to my shoulder.
“I am proud. So, so proud. I love you.” I pressed a kiss to the top of his head.Best friend love. Sure, that’s what I meant. I could ignore that little confession. He was drunk and had no clue what he was saying. This game I was playing had gone from dangerous to treacherous. He peered up at me, his eyes hazy and sad, and it took everything in me not to put my lips on his. I wanted to kiss away the hurt and the pain, make him see who I always saw when I looked at him. Everything. He was everything.
“I love you, too, Bri. I love you—”
“Come on, let’s get you into bed,” I interrupted as I rose from the couch and grabbed both his hands to help him to stand.
“Shh.” He put a finger to his lips as he gave me a wry smile. “Don’t tell Scott.”
“Very funny.” I led him to his tiny bedroom and yanked the sheet down with one hand. “Get in, Falco.”
He complied and plopped into bed. “It’s late, Bri. You should stay.” He scooted under the sheets and extended his hand to me.
My hands shook as a cold sweat broke out over my skin. We used to nap together as kids, but sliding under those sheets next to him now meant something totally different. How good would it feel to climb into bed with Josh and feel those beautiful arms around me all night? The urge to kick off my shoes and join him was so overwhelming it pulsated in my fingertips.
“I’ll be fine.” I kissed his forehead. My lips couldn’t stay off him tonight, but I added that to the list of things to deny when I arrived back at my apartment. “I’ll call you in the morning, and you better answer.” I poked his chest before I turned to leave.
“Yes, ma’am. Thank you, Cupcake,” he murmured before his eyes shut.
I traipsed out of his apartment and stepped into my car. My hands were still shaking as I started the engine and pulled away.
Whether he’d remember anything he said tonight was irrelevant. I loved Josh again. Who the hell was I kidding? I loved himstill.I loved himalways. It was a permanent affliction I’d never been able to shake, no matter how I tried or who I was with.
Maybe I could attempt to deny it out loud, but after tonight, there was no way I could ever deny it to myself.
Brianna ~ Past
“THIS IS Abad idea, Bri,” Reid whispered to me as the bus pulled into the stop.
I clutched the strap of my backpack with white knuckles as we stepped off into the seedy neighborhood. No one had the exact address for Gio’s house, but the ominous feeling in the pit of my stomach told me we were headed in the right direction.
“Maybe,” I agreed as I continued down the street. “But, I just . . . need to see him. I’m worried, Reid.”
Just today, in the girls’ bathroom, I’d heard two girls from my history class gush about the legendary parties that Gio had: drugs, girls, and what sounded like a fight club for money. I crouched in my stall long enough to overhear every sickening detail. I’d seen Josh with enough random bruises he refused to explain to fear that was true.
In all the years I’d known Josh, he never completely shut me out before. Reid and I hadn’t heard a word from him in over a week. For months he’d become more and more agitated, getting into fist fights at school over nothing—when he bothered to show up. Josh was always a little troubled, but now he was just angry. He was so lost, and trying to figure out how to bring him back kept me awake most nights. Josh made it more than clear he wanted no part of us, yet I still couldn’t stay away. That either made me a dedicated friend or a stupid idiot. As I trudged up the desolate block toward the crowd gathered on the corner, I had to go with idiot.
Cars were parked all over his overgrown lawn, and the air was pungent with the skunky smell of weed. My face scrunched up as I tried not to breathe in. Lights from joints glowed against the twilight, and three guys gathered around a couple dry humping on the hood of an SUV.
“This is like one of those bad movies where you scream ‘run, you stupid asshole!’ at the screen. Brianna, let’s go,” Reid whispered as he grabbed my arm, but I yanked it away.
“No! We got this far. I just need to see if he’s okay.”
I bumped into something, or someone, as I backed away from Reid.
“Well, aren’t you a pretty little thing,” a slimy voice behind me drawled. My head turned slowly, as my body trembled too much to make any sudden movements. His pants hung so low on his hips I could see the waistband of his red boxers. His short beard was trimmed to a severe goatee, the thin lines around his mouth looked odd, but somehow sinister, like a cartoon villain.
“My name is Gio.” My entire body stiffened as his boney hand wrapped around my wrist. “Why don’t you join the party inside? You can be my guest—”
“Leave her alone,” Reid clipped as he pulled me back by my arm.
Gio’s grin made my skin crawl as he looked between us. “Ah, I see. I’m not your type. You like ’em dark.”
Reid’s grip on my arm tightened as he gave me a weary side glance. “Let’s go,” he mouthed to me as he tried to pull me away, but I wouldn’t budge. Not until I saw Josh.
“What the hell are you guys doing here?” Josh rushed over to us, his face twisted in a disgusted scowl. “You shouldn’t be here!”
